Have him buy you out on your half of the house, and then let him do whatever he wants to do with the house. Once he does that, and your name is off the house, it's no longer your problem. I wouldn't agree to anything except for that, or at least to you signing over your half of the house, but personally I would make him buy you out.
Am I being misled? Clue me in, money-savvy ones!
Stbx and I are going to separate. He is not being very helpful or forthcoming, and I'm not sure whether he's being tricky, clueless, or if he's correct (and I'm the clueless one
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).
Here's the thing: I can't afford to pay for our house (mortgage $1500/m, home equity loan, $450), so I'm looking for a cheap rental for me and our 2 dc. Stbx wanted to buy himself a cheap fixer-upper house, but apparently the banks don't want to give him a loan. Now he says he's going to stay in the house.
Even with a refi, I don't see how he can afford the house AND child support. The way we had divided the finances, he paid for the home, utilities, and insurance. I paid for groceries, gas, medical copays, and everything for the kids (clothes, gifts, toys, tuition, activities).
While paying only a bit over the minimums on his $20,000 (personal) credit card debts, stbx has, in theory, about $500 "left over" at the end of the month. In reality, he usually has nothing left, because if unexpected expenses don't use it up, he blows it on himself.
Let's assume for a moment that he will keep paying med insurance for the dc, but drop me. Let's also assume he gets a good refi on the house. I don't think he's planning on getting a boarder, btw, because he hates people. Once the dc and I leave, his utilities will go down, of course.
But, he'll be buying his own groceries and gas, plus cs, plus expenses for the kids not covered under cs. Seems to me he's going to be in the hole every month-- by around $1000. Can he make that up some way I'm not seeing?
I'm not thrilled about the idea of putting the house up for sale in a tanked market, but I don't see how he's going to afford it. Should I try to get him to agree to sell, or just let him do what he plans? Both our names are on the mortgage and the heloc. What makes the best sense/safest plan for me and the dc?
Here's the thing: I can't afford to pay for our house (mortgage $1500/m, home equity loan, $450), so I'm looking for a cheap rental for me and our 2 dc. Stbx wanted to buy himself a cheap fixer-upper house, but apparently the banks don't want to give him a loan. Now he says he's going to stay in the house.
Even with a refi, I don't see how he can afford the house AND child support. The way we had divided the finances, he paid for the home, utilities, and insurance. I paid for groceries, gas, medical copays, and everything for the kids (clothes, gifts, toys, tuition, activities).
While paying only a bit over the minimums on his $20,000 (personal) credit card debts, stbx has, in theory, about $500 "left over" at the end of the month. In reality, he usually has nothing left, because if unexpected expenses don't use it up, he blows it on himself.
Let's assume for a moment that he will keep paying med insurance for the dc, but drop me. Let's also assume he gets a good refi on the house. I don't think he's planning on getting a boarder, btw, because he hates people. Once the dc and I leave, his utilities will go down, of course.
But, he'll be buying his own groceries and gas, plus cs, plus expenses for the kids not covered under cs. Seems to me he's going to be in the hole every month-- by around $1000. Can he make that up some way I'm not seeing?
I'm not thrilled about the idea of putting the house up for sale in a tanked market, but I don't see how he's going to afford it. Should I try to get him to agree to sell, or just let him do what he plans? Both our names are on the mortgage and the heloc. What makes the best sense/safest plan for me and the dc?
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he also needs to refi the house, so your name is off the mortgage. a quit-claim deed won't protect your credit score.
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the worst case scenarios - he stays in the house and stops making mortgage payments, giving him 1-2 years free housing then foreclosure (your credit gets trashed too!) or he takes in roommates, and they trash the place, sell the appliances, etc
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Originally Posted by SquishyKitty Have him buy you out on your half of the house, and then let him do whatever he wants to do with the house. Once he does that, and your name is off the house, it's no longer your problem. I wouldn't agree to anything except for that, or at least to you signing over your half of the house, but personally I would make him buy you out. |
the worst case scenarios - he stays in the house and stops making mortgage payments, giving him 1-2 years free housing then foreclosure (your credit gets trashed too!) or he takes in roommates, and they trash the place, sell the appliances, etc
Ok, I know I'm completely naive, but how does he buy me out? I have no idea how it works.
