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I will preface this by saying two things... (1) that DH is the best dad I know and does A LOT for our family and (2) that I really can see his side in the situation that I'm about to describe. That said, I'd like to explain my side and get opinions as to whether I'm being unreasonable. I'll paint a picture of what our marriage is like...<br><br>
OK, so, I'm a SAHM to a 32-month old and a 5-month old. My husband says he thinks I'm a great mom and that's what really matters. That said, I am horrible about doing housework and DH has complained about it several times (justified, I think) and we finally hired a cleaning service (though we may end up cancelling because I don't think there really is room in our budget). I manage to mostly stay on top of the dishes, laundry, bills/finances, and cooking. My other main "fault" in our marriage is that I'm rarely in the mood to be intimate anymore. It's rare we get an opportunity with both boys asleep and in bed at the same time, and when we do have a chance I don't always feel like it. DH works two jobs outside the home to support our family financially. He wakes up at 4:30 AM 3-5 days a week to work the fitness floor at the YMCA, and then goes to his full-time job. Admittedly, his FT job is very flexible and I believe he normally works less than 40 hours a week because of that flexibility, and because he's so good at it that he doesn't need to work "full-time". When DH is home, he is a very active parent and also does a lot around the house - he does all the lawn/outdoor maintenance as well as any projects that come up, which seems like they always do. In all, I would say he works VERY hard between his jobs and his household responsibilities, and deserves some time to relax/enjoy himself.<br><br>
As far as time to himself... he manages to get to the gym most days during the week, either after his shift at the YMCA or on his lunch break. I support him going to the gym because it's important for his sanity and his health, and he's actually more pleasant to be around when he's working out regularly. One of his best friends is the only one left who's still single/childless, and this friend relies on my husband a lot for his social life. My husband's office is near this friend's apartment, so they've started a standing "date" for drinks every Thursday after work. It doesn't end up being every week, maybe around twice a month, and our agreement is that DH is home by 6:30 in time for dinner. DH and this friend (and some of their other friends) also enjoy watching boxing, which is always on late, so sometimes (around once a month during the busy season) DH will sacrifice sleep on a weekend to go watch boxing with his friends after the kids are asleep. DH loves all other sports too, especially football and baseball. He stopped buying season tickets for the local college football team (his alma mater) after DS1 was born, but usually goes to a few games a year with my dad or a friend. This year he's trying to rally all his friends to get season tickets again, in the cheapest section available so if he misses a few games it's not a big deal. I'm not thrilled about it because when he does go, it's at least half the day away from the family. He's also a huge fan of the local-ish NFL team and tries to attend a couple games each year, which turns into an all-day event with travel time (a couple hours), tailgating, etc. His single friend buys tickets for the local AAA baseball team and is always inviting my husband to go. Normally he doesn't really want to but goes once or twice a year out of a feeling of obligation toward his friend, but now there's an up-and-coming pitcher who's supposedly fantastic and DH really wants to go see him play. Twice now he's turned his friend down to go see him, and now he really wants to go today. I told him I didn't want him to (because after having no help with the kids all day, I really like his help in the evening especially at bedtime because DS1 still nurses to sleep too), but that he's an adult and can make his own decision. Finally I told him to just go because I'd rather have him go than have him not go and be resentful toward me about it. He's still a little resentful that I didn't "let" him go to a game for the NFL team he likes when DS2 was only 2 weeks old, or when they played on a Monday night and all his friends went when DS1 was only a month old.<br><br>
If you've read this far, thank you! Anyway, DH tries to encourage me to go out and do stuff too and has never given me a hard time about anything. The thing is, none of my close friends live nearby whereas 5 of his 6 best friends are local. Also, for me to be away from the kids is such a big production because the baby is still EBF so I have to pump, plus he naps 3-4 times a day and it's very difficult for DH to get either of them to sleep (DS1 still naps once a day too). All that said, I do occasionally get out. I teach a Yoga class once a week so that's sort of me-time even though it's a job and I have to be there. I also try to get to the gym myself 2-3 times on a good week, in which case I'm always there and back within an hour.<br><br>
I think I have a few reasons for feeling the way I do every time DH wants to go out with his friends. (1) I'm a little jealous that it's so easy for him to go out and do stuff and for me, it's such a big production and I always feel guilty leaving the kids, and like I need to rush to be home sooner. (2) I'm a little jealous that we live near his friends and not near mine (who are all 4+ hours away, whom I haven't seen in a few years). (3) We never go out without the kids, mostly because we don't trust anyone to babysit them. Right now I don't feel super-comfortable with it either because it's the two of them, but when it was just DS1 I would have been more likely to trust my parents or sister (both of whom are not at all AP) to watch him, and DH was much more skeptical. In addition to not trusting anyone to watch them, DH always says that he enjoys spending time with the kids and doesn't want to be away from them, he'd rather have dinner as a family than leave them and go out with just me. In essence, that seems nice but it makes me feel guilty for wanting time alone with him, and also it makes me feel bad because he doesn't mind taking time away from them to go out with his friends occasionally, but minds if it's just me. (4) Lastly, I'm worried about what others think of him as a dad. As I said, he's the best dad I know. He's truly amazing. I worry that if people see him going out frequently they'll think he's not as devoted of a father/husband as he really is. Which I think makes him look bad, and me look bad for putting up with it. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I do.<br><br>
I really do see DH's side of all this. He works super-hard at two jobs and around the house/yard. He puts up with a wife who doesn't do much around the house and doesn't "give him any" most of the time. He goes out of his way to do nice things for me and tell me how much he loves and appreciates me. All he asks is for some time to do the things he enjoys every now and then. I just wish he could see my side too, though I don't even know if my side is reasonable.<br><br>
If anyone read all this, I really appreciate it. And I would really appreciate any insight. Thanks in advance for any replies.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SollysMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15439928"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Also, for me to be away from the kids is such a big production because the baby is still EBF so I have to pump, plus he naps 3-4 times a day and it's very difficult for DH to get either of them to sleep (DS1 still naps once a day too). All that said, I do occasionally get out. I teach a Yoga class once a week so that's sort of me-time even though it's a job and I have to be there. I also try to get to the gym myself 2-3 times on a good week, in which case I'm always there and back within an hour.<br><br>
I think I have a few reasons for feeling the way I do every time DH wants to go out with his friends. (1) I'm a little jealous that it's <b>so easy for him to go out and do stuff and for me, it's such a big production and I always feel guilty leaving the kids</b>, and like I need to rush to be home sooner. (2) I'm a little jealous that we live near his friends and <b>not near mine</b> (who are all 4+ hours away, whom I haven't seen in a few years). (3) We never go out without the kids, mostly because we don't trust anyone to babysit them. Right now I don't feel super-comfortable with it either because it's the two of them, but when it was just DS1 I would have been more likely to trust my parents or sister (both of whom are not at all AP) to watch him, and DH was much more skeptical. In addition to not trusting anyone to watch them, DH always says that he enjoys spending time with the kids and doesn't want to be away from them, he'd rather have dinner as a family than leave them and go out with just me. In essence, that seems nice but it makes me feel <b>guilty for wanting time alone with him</b>, and also it makes me feel bad because he doesn't mind taking time away from them to go out with his friends occasionally, but minds if it's just me. (4) Lastly, I'm <b>worried about what others think of him as a dad</b>. As I said, he's the best dad I know. He's truly amazing. I worry that if people see him going out frequently they'll think he's not as devoted of a father/husband as he really is. Which I think makes him look bad, and me look bad for putting up with it. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but I do.</div>
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Okay, here's how I see it.<br><br>
You should take more time for yourself when you can, and I think that will help. But 2 nights out a month + some games doesn't seem crazy-bad to me to me, provided you have opportunities to get out too. However I'd set a limit on the games - like 5, or whatever.<br><br>
1. While your baby is so little, the production aspect won't change - and it's biology. So it is going to be a hassle. But the guilt part is yours and you can work to change that. Also you might find going out just for half an hour is refreshing.<br><br>
2. You need to make local friends. That's kind of your thing to do too - your DH can't help the imbalance and making him feel bad about it isn't going to resolve the actual problem, which is that you need local friends.<br><br>
3. Your DH needs to get over this eventually/soon. I am with you on this: It's important to find some time together, whether that's after the kids are in bed (hard on his schedule) or by having family or a babysitter watch them.<br><br>
4. Not to be too harsh, but this is entirely your issue. Even if people did think he was a bad dad, if he's not, it's their problem. But also a "good dad" - just like a "good mom" also does things alone.
 

