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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Sooooo, I'm back. DH still doesn't spend much time with dd. He did actually read to her this week and the two of them are getting on the same wave length humor-wise. Lots of hugs and kisses.
But today I'm pissed. DH has this thing of criticizing everything I do (or don't do) where dd is concerned, but never bothers lending me a helping hand in the parenting department. He's even gone so far as to drag out my AP parenting books and have a great laugh about them with his friends. That is so NOT ok in my book. Today, I have HAD it. Why? The dentist. I made a point of taking dd to every single one of my dentist visits so that she wouldn't be terrified when it was her turn. She had a couple of check-ups which went well. No biggie. Then I met DH, we moved in together, and dd promptly got her first cavity. And what does he do? Tells her horror stories, albeit jokingly, but he planted the seed of terror in her heart. Now we have problems every single time we need to go to the dentist. She balks, won't open her mouth, and refuses to cooperate in general. And today is the second time we've had to leave without the dentist being able to do anything (She had a filling fall out and the dentist found two new tiny cavities). I've made her a new appointment and I'm thinking of having DH go with her since he's the one who made her afraid in the first place. On a side note, I'd like to mention that his sister works in the office as an assistent, and dd usually behaves better when she's there. The chances are good that she'll be there for the next appointment, but no guarantee. What do you all think? I'm a asking too much of DH to take my dd to the dentist?
 

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If your child is terrified, my guess is that she would really want you there. DH could certainly come along, but I would definitely be there if I were you. Poor kid!


Could DH explain to your dd that he was just telling scary stories? Could she watch him get a dental exam?

I would also talk to the dental office to see if your SIL could be present for the appointment. It's a big PITA for them if a child comes in and won't open her mouth, so they may be more than willing to do anything to make the appointment more comfortable for her.

This situation seems to be a symptom of a bigger problem between you and DH. First, you are the parent, and all parenting decisions should be made by you (and DD's father, if in the picture) and DH should respect that. Also, the two of you will have to do some serious talking on parenting philosophies if the two of you decide to have a child together.

Good luck!
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by cycle View Post
I think it would be cruel to send your dd to the dentist without you. She would want you there. If you are trying to teach your dh a lesson I would not do it at your DD's expense.
:
I agree.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You all are so right. I'm much calmer today, and after sleeping on it, I've decided to call my SIL and ask her for some help. Not just asking if she'll be there for the appointment, but maybe talking with dd. She did mention having a kid's book explaining cavities. Maybe we can borrow it.
As for discussing parenting philosophies, we really do need to sit down and discuss it. But I have a hard time imagining how I want to discuss it! For me a lot just comes naturally. We have discussed certain problems together, but not always to his satisfaction - like when dd cut off the cat's whiskers. I think he would have liked to have strangled dd. I simply took her scissors away and then made up a 2 week plan to modify her behavior towards the cat. He thought it was whimpy. I think he talked to his friends about it because one of them sat down with me to discuss it soon after it happened. She happened to be a former pre-school director (I'll call her S). I told her what I was doing, that I'd discussed it with dd's pre-school teacher (who happens to be S's good friend), and she thought it was great! The same thing happened recently when we had several friends over including S. While I was putting dd to bed, I guess S saw my parenting books on the shelves (she just recently had a baby). DH pulled one out (the Perfect Parenting from E. Pantley with all the quick tips) and started making fun of lots of the entries. S, however, was impressed with the kind of books I had and that I even bothered to purchase books and read up on parenting. So this gave me the opportunity to diffuse DH's hilarity by discussing certain aspects of that particular book and GD in general with her. So unless he turned his ears off, he couldn't help but hear our discussion as he was sitting right next to us.
I think a part of the problem is that he doesn't see what we do all day. He comes home and we're ALL tired. That means none of us is exactly on our best behavior. Still, he must notice that I'm doing something RIGHT since things like bedtime is a non-issue for us. But then again, he may really expect all kids to go willingly to bed and stay put.
And I guess that's the point: his expectations just don't match her age, and while I won't make a fuss over certain things because they are/were age appropriate, he can't hide his impatience. And then he starts imagining problems where there aren't any. He thinks we have no routine and that dd has problems doing her homework because of it. It's just not true! How he came up with that is beyond me since he's not even home when she gets out of school. It's as if he thinks she hasn't done her homework because he hasn't SEEN her doing it. And it's just insulting when I consider that dd gets home around 2 pm, we eat lunch (cooking first if I couldn't do it beforehand), clear the table, she does her homework, and then she's got the rest of the afternoon free to visit a friend, go to the park/playground, or play indoors if the weather's bad. We manage all of this before DH gets home at around 3:30 pm. I think that's a pretty good deal. Too bad he hasn't noticed.
 
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