[whiteisle]

I've got a 2 yo dd and a 4 yo ds and #3 is due late May. I love the idea of homeschooling, especially unschooling. I hate the idea of shipping them off to public school 5 days a week to put them in someone else's care and for them to get some "goverment learning/empty education". I hate the idea of being bound by test scores, schedules, truancy and typical peer pressure. So in that sense, unschooling makes perfect sense for us.
However, I don't consider myself to be a very fun person and I'm definitely not the social type. I am an only child and have always been pretty content with my own company. I enjoy reading, organizing, and working on personal projects. I've never been a kid-oriented person, meaning I don't have a natural inclination or ability to work with kids. Of course, my own are a different story. I love them inmeasurably and they are the sunshine in my life.

But it's very hard for me to "get down on their level". I draw a blank when it comes to playdoh, blocks, etc and please don't ask about crafty things

. I do better with physical stuff like tickling them, swinging, throwing a ball and I excel at observing them

. But I don't do well probing their thoughts (like watching a show or reading a book and asking them questions about it or discussing it). I feel really bad that I don't have more motivation or inclination or whatever you want to call it to do more with them. But I think back on my childhood, and granted I went to school, but I don't remember my parents orchestrating my activities and saying, " let's make a ________; or let's pretend_________; or really being right in the middle of my business. They worked and had their own interests and it all seemed fine. But it seems like my kids are very demanding of my involvement. I don't know if it's their ages or what. They do like to watch alot of tv, but it's limited to PBS shows or Noggin or DVDs. We don't allow stuff with commercials. And it's not like they don't have things to play with. They are well stocked with all sorts of stuff. Admittedly, they do waiver back and forth through the day. They'll watch some tv, then move on to an activity (pretend cooking, building with blocks, some computer time).
Whenever I try to do something like cook, plant a tree, work in the yard, etc. they want to be involved and I don't have a problem with that other than they are horrible listeners. DS (4) has no respect for rules or for listening to my instructions. He's going to do it HIS way and will argue til he's blue in the face. I can't take it. I stresses me out totally. And I hate that. He wants to be involved in "grown-up" stuff, but he can't or won't follow directions. I can better understand dd (2) given her age. I feel very frustrated and guilt-ridden about all this. I want my kids to love learning and to do so at their pace and what their interested in, but I just don't feel that I can orchestrate each and every day for them.

I guess I'm wondering, given my personality, if this is the right choice for us.

 

[Ruthla]

You don't have to orchestrate each and every day for them. Really, you can let them "be kids" and play and explore and come up with things on their own (of course, your job is to provide interesting things for them to explore.)

Your son is only 4. He IS going to get more mature as he gets older. Even if he's never great about following directions, he'll eventually get a good sense of what's safe and unsafe (both in terms of not hurting himself and others, and not breaking things.) Part of the problem is his intense personality, part is the age, and part may be unrealistic expectations of him.

Sometimes, when you have several children, it's easy to see the older kids as being bigger and/or more mature than they really are. He's 4, not 7, and due to his unique personality, he may be "more of a handful" than other kids his age. He is who he is. I think you'd feel a lot less frustrated with his behavior if you didn't expect him to do things he's not ready to do.

Yes, there are times when parent and child push each other's buttons and it's healthier for the relationship for them to have some space apart. School can be very good for those families, especially for structure-craving kids whose needs are easily met in a school setting. But I'm not convinced that you're facing that right now. Would your son REALLY do better in school all day, or would he spend the day pushing against other people's rules and regulations that make even less sense to him than yours do?

 

[whiteisle]

Hi Ruthla - No, I don't think he'd do better in a school setting at all, which is another reason I think unschooling is the right choice for him. He'd be bored and frustrated all day I think.

And perhaps I do expect a little more from him at times, not so much because of his age, but because he has demonstrated many, many times his capacity for mature thought and action. He has done or said so many things that have totally blown me away and made me think, "this kid's only 4??!!?" He really does have a maturity beyond his age, however, he IS still only 4 and he does revert back to that "typical" behavior and I think that's where some of my frustration comes in with him.

 

[Piglet68]

I don't think that you need a certain temperament or personality to unschool. Because children come in all sorts of temperaments and personality types, too. Personally, I don't spend a whole lot of "floor time" with my kids, rarely sitting down with them to perform specific tasks. Learning just sort of happens around here, with DD asking a question out of the blue - say in the car or while snuggling in bed at night - and that leads to neat conversations that then prompt her to explore new things. She is very self-driven that way, however, which makes it easier. But I suspect that our laid back approach will be good for when DS starts more formal unschooling (if there even is such a thing, lol) because he is not driven in the traditional academic persuits that DD is, and so it will be a neat journey.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that unschooling looks different for different families based on whether they are homebodies or social butterflies, enjoy regular routines and schedules or prefer to take each day as it comes, like to keep busy with lots of outside-the-home activities or prefer to keep days open and spontaneous....you will find the unschooling life that suits your family and that will necessarily include fitting your own likes and dislikes into it.