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You will probably get better replies, but I wanted to post really quickly because I really relate to your post..your youngest is only a few months old, and little babies are very dependent on mama ( I know you know this <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">) so a lot of this will improve when your baby gets a little older. I felt a little jealous and trapped when my babe was small and that totally resolved. I don't think anything your husband is doing is unreasonable, but you aren't feeling good about it. I would work on stuff that would pick up your spirits. It sounds like your husband isn't complaining about the cleaning service. So...keep it and try to stop feeling guilty about it. In my neck of the woods/social circle if someone is cooking, keeping up with dishes and on top of bills she is a talented homemaker <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> anyway...<br><br>
-it kinda makes sense to stay close to home and have less "me" time when your babe is so small...but give your husband more chances to put the kids to bed, maybe run to a coffee shop with a magazine for an hour at nap time/night time (yes, this was my major form of me time for months because I could scoot home quickly and all I wanted was to read a magazine and drink something by myself) That way, when you are nursing less you CAN get more alone time.<br><br>
-you need more support/companionship...can you join a mom's group? It may seem intimidating but it would help a lot. You may find other women you click with and even if you don't become best friends you may be friendly enough to meet for coffee. If you have moved away from your old friends, you need new ones. That is way easier said than done, but you should make it a priority. It could pave the way to having an occasional babysitter -your kiddos would be getting to know them gradually <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
-that leads to a possible date night! It sounds like you guys could use some more connection.<br><br>
From your post it sounds like your husband is very supportive of you. He has found ways and activities that make him happy and satisfied with life. You need to carve out a life that you are happy with that doesn't involve him changing anything for now (except going on dates alone with you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">)<br><br>
Oh, and setting aside the fact that you shouldn't care what people think, I can imagine that most people look at the life you describe and think that your husband is an awesome husband and father and that you are a great mother/homemaker/wife. Is there someone specific or a specific group of people who you are worried about?
 

