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OK, background:<br><br>
DH, my sister, her boyfriend, and I decided to rent a house on the beach (within driving distance for DH & I; short flight for mom, sis & boyfriend) and plan a long weekend together in celebration of my Mom's 65th birthday. Mom was to fly up, spend a few days with DH, kids, and I before we all drove up to the rental. Sis & boyfriend would fly up and meet us at rental. We will have Saturday and Sunday all together for activities before sis and boyfriend fly out Monday.<br><br>
Since then, mom has met a man and they seem pretty head-over-heels. Yay! Definitely want mom to be happy.<br><br>
New man decided he want to take mom on a road trip for her birthday, so asks if he can come to rental house for a night or two, and then he and mom will drive on trip from there. Ok, great! Looking forward to meeting him.<br><br>
Now, turns out mom will drive up to our area with new man instead of flying, which is fine, but means we get no time alone with her. Oh well, things are changing and I need to adjust. Fine.<br><br>
Now: Just got an email from mom saying casually, "New man wants me to go with him either Saturday or Sunday to have lunch with his son in the city. Would either day work better as far as you are concerned?" Granted the city is only an hour away from the beach rental, BUT...we only have two days all together on this trip! There are loads of cool and fun things to do and see (not including the city, which we will have to drive through to get to the beach house.) Lunch in the city will mean a minimum of four hours of being away! Right in the middle of the day when DD and DS are up and available to hang out!<br><br>
I feel like we've been planning this trip for so long, tried to make it special for mom, and now she wants to run off! But I should want whatever she wants, right? Geez, we forked out a bundle of $ for the rental too!<br><br>
I'm feeling so disappointed and mad! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Am I out of line?
 

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No, your not out of line, but do try to be understanding. New relationshhips can be hard to not get carried away with.<br><br>
Could the son come out to the beach for lunch?
 

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Maybe the son could drive and have lunch with you. I don't think you are out of line. That would hurt my feelings.
 

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Let me see, you rented the place for your Mom's birthday, right? And you wanted it to be a fun time for her, right? So it would seem to me that she should set the itenerary and activities.<br><br>
IMHO, I don't think you should be angry. Maybe disappointed, but not angry. My reasoning is this, I have been on the other side many times. Someone giving me a great "gift" and then getting upset when I used it differently than they entended.<br><br>
For a long time I was just a people pleaser and would go along with it, no matter how unhappy or bored or frustrated I was. Then, one day I realized I was the one getting the gift, I should be the one enjoying it. So I changed how I accepted gifts. I began accepting them with no strings. And I am so much happier now. And so much more appreciative.<br><br>
I think your mom should be encouraged to enjoy her gift, however she wishes.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>acupuncturemomma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15438722"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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I feel like we've been planning this trip for so long, tried to make it special for mom, and now she wants to run off! But I should want whatever she wants, right? Geez, we forked out a bundle of $ for the rental too!<br><br>
I'm feeling so disappointed and mad! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Am I out of line?</div>
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No. Your feelings are not out of line.<br><br>
Can you tell her how you feel? I would leave the money part out of it and just focus on your hopes to have some alone time with her.
 

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Also, if your mom and new beau are driving up, perhaps they can stop in the city on the way to the rental and have lunch....or after the weekend on the way out.<br><br>
I think it could be fruitful just to tell your mom your heart and hopes for the weekend. She will see that you want to include him but also that you wanted something really good for her grandchildren, children, and her! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"><br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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ITA with Kidzaplenty but I also understand how you would feel disappointed. I would probably express that gently and invited SonofNewMan to the house for the day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I know it's hard when you get a vision in your mind about how a particular vacation is going to go and then things get all messy. Good luck ironing it all out!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>eepster</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15438773"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No, your not out of line, but do try to be understanding. New relationshhips can be hard to not get carried away with.<br><br>
Could the son come out to the beach for lunch?</div>
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This was my thought...and am I missing something here because aren't you just meeting the man your mom is seeing? why meet the son already???
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Essie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15442599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This was my thought...and am I missing something here because aren't you just meeting the man your mom is seeing? why meet the son already???</div>
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My guess? Because at 65, time is of the essence.
 

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I agree with Kidzaplenty.<br><br>
I understand your disappointment, but I wouldn't be mad about it. I would just try to focus on spending the time she is away for lunch on hanging out on the beach with my family and my sister.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Essie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15442599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This was my thought...and am I missing something here because aren't you just meeting the man your mom is seeing? why meet the son already???</div>
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He is meeting her children...why not have her meet his?
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Essie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15442599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This was my thought...and am I missing something here because aren't you just meeting the man your mom is seeing? why meet the son already???</div>
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I think I'm not following this? Mom's new man is getting a chance to meet her kids, why shouldn't Mom also meet his kids in the same sort of time frame?<br><br>
OP, it seems to me, you offered your Mom a trip. Given that its a plane ride, I'm guessing she and new man don't get out that way very much. If I were her, I'd totally take the opportunity to let him meet my kids, and to meet his kids. Also, put yourself in the son's situation. It sounds like you don't get to see Mom often, how would you feel if she was within driving distance for a weekend and chose not to visit you? Knowing she may not be back out that way for awhile?
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Oubliette8</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15442682"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I'm not following this? Mom's new man is getting a chance to meet her kids, why shouldn't Mom also meet his kids in the same sort of time frame?<br><br>
OP, it seems to me, you offered your Mom a trip. Given that its a plane ride, I'm guessing she and new man don't get out that way very much. If I were her, I'd totally take the opportunity to let him meet my kids, and to meet his kids. Also, put yourself in the son's situation. It sounds like you don't get to see Mom often, how would you feel if she was within driving distance for a weekend and chose not to visit you? Knowing she may not be back out that way for awhile?</div>
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Although, IO kind of feel like, why can't the mom and the boyfriend spend time with their respective kids solo? Honestly, the adult children are probably way less interested in meeting the boyfried/girlfriend, than they are having grandma spend time with the grandkids, etc...<br><br>
I'd be annoyed, OP. Sorry your mom is flaking out on you.
 

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I don't think you are out of line. I would be fuming if I had planned something and then some new guy came along and took over. I know it's hard to find love and all that, but really why does it have to be that same weekend? You should tell your mom that you really wanted to spend time with her and the kids as a nuclear family, if the new guy is a keeper he'll understand.
 
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