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real estate attorney needed. there would be a bill of sale, transfer tax, a closing, etc. and a new mortgage. sometimes the ex is given a certain period of time to live in the house, make mortgage payments, and come up with financing. If the house is under water, you might get $1 from him in the transfer process, as payment for your half.
Originally Posted by darien Ok, I know I'm completely naive, but how does he buy me out? I have no idea how it works.
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I have the feeling I'm going to get screwed, no matter what. I don't have money for a divorce lawyer, let alone a real estate lawyer! I literally have no savings, and no one to borrow from. Stbx has no savings and is in cc debt. He spoke to a lawyer and to the bank, and we'd be lucky to break even if we could manage to sell the house (the real estate agent I spoke to says selling it at all is unlikely).
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I don't want stbx to screw me and the dc over, but I'm afraid that paying a lawyer to help me would be an exercise in futility.
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 You need to get a really good, mean lawyer, lol. Really. You guys have WAY too much debt it sounds like to not have a professional involved in this situation. You really don't want to end up completely screwed because you don't handle things right. |
I don't want stbx to screw me and the dc over, but I'm afraid that paying a lawyer to help me would be an exercise in futility.
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OP here. Wonder of wonders, stbx brought the issue up today. He got back the appraisal for the refi. He said that it looked like we would be getting about $40,000 back-- so, $20,000 each.
Then he says, "But if I give you that much, I won't be able to pay the mortgage. I can maybe give you $10,000." I'm thinking, How is this MY problem? I said this, in slightly more diplomatic terms, and he was pissed. He reminded me that I "own" half his cc debt. Then I was pissed. I said, "Don't even go there-- you've admitted many times that you spent that money on yourself!"
He said "I'm not saying I'm going to try and make you pay it." So I asked him, why was he bringing it up? He reiterated that he would have to pay me $10,000 or less to buy me out, if he wanted to keep the house. I said, "You get the house, and what do I get out of this 'deal'?" He said, "You're the one who wanted to divorce, and you're keeping the car!"
It's so big of him
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to "let" me keep the 9 year old minivan that I paid for in the first place. I reiterated that his "offer" didn't seem like a good deal for me. He reminded me that we might not be able to sell the house, or we might not make anything. I said, since it looked like I was going to get screwed either way, I was willing to take that chance.
He was really pissed and said he would call a realtor and put the house on the market. Have I screwed up?
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What should be my next step?
Then he says, "But if I give you that much, I won't be able to pay the mortgage. I can maybe give you $10,000." I'm thinking, How is this MY problem? I said this, in slightly more diplomatic terms, and he was pissed. He reminded me that I "own" half his cc debt. Then I was pissed. I said, "Don't even go there-- you've admitted many times that you spent that money on yourself!"
He said "I'm not saying I'm going to try and make you pay it." So I asked him, why was he bringing it up? He reiterated that he would have to pay me $10,000 or less to buy me out, if he wanted to keep the house. I said, "You get the house, and what do I get out of this 'deal'?" He said, "You're the one who wanted to divorce, and you're keeping the car!"
It's so big of him
He was really pissed and said he would call a realtor and put the house on the market. Have I screwed up?
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Our STBX needs to give you way more than $10,000 if he is going to keep/truly afford this house. What was the appraised value? If it's $200,000 he needs to give you $100,000 minus what ever other assess you are keeping (so $98,000 if you keep the crappy van
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) not $10,000. I think in lots of situations if one partner keeps the house the other partner either borrows a bunch of new money against the house (this requires disposible income after SC and good credit), or the couple has money elsewhere in either taxable or retirement account which the moving out partner takes in leui of the house. It doesn't sound like you collectively have that money elsewhere.
Man if worse case senario happened around here and DH and I would split there is no way Dh even conceive of suggesting such an unfair plan.
It is good that appraiser thought you had some positive equity though.