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GuildJenn's and azgirl's posts are excellent and I don't have anything to say that they didn't already cover! He sounds like a terrific guy, you sound like a great mom and like you appreciate how great he is, and the first few months with a new baby are just tough and you need to stop being so hard on yourselves (feeling guilty about going out, worrying what other people think, worrying that you can't leave the kids with a sitter ...).
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Thank you so much for the replies. DH stopped home after the gym on his lunchbreak and we chatted a bit. He said that he really does see my side, and wants to find ways to help me get out more and feel comfortable doing so. I think the suggestion to have him handle naptime with me close by is a good one. I told him to go to the game tonight if he wants to, that it's really not that big of a deal and I'd much rather him go than NOT go and be mad at me over it.<br><br>
Here's the thing with me getting out / making friends.... I kind of feel like I just don't want to. Like, I do enjoy going to the gym because it's something I enjoy and I get to just be alone. I also enjoy shopping (groceries or Target) by myself once in a blue moon too. I am in my neighborhood book club though I haven't attended a meeting since DS2 was born. I also go to LLL meetings when I can, which I consider to be social hour even though I bring DS2 with me, and we're also in our local AP group, and I'll do playgroup with some of the other moms occasionally. I've become friends with a few of the moms in there to the point where we can call each other and chat for a long time, but we've never gotten together without our kids. One of the women has babysat DS1 a couple times when we had weddings to attend, and during DS2's birth. Anyway I guess I just feel like my time away from home is precious, so I'd rather be at the gym or shopping than putting the effort into building a new friendship. But I know that's not a great idea. We're good friends with our neighbors who have 3 kids (they're not AP) so maybe some time the mom (who's also in book club) and I can go out for a drink or something and leave the kids at home.<br><br>
I think I'm going to push the date night (or afternoon) on him too. Everywhere you read/hear says it's important, but I feel like I can't stress that to DH because I feel guilty, when he says he doesn't want to be away from the kids. I think if we foster our own relationship outside the kids, it may make me more likely to want to be intimate which will solve another problem too.<br><br>
Thanks again for the replies.
 

