Am I crazy? Or just pregnant?

I'm not sure what to say that would help. It's his mother that's being selfish. Having a baby is a very emotional time for a woman, especially her first. Our focus is like an inward spiral, starting broad before and near conception, then gradually tightening inward to our bellies and babies until birth. After the babymoon time, the spiral slowly opens out and we begin to see the rest of the world again.
This is normal. We are designed this way.
For his mother to want you to focus on HER, rather than your pg and baby is stupid and selfish.
My MIL and I had a hard time, too, but we each just kept making small efforts and didn't blame the other when things were tough or uncomfortable. It has taken us 8 years to get to be friends. It wouldn't have happened at all if there had been recriminations or bitterness or other such female nonsense.

How is this affecting your relationship with your dh? Please talk to him about needing him right now to be focused on you and the baby, that after the baby is a few months old you'll be able to start looking at other relationships.

-Lindsay

Your MIL sounds very immature.

My husband and I decided that there are some topics we just aren't going to discuss with our families so that life will be easier for all of us. I think maybe your husband needs to start steering clear of all conversations/change the subject with your mother regarding the like or dislike betweween you and her.

I got married 1.5 years ago and now have a 7 month old. It was very stressful on us. I was very sick through out the pregancy and felt very unsupported by dh. It is only now that I'm dealing with pp depression that he is realizing he needs to pay more attention to me andn he has done an about face.

All I can say is you two need to figure out how to communicate better, possibly counseling? You don't want to end up feeling alone with a new baby.

But also try and cut your husband some slack. He's never done this before (i'm assuming) and is probably just dumb. He WILL learn, and please try not to worry too much because you need to be calm and happy right now.

Maybe show him this thread??

good luck

I second showing your dh this thread.

But, I wanted to come at this from a different angle. My MIL and I have always had a strained relationship. It stems mostly from the fact that she is manipulative and domineering - which I rebel from naturally.

When I was pregnant with ds, we lived FAR away from MIL and I had a great pregnancy. I did feel a bit unsupported by dh, but he didn't know what to expect with a new wife and then a pregnant wife shortly after our marriage.

With this pregnancy, we live literally minutes from MIL and it's been hard. I've been much more emotional overall. But, dh has been great. And, my broad warning to him (to reiterate to his mother) was that I was pregnant and hormonal, plus a mother to a toddler who still didn't sleep through the night. MIL has been much less whiny about why I don't see much of her or involve her much in the pregnancy. But, what do I get from that warning? MIL always asks dh if this will be our last baby since this pregnancy has been so hard for me, tells her friends the same thing. : I hate that because this pregnancy hasn't been hard except for many factors like emotions and then associated stress from her - wanting our child to "have a good Catholic name" and other silly things (no offense to those who find this important.)

Bottom line: ask your dh to support you, to realize that the hormones associated with pregnancy are new to both you and him (and maybe his mother has forgotten them?), and that right now you want to concentrate on your bond with him and the upcoming arrival of your child. And that, once you've settled into your role of mother and wife, you will feel much more comfortable searching out the relationship with your MIL. And, above all, good relationships cannot be forced, then happen naturally.

Hang in there mama!

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Hmm, this sounds way too familiar to me. I'm struggling with MIL problems right now too, though it's all a lot more blown out of proportion because my husband and I have been together for over seven years and she has fought tooth and nail against our relationship every step of the way. She has tried every angle, from just being cold and rude to spreading lies and rumors to telling him to leave me--to my face. So in short there's a lot of water under the bridge. Now we're expecting our first and she wants to be able to just say "sorry about all that, let's be best friends forever!" and make all that crap go away. Even as she still makes it quite clear that she thinks I am scum of the earth because I "stole" her "little boy."

Fortunately/unfortunately my mother has a lot of experience with this kind of thing, since my dad's mom is much the same. Her advice to me is to just disengage completely. She learned that no matter how hard she tried to please her MIL, no matter how much she compromised and swallowed her feelings and stressed herself out, there was always something that would get held against her and thrown back in her face, because her MIL was not willing to let go and accept that their marriage was here to stay and life moves on. So her advice to me was to just disengage and keep interactions with her as neutral and sparse as possible.

