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MIL, who cannot travel because of knee surgery in November, wants DH to take the older kids across the country (from AZ to MA) a month after I give birth to our third babe. DH seems like he's interested, tho it just may be pressure from MIL.<br><br>
I'm hesitant. I don't want to be alone with the babe. What if the babe is colicky?<br><br>
FWIW, my parents, who live in our neighborhood, would also be away during part of the trip. I'd essentially be alone within a month of the babe's birth.<br><br>
I hate the guilt trip, and I have this feeling that I'd always hold it against MIL and DH if he goes.<br><br>
I asked SIL (MILs DD) what she thought, in her professional opinion as a MW, and she said that I didn't want to be in that position so soon after birth.<br><br>
Am I nuts for even second guessing myself?
 

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Nope. MIL is the nuts one. If she is normally a good MIL, then maybe she thinks you would enjoy the peace and quiet. If she is normally a bad MIL, then maybe she is doing this because she is bitter that she can't travel and see the new baby.<br><br>
What about them going BEFORE that baby is born? Maybe six weeks or so. That way you could have some peace and quiet before the baby is born.
 

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How long would the trip be? It might be nice to have the older kids and your dh away for a short while--like a week or ten days--so you would have less laundry, cooking, cleaning, noise, etc. You could just sleep when baby sleeps, nurse, and hang out!<br><br>
Something longer than that might be beyond my threshold, though. And I would make sure the tickets are refundable/reschedulable in case you're absolutely not up to it.
 

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I think it would be great! Gives the older two something fun to do, gives you some one on one time with the baby. I think it's a win/win. I don't understand the fear of being alone with the baby, but that's just me.
 

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I'd be inclined to say no. 4 weeks isn't all that far into your postpartum period and I remember still being very tired and very sore at that point and needing help around the house. And that's with a vag birth. When I had my CS I definitely needed help just to do basic things. I think it's too soon, but that's just my opinion.
 

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Normally I'd say let your DH go and enjoy the alone time, but you said you don't want to be alone with the baby that long. I completely understand that. Newborns can be overwhelming and going a week alone with no break at all is going to be really hard on you unless you have a super mellow kid. I'd say tell your DH and the older kids they can go before you give birth, but after you need the help and want them to bond with the baby. I mean, at that point is your DH even going to want to be away from his new kid that long?
 

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I think it might be nice to have that special time with the baby. You could focus all of your energy on the baby and resting. No cooking, cleaning or caring for a house full of people. But if you don't want to then don't.
 

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If you don't want him to go, tell him so.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>philomom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15392507"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No way. Re-schedule. Either you all go or none of you do.</div>
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This is the way I would feel in that position. Why wouldn't she rather wait until you and the new baby can come?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Heavenly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15392599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it would be great! Gives the older two something fun to do, gives you some one on one time with the baby. I think it's a win/win. I don't understand the fear of being alone with the baby, but that's just me.</div>
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ITA! And if the baby was colicky (I've had one), I'd rather deal with it alone than try to juggle that and two other kids. I think a month pp, you'll be in a routine and you'll know your baby. If it's awful and you don't feel up for it, they can reschedule.<br><br>
That said, your feelings are your feelings and you're entitled to them. But I would be honest with dh and explain your fears so he understands where you're coming from and no one will have hard feelings.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thanks for your replies.<br><br>
FWIW, I've been completely honest with everyone...MIL, DH, my parents, SIL, others about this since the idea was first posed back in November.<br><br>
I do think there's potential in not having to mother three kids at once, but I do not look forward to having to shop, cook, and entertain myself for two weeks within a month of the birth.<br><br>
And new babes are just unpredictable. My DD stayed up late at night...and I'd hand her off to DH and go to bed at 10. She'd stay up for a few more hours. DS was just a colicky mess, and for some reason he responded much better to DHs hold and movements than mine. Plus, having someone to hand off a screaming babe to hold just for bathroom break or a shower was invaluable.<br><br>
I'm fairly convinced its not going to happened. At this point, I just wanted to see what others think (to check my sanity), as well as wonder why I've been indirectly (nothing is ever said to me, rather to my mom, DH, and others) badgered for months when I clearly said no in November.<br><br>
ETA: I'm due in five weeks. DH is a schoolteacher, so MIL was trying to fit the trip in for him while he was off from school.
 

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having two weeks all alone with my new little one with no other responsiblities during that time sounds heavenly to me. i'd require hubby to do a massive grocery shopping trip to stock up on any little bit of food i'd need and then i'd kiss them all goodbye on their way out the door.<br><br>
for what it's worth, i've been the 22 hours a day parent since my LO was 8 days old. by one month, no problems. but, everyone is different, and everyone has a different comfort level as well as different ideas / dreams on how their babymoon will go.<br><br>
i also think that you should get the final say. if you said no way back in november and there are still discussions going on you need to get forceful in your wording.
 

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Was your MIL wanting help because of the knee surgery and that's why she wants your DH and the kids there? Or just for a regular visit?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Grace and Granola</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15392667"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">That said, your feelings are your feelings and you're entitled to them. But I would be honest with dh and explain your fears so he understands where you're coming from and no one will have hard feelings.</div>
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Personally, I'd let dh make the decision. But I was a single mom when ds was a baby so did it all alone anyway. No big deal to me <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"> But between dp and myself, he would never *want* to leave a baby and me within a month of his/her birth unless there was an emergency so I can't imagine this situation happening.
 

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I would probably push it out a little longer. 6 weeks sounds way better than the possibilty of two weeks pp. My DH took my ds when I was 6 wk pp, and it was great for a few days, but kinda lonely after that. Though the house was always clean, so that was nice.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Marsupialmom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15392749"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I would want to know the reason why behind the trip.<br><br>
Why can't you go?</div>
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Well, my due date is June 18. The trip would be for July 4th and the following two weeks or so. Depending on when I give birth, it could be cutting it really close. The trip is preferred then, as the family is scheduled to go to the family cottage (no electricity, on an island off the coast of ME...great, but not with a babe under one month when you'd need to fly cross country). Now that I think of it, its a bit odd as it's a difficult trek to the cabin, and with MIL's knee, it sounds impossible.<br><br>
Regardless, we can't push it out much further as DH goes back to teaching the second week of August (yep, school starts that early here). MIL wants to see the kids, and doesn't feel like she's up for traveling. We generally go back to see them once per year, and they come out once per year. We were out there last summer and last November.<br><br>
To be honest, I work my butt off full time, go to school almost full time, and do most kid organizing. Post partum is practically the only time in my life that I get waited on, and I'm looking forward to that.<br><br>
We went out to visit MIL/FIL when DS was 2.5 months. It was not relaxing in the least for me. I did not feel like anyone offered any help beyond suggesting that we needed supernanny for my DD (who was having difficulty with the transition to a new babe), and we were not in our own home with a colicky babe who did not like to be surrounded by people.
 

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I can see not wanting your dh to leave for 2 weeks right after you give birth. I was a mess after I gave birth, I felt like I couldn't do anything but nurse, and even that was tough. I really needed help.<br><br>
Could your dh maybe just take your older 2 kids for 4 or 5 days instead of 2 weeks? That might be an ok compromise, especially if he could take them after your parents were back to help you a bit?
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Heavenly</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15392599"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think it would be great! Gives the older two something fun to do, gives you some one on one time with the baby. I think it's a win/win. I don't understand the fear of being alone with the baby, but that's just me.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">
 
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