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<p>My husband is such a great guy. He's everything I thought I wanted. But it turns out that nice guys are sometimes complete pushovers. He just stood there while his Mom yelled at me last year; it took hours of explaining why he needed to tell his brothers that it wasn't okay to 'jokingly' call me a b*tch; he won't talk to his (awesome) boss about getting a raise even though he hasn't had one in 3 years and we REALLY need the money; the list goes on.</p>
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<p>I am, admittedly, a strong person, I have opinions on things; but I have reasons for them, I'm not just someone who spouts off about things I have no clue about. I can also be emotional; although I'm much better about it than I used to be.</p>
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<p>I am also really spiritual, and DH is not at all, which has always bothered me. It doesn't matter what kind of spirituality we're talking about, he thinks it's silly.</p>
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<p>Also, he never told me (until a WEEK ago) he literally almost FAINTS at the sight of blood, which I know now is probably one of the big reasons he couldn't support me during our attempted home birth. I ended up in the hospital for no reason other than feeling unsupported and scared - he wasn't able to help me calm down - didn't even try. I'm feeling so sad about that right now...</p>
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<p>We got pregnant with DD really soon after we started dating, and I know that has a lot to do with why we're still together. On the other hand, everyone says he's totally in love with me and he's amazing for me.</p>
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<p>He does all kinds of amazing things around our place (building a chicken coop, etc.) - plus he cleans the house, and is great with our kids. I just don't feel that 'connection' with him, and I'm wondering if I ever did, or if I just thought I did and then we got pregnant so fast I didn't really have a chance to think about it anymore. Plus, I've never had a healthy relationship modeled to me, so I don't think I know what it really means to be in one.</p>
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<p>Ugh. I hate this so much.</p>
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<p>Have you considered couples' therapy so you can learn to communicate with one another on a deeper, clearer level that works for both of you? </p>
 

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<p>You could be mismatched, or you could need to work on your connection, but I think both of those start with learning how to communicate with each other instead of assuming you know what they are thinking.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>lynsage</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1284079/am-i-hard-to-please-or-in-the-wrong-relationsip#post_16099558"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Have you considered couples' therapy so you can learn to communicate with one another on a deeper, clearer level that works for both of you? </p>
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<br><br><p><span><img alt="yeahthat.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/yeahthat.gif">  Our marriage has had its ups and downs.  As soon as we sense that we've lost 'that connection', we immediately go into fix-it mode.  If we can't get things back on track in a few weeks, we head to couple's counseling.  It has been such a neat experience to learn how my spouse processes thoughts and emotions.  Some things that have caused bumps for us: chronic illness, work stuff, depression, in-law stuff, moving, friends-with-issues, and financial stress.  For us, our marriage comes before EVERYTHING else.  It's our little garden that has to be tended with loving care!  </span></p>
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<p>Do you want your marriage to work, or do you feel somewhat apathetic?  Either way, a professional can help both of you sort out your feelings.</p>
 

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<p>Communication is a big big big issue in many marriages....and BOTH have to work on it.  I also understand about not having a good healthy relationship modeled for me and assuming what's normal and what isn't.  I think therapy would be really really beneficial for BOTH of you but men...seem to have a harder time with it.  I understand completely about him not sticking up for you....I've had that in my life before.  It was a lack of respect and empathy on his end...</p>
 

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<p>Your examples strike me as some of both (wrt your thread title). I think that he was probably embarrassed to say that blood makes him faint, and so he just kept it to himself. I don't know that people who feel that way can "un-feel" it, though, so I think there's probably not a lot that he could have done there even if he'd told you.</p>
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<p>It's not his job to defend you against your mother unless you're in a compromised state - sick or already emotionally fragile.</p>
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<p>As for his brothers, yes he should have defended you then. </p>
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<p>The raise issue depends on his job, how stable it is, etc. I know lots of people are afraid that asking for a raise will mean they could get fired or that they'll be seen as a troublemaker. Without knowing his job dynamic, it's hard to say, though maybe if you coached him on what to say that would help. Maybe he just doesn't know how to ask.</p>
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<p>In general, though, I get what you're saying. I'm far more assertive than my husband, and sometimes I feel like I'm jumping up and down about something, and he's serenely sitting there watching me.</p>
 
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