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You know, I feel myself torn constant over similar situations. I want DH to go out & have fun, he deserves it, but at the same time I kind of resent it.<br><br>
A few thoughts....<br><br>
-Can DH take the older kid with him to games etc.... good bonding time for them & you & the baby can have some alone time which might be a nice break...<br><br>
-How often does it really end up that your DH is going out? It sounds like just once, MAYBE a rare twice a week, which I don't think is unreasonable. Then he spends time at the gym etc. but it sounds like he does that duing his own time (lunch breaks etc.) rather then time he could spend with the family.<br><br>
-Take some me time. I have sooo much trouble doing this, for the same reasons you've mentioned, but it's worth it. I often will just go to the library or run errands alone, no more than an hour (less when DS was younger as he was a frequent nurser!) You could also go for walks or to the gym, or read a book at the coffee shop, etc. It's hard to figure out what to do with yourself when you don't have friends nearby... maybe even have DH take the kids to the park or for a walk so you can just be alone in the house to do what you want to.<br><br>
-If the date night/couple time is important to YOU, you need to talk to him about that. Maybe he doesn't understand why you'd rather have some alone time than time with him AND the kids. And together you can figure out a way to make it happen.<br><br>
-I started going to LLL meetings, meetups, story hours, etc. a few months ago and it helps me resent DH less and also gives DH some time to himself to do things around the house (projects, dishes, laundry, whatever) so that's another option...
 

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first, i wouldn't worry at all about what others may or may not think of you as parents. you can't control it no matter what you do, so worrying about it or dictating certain behaviors of yourself is not going to change it.<br><br>
second, i do recommend trying to get some alone time--or when you have it--do things even if you don't want to. just try, and it really helps. when DH and i were in a slump due to how busy we were (and stressed), we did an exercise where we would do it, even if neither of us wanted to. it did actually help get the body back into that mode, and eventually, it became natural again.<br><br>
third, the main thing is just to work out between you what the appropriate amount of time is. you don't want him to resent you, but do you resent him because of the lack of sameness (time with friends, etc)? even if you don't think you do, there might be other feelings in there worth exploring. the two of you need to figure out a good schedule for time with friends (and sports), as well as alone time together, family time, and so on. both of your needs need to be met.<br><br>
also, getting into a rhythm of housekeeping will be helpful. just create one that works for you--and you'll find you and everyone will be happier. seriously, the rhythm of the day works wonders.
 