Of course optimally your husband will take a stand with his mother and say something like "mom, I understand you and my wife don't always get along, but I love her and I need you to stop criticizing her and stressing her out." Really, it's his job to do that, for the sake of peace in his family.

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You're not crazy -- you're pregnant and acting very normal. I became very emotional and needy during my first pregnancy at about 30 weeks along. This time around I haven't noticed it as much. But I think it is very normal to need to know that your DH is there and going to be there for you and support you. Pregnancy, childbirth, and having an infant are all things that made me (and others I assume) feel very vulnerable. So when DH did little, normal things like go fishing instead of go to the movies with me, I reacted much more emotionally than I normally would have when I wasn't pregnant.

I guess what I'm saying is that it's totally normal for you to feel the way you do, and I would have done the same thing (avoiding the MIL) had she been around, because we don't get along well either. Be really honest with DH and when you talk to him I'd say try not to be confrontational, but try to tell him how you're feeling, how it's related to pregnancy, and how you really need his support right now. Maybe you've already done this! It will be wild and crazy for a while, until you get into a pattern with your baby, but things settle down eventually.

Good luck with your birth & new family!

Grrr... big sister irl here to OP. I wonder if having Derek read this would be good? I was kinda thinking that it would but ultimately you know how he would take it. Honestly Ashley, I'm thinking once you make it quite clear how you are, it will settle out over time. You are pretty private in general where she is like REEEEEEALLY overwhelming personality wise. Unfortunately you don't have lots of time now so just keep trying to stay peaceful in yourself until Bree comes I wish I could help more but it seems like I tend to always say the wrong things to the wrong people at all the wrong times out of feeling super defensive of my little sister.

That's really tough *hug* Definitely keep talking with your husband, make sure he knows how you feel. I completely agree that it's important that he (gently but firmly) puts his foot down with his mom. He is now a married man, which means he has separated from his parents and joined with his wife. So if it comes to taking sides, his mom has to know that he sides with you. Not that he wants to be pushed into a battle or competition, but if she forces the issue then he will support/defend you and refuse to get sucked into listening to his mom criticize you.

It's hard making the adjustment to married life, especially when extended family aren't helping much. Once your wee one is here and you've gotten into the swing of mamahood, I think you'd really enjoy attending a weekend marriage conference! DH and I have been to two of them and we have a great time. We hope to go every year. This is the one we go to: Weekend to Remember Conference. It's put on by Christians but it's very non-Christian friendly. The speakers are always hilarious. It's a lot of fun to just spend the weekend with your honey and talk about all kinds of stuff in your relationship.

*hug* In the meantime, have a date night with your DH, get emotionally connected with him, and enjoy preparing for your baby!!!!!!!

I think my POV is a little different.

First of all, no one on here can tell you if you are being crazy or normal, because we haven't "seen you in action" (so to speak). Does that make sense?

I just wonder if you can't find a little space in your mind for your MIL. Just a lunch date or something and talk to her about baby stuff and include her.

I say this because you are not the only one going through a crazy time with a baby on the way. Your DH is too. He is in a rough spot wanting two people he cares very much about to just be civil to eachother.

I have no idea if its possible, or how nuts this MIL is, but it sounds like she is complaining that she is not allowed a part in the upcoming baby, etc. I think it would be worth the effort to include her a bit, for DH's sake and really for your own. It would prolly mean a lot to him, wouldn't kill you, and will make things a lot smoother later. Esp. since one of your priorities is getting your marriage stronger. I highly doubt things will get easier after the baby is born. Then you'll be stressed out with lack of sleep etc. There's never gonna be a stress free time you'll want to embrace her. MILs come with the package. I'd try my hardest to have at least a small relationship with her. Just set your boundaries, and it should be fine.

Hugs to you!
XOXO
B

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Its so funny cause I didn't think Derek would take it well but he has improved so much with this situation already. I am amazed, and feel so much better. As long as him and I are getting along Im not half as stressed about it.