 

[Mizelenius]

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiteisle And perhaps I do expect a little more from him at times, not so much because of his age, but because he has demonstrated many, many times his capacity for mature thought and action.

My SIL is like this. Since my DD is, too, my MIL gave us the advice . . .she told us not to make the same mistakes she made with her DD, and to always remember that just because a child is advanced in some ways, emotionally they are probably not at that same level.

Your battles with your DS (he sounds like my DD) won't get easier if you send him to school. If he's like my DD, there will be constant battles AND you'll only get to see each other at the worst times of day (rushing off to school and being tired afterwards).

 

[ShineliketheSon]

You can always give it a try and change your mind at any time. I know a family who has had their children in one year, then out the next then two years later back in due to different circumstances. They have 3 chidren: 8 yo is strictly homeschooled (though she did attend preschool), 14 yo was in a few years of public school, then a year of catholic, now strictly homeschooled, and a 16 yo who does half public/ half homeschool. The freedom of choices are great!!!! You adjust as your family adjusts! So I'd say give unschooling a try and see how it goes. Maybe a few hours a few times a week of DS having time away from you could help you to relax a little more, like a gymnastics class or art class or playdate at a friends house. I know I need some time away from DD every once in a while, ballet class and sunday school as well as my monthly scrapbooking day have been great for me!

 

[vaughnmama]

I was right there with the same worries when my DS was 2, my other DS was 4, and baby on the way. Now that my kids are 3, 5, and 9 months, I am hooked on unschooling. I still get stressed out sometimes with the boys and the demands on me, and I feel like I wish I had more time to spend with them... but I'm committed to having them home. I'm positive they'd have even less inspiration to learn if they went to school.

 

[rockportmama]

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[MsChatsAlot]

You will be the perfect fit for what they need. Whatever you are doing with them now, will gradually evolve and change and mature as they do. If they need more, you'll help them find more, if they need something else, you'll assist them with that. Unschooling is just being the same responsive parent you've been thus far, so relax, take it one step at a time, one year at a time, one child at a time.

 

[sahmama_12]

Quote:

Originally Posted by whiteisle Hi Ruthla - No, I don't think he'd do better in a school setting at all, which is another reason I think unschooling is the right choice for him. He'd be bored and frustrated all day I think. And perhaps I do expect a little more from him at times, not so much because of his age, but because he has demonstrated many, many times his capacity for mature thought and action. He has done or said so many things that have totally blown me away and made me think, "this kid's only 4??!!?" He really does have a maturity beyond his age, however, he IS still only 4 and he does revert back to that "typical" behavior and I think that's where some of my frustration comes in with him.

I too experience this with my oldest. He is advanced in some things, average in others and behind in others. I take a great deal of effort to remember he is who he is. I make it my business to know his limits in all things and try not to compare with other kids his age because he is unique. Sometimes you still get frustrated, true but direct that frustration where it belongs. You are frustrated about not understanding how mature he is in X situation. Its not really frustration with him, just the situation. I find that helps me.

As for the unschooling personality question: I agree with pp that unschooling and just homeschooling looks different and adjusts differently for each family that tries it. Thats why I dislike definitions of unschooling: can it have structure? can there be routine? can you use curriculum? can you attend formal classes?
I think you need to throw away labels and do what you as their mother know will work for your kids. It'll probably be a work in progress maybe for their entire lives living with you, but just adjust and do what works for you and for them.

 

[maciascl]

Wow! OP, I could have written your post almost exactly, only mine are 5 & 2 & we may not have anymore because I struggle enough with trying to be a good mom to just the 2 of them.

I am excited to read the advice you were given!

 

[DesertMommy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Piglet68 I don't think that you need a certain temperament or personality to unschool.

I do. I think you need to have the ability to control your temper and frustration level. Its important for any parent, but with unschooling the time together can be crazy-making if you are having a particularly stressful or frustrating period in your life. So, no you don't need to be good at play dough or origami, but you do need to be good at protecting your own needs and keeping cool. This is coming from someone who has to tell herself to breathe EVERYDAY.

 

[MommyMichele]

I could have started this thread myself, except I've been fumbling along at unschooling longer as mine are 7, 5, and 2 now (always unschooled). I'm so excited to read this thread, I'm subbing by replying before I even read all the replies, to make sure I don't lose it.

I guess I might be able to offer some encouragement, as I believe my kids are doing very well academically at least. But I do worry a lot of the time that I'm not doing enough for them.