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From what I understand, this is what your dh does:<br><br>
Every other Thursday your dh goes out for drinks after work and is home by 6:30<br>
Once a month he’ll go watch boxing after the kids are in bed<br>
During football season, he goes to 2-3 games a month (or wants to) and is gone all day<br>
Once or twice a year he goes to a baseball game<br><br>
I'd have an issue, possibly with the football games 2-3 times a month, but once a month, it'd be OK.<br><br>
As others have said, I think this really is an issue of <i>you</i> finding ways that you can get out and regenerate. Or maybe it's finding ways for you to stay in and regenerate. I'm an introvert in that I recharge at home. Thus, when our kids were really little and we were struggling with this kind of issue, I found what helped the most was dh taking the kids away for the afternoon. I got 2-3 hours to myself to read/surf the net and hang out, and they got a great outing!<br><br>
I also agree that finding ways for you to do things together will help you feel better as a couple.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>SollysMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15440325"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think I'm going to push the date night (or afternoon) on him too. Everywhere you read/hear says it's important, but I feel like I can't stress that to DH because I feel guilty, when he says he doesn't want to be away from the kids. I think if we foster our own relationship outside the kids, it may make me more likely to want to be intimate which will solve another problem too.</div>
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Remind your dh it's like the oxygen mask on the airplane. They always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before you help someone else. That's because it doesn't do the other person any good if you both pass out from lack of oxygen.<br><br>
There's also good reason to believe that if the parents' relationship is solid, the kids will thrive. Right now you're both a little low on oxygen because you've got two very young children. You need to put on your oxygen masks as a couple.<br><br>
It doesn't have to be a frequent date night - just once every 2 months or so might help a lot.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LynnS6</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15441649"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">During football season, he goes to 2-3 games a month (or wants to) and is gone all day<br><br>
<snip><br><br>
I'd have an issue, possibly with the football games 2-3 times a month, but once a month, it'd be OK.</div>
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Actually, I think the football thing is 2-3 more local (1/2 day out) games/season and 2-3 NFL (full day out) games/season. So, more along the lines of 4 1/2 days (total) on football over the entire season, so September - January. About a game a month.<br><br>
Why don't all of you go to a AAA baseball game? They tend to be very family friendly.
 

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I agree that it might be fun to hit one of those AAA ball games together. I've been trying to figure out the local LIttle League schedule so that I can take DS(3) to a game just because I think he'd love it - he gets all excited just watching people play catch. It might be a really good experience that leads to your DH taking the boys out by himself some day.<br><br>
The thing I wanted to hit was your comment about feeling selfish for wanting a date night. It may be selfish, but it's not the bad kind of selfish, ykwim? You fell in love with this guy, and you started a family with him, and when you make demands of him in this way and he meets them, it makes you happier and strengthens your relationship. Which, in turn, gives you both more energy and makes a happier home for your kids. I'm not giving you carte blanche to demand champagne and strawberries and refuse to do the dishes, I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel guilty about asking him to make some time to be with you and you alone.
 

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I get what you're saying about the friends. I have three close friends and that's it. Maybe for your you time, it could just be a matter of curling up in bed and reading a book or having a nice long bath uninteruppted? I need alone time, but I don't necessarily need to go out, if you know what I mean? Maybe your DH could just take the kids to the park on the weekend for an hour and you can just do whatever you want around the house (in peace and quiet!)<br><br>
I think also, it's different for you getting away from the kids. Your DH doesn't see them all day everyday like you do so it makes sense that he would have more desire to see them. That's nothing for you to feel guilty about! I'd try and set up something for you two once a month and then maybe you can work up to once a fortnight or even once a week!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>GuildJenn</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15440055"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Okay, here's how I see it.<br><br>
You should take more time for yourself when you can, and I think that will help. But 2 nights out a month + some games doesn't seem crazy-bad to me to me, provided you have opportunities to get out too. However I'd set a limit on the games - like 5, or whatever.<br><br>
1. While your baby is so little, the production aspect won't change - and it's biology. So it is going to be a hassle. But the guilt part is yours and you can work to change that. Also you might find going out just for half an hour is refreshing.<br><br>
2. You need to make local friends. That's kind of your thing to do too - your DH can't help the imbalance and making him feel bad about it isn't going to resolve the actual problem, which is that you need local friends.<br><br>
3. Your DH needs to get over this eventually/soon. I am with you on this: It's important to find some time together, whether that's after the kids are in bed (hard on his schedule) or by having family or a babysitter watch them.<br><br>
4. Not to be too harsh, but this is entirely your issue. Even if people did think he was a bad dad, if he's not, it's their problem. But also a "good dad" - just like a "good mom" also does things alone.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LynnS6</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15441649"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">From what I understand, this is what your dh does:<br><br>
Every other Thursday your dh goes out for drinks after work and is home by 6:30<br>
Once a month he’ll go watch boxing after the kids are in bed<br>
During football season, he goes to 2-3 games a month (or wants to) and is gone all day<br>
Once or twice a year he goes to a baseball game<br><br>
I'd have an issue, possibly with the football games 2-3 times a month, but once a month, it'd be OK.<br><br>
As others have said, I think this really is an issue of <i>you</i> finding ways that you can get out and regenerate. Or maybe it's finding ways for you to stay in and regenerate. I'm an introvert in that I recharge at home. Thus, when our kids were really little and we were struggling with this kind of issue, I found what helped the most was dh taking the kids away for the afternoon. I got 2-3 hours to myself to read/surf the net and hang out, and they got a great outing!<br><br>
I also agree that finding ways for you to do things together will help you feel better as a couple.<br><br><br><br><br>
Remind your dh it's like the oxygen mask on the airplane. They always tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first before you help someone else. That's because it doesn't do the other person any good if you both pass out from lack of oxygen.<br><br>
There's also good reason to believe that if the parents' relationship is solid, the kids will thrive. Right now you're both a little low on oxygen because you've got two very young children. You need to put on your oxygen masks as a couple.<br><br>
It doesn't have to be a frequent date night - just once every 2 months or so might help a lot.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: to both replies
 

