Am I a TERRIBLE Person????

s to you! This does sound like a terrible bit of mis-communication. I would probably be upset if my latched on to someone else -- but with his personality, I wouldn't be surprised if he tried it in a few months with a person he was familiar with.

He sees a boobie, he thinks it's his! :LOL

Your friend has a right to her feelings -- everyone does. But with ya'lls joking about bfing her boy, there is NO way you could know it would upset her. You apologized. It should be over now. You should not have to hide away.

If she is really your friend she will understand that -- by hiding you may be making it seem like you think you did something really terrible that you shouldn't be forgiven for.

Good luck & s to you.

Thank you for the support, I appreciate it. I just wrote her a letter & drove it to the PO so it would arrive asap. I basically apologized again, said i was an idiot, and understood if she didn't want to spend time around me anymore.

The saddest part of this all is it made me feel so icky & that I shouldn't even be bfing my little one anymore, like it was something bad or dirty.

what devrock said!

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NOPE! Don't let people do that to you! You are doing a wonderful thing -- I'd wager that in other countries this being a problem would be laughed at. We Americans are sooo uptight sometimes! :

You are NOT a freak!

First of all, it is totally normal for children to latch on to a booby when they see one...even if it isn't "theirs"

Secondly, it is a mama instinct to offer her breast to a hungry child.

Thirdly, it is normal for a nursing mom to feel violated and cheated on when her child DOES latch on to another breast...if only for a moment, even though getting nursed by another woman is NOT WRONG.

I DID give permission to another mama so she could feed my baby when she got hungry (I was attending a therapy session). Even though I gave this permission, I was TOTALLY freaked out by the ocurrence and have never had the same relationship with this woman again. Now that I am farther away from that time, it feels less intense and I feel I could bring it up with her...but our relationship isn't that important to me anymore (to be honest). I was VERY suprised by my reaction. Never did I think it would bother me, but it did. I felt like someone had forged a bond with my daughter that was supposed to be for ONLY me. I never told my husband, because I thought he might have an even more intense reaction.

I've decided that, unless it is an ABSOLUTE emergency, I will not ask someone to breastfeed my children again.

However, I'm not really mad at my old friend...but...I don't know...it DID change things.

Another friend of mine has a little boy of 6 months. He latched on to his mama's roommate's (and best friend) breast when they (the baby and the roomie) were taking a bath together (that could sound weird at first...the bath with the roomie...but she is co-parenting the child...and just as normal as taking a bath with daddy or mommy). ANYWAY...long story short, she has boobs, the boy latched on. She immediately unlatched him and said something like...."no milk in there, buddy!" But the mama was also weirded out by it. Fortunately, mama's relationship with the roomie is open and close enough that they were able to discuss it and work through mama's weird feelings.

If you are close enough to this woman, you will be able to work this out. If not...well....friends drift apart (to be blunt...not my strong suit). But remember, just because it weirds people out or really upsets them doesn't meant that you did something out of malicious intent. AND, you had discussed this on a certain level and so it didn't seem wrong to you. I believe that people can have "wigged out" reactions to things even if the thing they are "wigged out" about is a)not wrong and b) totally normal instinct.

You could explain where you are coming from and also tell her how sorry you are that it has upset her so....because it is obvious you never intended harm.

Blessings and good luck. Keep us posted.

Tooby

I cross-posted with you...

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Oh, my goodness! You have really been traumatized by this! How awful that you now associate breastfeeding with negative feelings! Breastfeeding is a wonderful, wholesome, incredibly positive thing. It should *never* be associated with negative feelings. You are doing the most important thing in the world when you are breastfeeding. You should be proud, proud, proud! You are the best kind of mother. I hope those bad feelings you are having go away -- soon!

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I'd just like to add that I have wet-nursed both of my neices. Both of their parents were fine with it.

I am sorry this happened to you. I don't think you did anything wrong and I hope that feelings can be mended. I can see this situation from both sides though, so I just wanted to comment on my feelings about "wet nursing".

I have "wet nursed" several times for people, and I have no problem with doing that (once as a pacifier for my sister's daughter, pre-kids; once for her son when I had milk and once as a pacifier for a friend between my kids). I do think though that I would feel a little weird about someone else wet nursing my kids (can't explain it though), UNLESS it was an emergency.

For example, my sister and I discussed it about 3 years ago and agreed that if we were babysitting each other babies and they got hungry, than we would try nursing them (we have sons about 9 months apart in age). Mostly I wanted to make sure that if I was babysitting her child that I could nurse him if needed because I didn't want to give him a bottle...I agreed the other direction so that it would be reciprocal, but never really wanted her to nurse my baby (mostly because she smokes, but I think it goes deeper). So, I just never gave her an "opportunity" to do that. And I only ended up needing to nurse him once and her dh was there, so there was no question that it was o.k. What would have happened if she had needed to nurse my baby? I'd have been a little weirded out, but ultimately would have been o.k. with it. I probably wouldn't want a friend to nurse my child, but I only have one or two that would consider doing it anyway, so I guess it isn't an issue.

IMO, the nursing relationship is very important, but so is feeding a hungry baby. I don't think that "wet nursing" is weird or that you are a freak for doing it (and acting on a previously held conversation). I guess I don't think she really thought it through...that makes it her problem, not yours.

I hope it all works out for you.

amomtomine:

First of all, you are emphatically NOT a freak! I've often wondered what I would do in a similar situation. If I had a screaming babe on my hands and I had milk, I think I'd just nurse the child. Shocking but true

I realize that the act of BF'ing is a personal thing and it foster's a unique bond with a child...but, in it's base form, it's simply providing nourishment and comfort. Any body willing to do that for my child if I'm not available isn't a freak in my book.

A little OT, but when Jacob was teeny he latched on to EVERYTHING! He latched onto DH's nose, his chin, my neck, my best friend's shirt (in the boobular area ). I don't feel as if he 'cheated' on me, he was a hungry babe!

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My ds once gave me a hickey on my neck because I was running around trying to get my water bottle & pillow before I sat down to feed him :LOL

I'm in no way trying to belittle the intimacy of a mother/child nursing relationship, but would your friend be upset at all if you'd told her, "We were all playing on the floor and your baby stuck my finger in his mouth."

Let's grab some perspective here so you can stop suffering. You are not a child molester. You are not a dirty person. You are not an idiot, either. I think your fear is that the world now thinks you're a predator. Where does this come from? Our society's constant confirmation that the female body (breasts in particular) are for sexual gratification only. (My husband has gone so far as to say my breasts are HIS property...that's how much he's been poisoned by our oversexed and under-nursed nation.)

Be sorry she felt uncomfortable, but remember that it was not sexual and that her baby tried and then refused because he knew the breast and milk wasn't the one he was used to. You didn't interfere with their nursing relationship. Please don't let her discomfort upset your relationship with your baby.

I should add, the only time I've seen a woman nurse a baby that wasn't hers...was in a movie. The Hand That Rocks The Cradle...and that woman was malicious and trying to replace the mother. Didn't she even try to kill her? See? This is the nastiness we see (and pay to see) and then we torment ourselves with it later. I hope you find peace with this soon, mama.