I'm de-lurking here as I'm in desperate need for support & feedback. I'm absolutly devistated by something that started out as nearly nothing & has resulted in me losing my 2 best friends, and now feeling like the MOST horrible person on the PLANET!!
Here's the situation. I have (had
) a friend who's child is 2 month younger than mine (just over a year). The child doesn't eat, at all. Has reflux, and still refuses all food at 1 yr+. We'd talked/joked for months when she 'hit her limit' she could drop him off at my house, I'd feed him. And, we always said if something ever happened to her, I'd feed (bf) him, etc. So, last week I was watching him for a few hours, and when I was nursing my daughter, he was sitting next to me on the sofa & and nuzzled me, so I let him latch on. He only latched on for like 3 seconds, and then came off & went on his way.
I told my friend about it when she came, and she was surprised & kinda laughed about it. Nearly a week later she told me she wanted to talk about something, that it was bothering her terribly that I had done that. Her husband was furious.
She felt 'cheated on', like I kissed her boyfriend or something, and she was thinking about it all the time. She kept saying she wished I hadn't done it, etc. I was SO upset, said it was really nothing, he didn't even get anything, and I was VERY VERY sorry. I said I couldn't take back time, but was SO upset I'd hurt her. I said we'd talked about it & she said she didn't think it would ever happen, that she felt like she'd 'given permission', but didn't think it would happen.
Now I haven't spoken to her (or another mututal friend who I know she would have talked about it with before she said anything to me) since that conversation. I'm absolutly miserable. At first I avoided the phone, now my stomach does a lurch every time it rings, but of course neither she nor the other friend have called. I honestly feel like I can never see them again, never to to play group, like I'm a socal misfit or something.
Am I a TOTAL FREAK? Did I do something HORRIBLE??? Honestly, if she hadn't said something about it, I would have never remembered it ever happend (it was really nothing, he didn't get anything, latched for a sec & that was it). I feel like I abused him or something.
Thank you for reading this far. I'd really appreciate HONEST feedback.
A mom in misery!