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I'm going to reply slightly differently because I think your time as a couple should come before any outside activities for either of you, ie just after children's needs.<br><br>
We make sure that we're both enthusiastically in agreement, not just grudging agreement, before either of us plans anything. DH just wouldn't go out if I was feeling resentful about it. We'd find a way to do something that made both of us happy.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Thank you so much for all the replies. DH didn't end up going to the baseball game last night, even though I told him I really was fine with it. At first it was more, "I don't want you to go but I'd rather have you go than be mad at me," but then I really was fine with it and realized it was not a big deal. But, my husband didn't feel like going because he hates crowds and he would have gotten home really late, and he was tired. But, he had to help his friend move a couch and then stayed at his place for a couple of beers after to chat so it ended up being a bit of a compromise.<br><br>
As for the suggestion that we/DH bring the boys to some games... DH is so excited to do so, but in a few years. DS1 is very high-energy and wouldn't be able to sit through even 10 minutes of a game. DH has wonderful memories of his dad bringing him to games as a child, so he really can't wait until our boys are old enough.<br><br>
I really am going to work on arranging some time for just us. It's going to be hard for us to trust someone to leave the boys, most likely with my parents. But I agree with everyone that it's important.
 

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The amount of nights out your husband is getting doesn't sound crazy to me. I understand the jealousy factor of how easy it is for him, but try to look at the big picture. Its really hard for the first year or two but it will get easier.<br><br>
Its really important that you make local friends. Its hard but crucial for your sanity. Meetup.com is great, library story time, your yoga studio, all good places.<br><br>
Try to take some small amounts of time for yourself. When you dh is home go for a half hour walk or get you hair cut or something. I need less me time than dh so these small breaks are enough for me to feel like I am a sepereate entity from my kids and not just a milk machine/cook.<br><br>
It will take some time, but once you make some local friends, if they have a family start a babysitting exchange. One saturday you and dh take thier kids while they go out, next week its your turn. We used to do this where we lived before and it was great.<br><br>
Good luck mama!<br><br>
ETA: I only justread taht the games were around 2-3 times a month. This would be the only thing that might bother me. If he is already gone 1-2 times a week another 3 times amonth might overwhelm me. But it depends on how long etc.
 