Originally Posted by darien OP here. Wonder of wonders, stbx brought the issue up today. He got back the appraisal for the refi. He said that it looked like we would be getting about $40,000 back-- so, $20,000 each. Then he says, "But if I give you that much, I won't be able to pay the mortgage. I can maybe give you $10,000." I'm thinking, How is this MY problem? I said this, in slightly more diplomatic terms, and he was pissed. He reminded me that I "own" half his cc debt. Then I was pissed. I said, "Don't even go there-- you've admitted many times that you spent that money on yourself!" He said "I'm not saying I'm going to try and make you pay it." So I asked him, why was he bringing it up? He reiterated that he would have to pay me $10,000 or less to buy me out, if he wanted to keep the house. I said, "You get the house, and what do I get out of this 'deal'?" He said, "You're the one who wanted to divorce, and you're keeping the car!" It's so big of him
He was really pissed and said he would call a realtor and put the house on the market. Have I screwed up?
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Man if worse case senario happened around here and DH and I would split there is no way Dh even conceive of suggesting such an unfair plan.
It is good that appraiser thought you had some positive equity though.
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Not unless the house is paid off.
If you only have $40k equity in the house, then you only get $20k each. The bank owns the rest so there is no more profit.
So for example, if the house is valued at $200k but you owe the bank$160k, there is only $40k.
Keep in imind that you will have to pay realtor fees and closing costs to sell the house so make sure you put that into the equation to see if it is really worth it. And even though a house appraises at that rate doesn't mean you will actually get that if there are a lot of houses for sale in your area. it really is a buyers market right now and you don't have a lot of time to wait for multilpe offers.
To be quite honest, if this were me and I was going to walk away from the house and STBX were offering me $10k plus he was willing to assume all the debt, I would take the deal. Adding the lawyers fees to fight this plus the costs to sell the house could make this a worse deal for you. You need to do the numbers. You are basically giving up $10k, but it could cost you way more than that to fight. Plus, you WILL get 1/2 the debt if this goes to court. It doesn't matter who it was used for, it is considered marital debt if it was all accumulated while you were married.
Originally Posted by mnnice If it's $200,000 he needs to give you $100,000 minus what ever other assess you are keeping (so $98,000 if you keep the crappy van
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If you only have $40k equity in the house, then you only get $20k each. The bank owns the rest so there is no more profit.
So for example, if the house is valued at $200k but you owe the bank$160k, there is only $40k.
Keep in imind that you will have to pay realtor fees and closing costs to sell the house so make sure you put that into the equation to see if it is really worth it. And even though a house appraises at that rate doesn't mean you will actually get that if there are a lot of houses for sale in your area. it really is a buyers market right now and you don't have a lot of time to wait for multilpe offers.
To be quite honest, if this were me and I was going to walk away from the house and STBX were offering me $10k plus he was willing to assume all the debt, I would take the deal. Adding the lawyers fees to fight this plus the costs to sell the house could make this a worse deal for you. You need to do the numbers. You are basically giving up $10k, but it could cost you way more than that to fight. Plus, you WILL get 1/2 the debt if this goes to court. It doesn't matter who it was used for, it is considered marital debt if it was all accumulated while you were married.
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Sigh. That's what I was afraid of.
I'm really hating my life right now. I've been living like a monk for years, while he was acting like a teenager with Daddy's credit card, and now I have to let him screw me over to avoid getting hosed even worse.
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Okay, pity party over. Let's move on.
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Originally Posted by MtBikeLover To be quite honest, if this were me and I was going to walk away from the house and STBX were offering me $10k plus he was willing to assume all the debt, I would take the deal. Adding the lawyers fees to fight this plus the costs to sell the house could make this a worse deal for you. You need to do the numbers. You are basically giving up $10k, but it could cost you way more than that to fight. Plus, you WILL get 1/2 the debt if this goes to court. It doesn't matter who it was used for, it is considered marital debt if it was all accumulated while you were married. |
I'm really hating my life right now. I've been living like a monk for years, while he was acting like a teenager with Daddy's credit card, and now I have to let him screw me over to avoid getting hosed even worse.
Okay, pity party over. Let's move on.
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