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I think the amount your husband wants to go out sounds very reasonable. All of it. He's waking up at 4:30 a.m to work two jobs? He cleans and is a great father/partner? He sounds great. I would be supportive of the reasonable amount of time he wants to spend with friends/sports.<br><br>
However, I think you also deserve time alone and as a couple. What me and DP do is we each have our own social night. He's Monday and I'm Wednesday. Every other week we go out on Thursdays. Saturdays he goes on a four hour bike ride and I hang out with kiddos. Sundays I get to sleep in.<br><br>
I do a lot more for/with kids, but he's also working 2 jobs so I can stay home with our 4 kids (6,4,1,9months). I do all the housework, he does outside work, the whole family tends the garden. We both work very very hard.<br><br>
You mentioned that you belong to the Y. We go to the Y and they have free childcare while you work out. My kids love going and playing with the other kids.<br><br>
I think it's important to spend time as a family, but friendships and alone time are also important for a balanced and fullfilling life. At least for me.<br><br>
I would feel very resentful if my partner was not supportive of my reasonable requests for friendship and alone time, and I'm sure that my man would not be happy if I told him to be home at 6:30 on the one night a week that he goes out. Quality Family time is great, and the number one priority, but our kids know that we have good friends, outside interests, and exercise time, just like they have playdates and swimming.
 

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Discussion Starter #17
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<div style="font-style:italic;">ETA: I only justread taht the games were around 2-3 times a month. This would be the only thing that might bother me. If he is already gone 1-2 times a week another 3 times amonth might overwhelm me. But it depends on how long etc.</div>
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Yeah, he'll probably skip the Thursday drinks on the weeks he has a game to go to. That's generally our agreement, that he won't do Thursday if he's got another evening/weekend social commitment.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Care Lee</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15443772"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">...and I'm sure that my man would not be happy if I told him to be home at 6:30 on the one night a week that he goes out.</div>
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DH actually came up with the 6:30 himself. The first week they went, he told his friend (unprompted by me) "I've got to be home by 6:30 if we want to try to do this every week." Occasionally he's been a little late and I try to be understanding as long as he calls to let me know. It's a pet peeve of mine for him (or anyone) to be late without calling.
 

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As for the suggestion that we/DH bring the boys to some games... DH is so excited to do so, but in a few years. DS1 is very high-energy and wouldn't be able to sit through even 10 minutes of a game. DH has wonderful memories of his dad bringing him to games as a child, so he really can't wait until our boys are old enough.</div>
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Most AAA stadiums have a lot of activities for kids - even little ones. As long as he doesn't mind missing part of the game, it should be fine. IMO.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mtiger</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15446792"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Most AAA stadiums have a lot of activities for kids - even little ones. As long as he doesn't mind missing part of the game, it should be fine. IMO.</div>
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Yeah, plus he should at least give it a try, you guys might be surprised... DS never sits still but we brought him to a few hockey games this winter and he loved them, he really watched the game & had a lot of fun (we did take a lot of breaks to allow him to run around & climb the stairs, and when we inadvertently went to 2 or 3 games in one week, he wasn't so interested by the last game... but if he took him to just once a month or something the novelty might not wear off...)
 

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You have every right to feel like you do. I would feel jealous and even a little bitter.<br><br>
BUT, (and I can say this because my kids are grown now) I PROMISE your time will come. This time in your kid's life just isn't the time for you to go out with your friends the way your husband can. It's just part of being a mommy.<br><br>
But, when they are both a little older you will make friends with your kid's friends moms. You will go to Gymboree class, or itty bitty art class, and while your kids are making new friends, you will too.<br><br>
When my daughter was four, I enrolled her in the little gym. We made some new friends, and on their "Friday night out", all the moms and I would go to a male strip bar to watch the kid's gymnastic teacher dance. (He hated that we did that LOL... especially when we came in waving dollar bills).<br><br>
But, when she was a baby, I would have thought that was never going to happen!<br><br>
I went to Bunco, bible studies, day trips with friends. A lot of my friend activities involved the kids, but never the husbands. My ex didn't like that I was having a social life, but, I pointed out his golf obsession, and he relaxed.<br><br>
Anyway... let your husband have this time. Because in a few years it will be your turn.
 
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