[islandmama1]

My daughter is nearly two and still nurses and co-sleeps with me. Lately it is taking me up to 4 hours to get her to sleep. I nurse her till she's had her fill, and since she isn't asleep, I rock and sing to her until she asks to nurse again. We can repeat this 3 or 4 times. Sometimes she falls asleep, but as soon as I try to lay her down or slip away, she wakes up and starts crying. Then she grabs my hand and stuffs it under her chest, or throws her leg over me which makes it even harder to slip away. I feel like I'm making her insecure, because every time she wakes up, I'm going away. At the same time, I have things I have to do when she's sleeping. After an hour and a half I start feeling really exasperated and squirrelly with lying there, and sometimes it's hard to be patient. Sometimes I snap at her to just go to sleep, and then I feel so guilty. It all seems to be having the opposite effect that co-sleeping and attachment parenting are supposed to have. Any suggestions? Thanks.

 

[mommy2abigail]

We've gone through the same thing as of late. Here's what I did. I tell her to tell me when she's ready to go to bed. This may mean that she will stay up a tad later than I want, especially in the beginning, but the trade off is well worth it. WHen she tells me she's ready, we lay down, nurse, and I offer to snuggle her or she can lay in her bed (side car with ours) The thing is, she needs to be laying down, relatively still and quiet. If she isn't, I tell her it doesn't look like she is ready, and to call me when she is. I get up and leave, she is free to follow (she always does) or stay in bed (never!) She usually gets upset, although I dont know why, since it is said in the most neutral tone, and I tell her she can follow me, whatever. If we get up, I make sure I get busy doing something boring (like computer stuff) lights are dim, no tv, ect. It needs to be really boring. She will usually tell me she's ready 30 seconds later. We try again, although because of horomones I dont usually nurse again, it hurts.

 

[MrsTC]

Have you tried wearing her out more during the day so she's really and truly pooped and falls more deeply asleep faster? Ds does that stuff to me when he's not really that tired. It's so frustrating, isn't it?!!

The boring stuff pp mentioned works, too, when he's seen that he's not missing out on anything fun when I slip away.

 

[Jane Plane]

I think sneaking away is just a bad practice to be in - I'm not surprised she's resisting going to sleep.

My suggestion would be to either resign yourself to going to bed when she does, or work on getting up and leaving with her still awake, like mommy2abigail describes.

 

[Valian]

A few thoughts.

Taking that long to fall asleep says she may be tired but not sleepy and needs help winding down (something other than nursing).

What is bedtime? She may be overtired because you're starting too late.

More sunlight and exercise may help a lot.

How about 2yo molars coming in and making it harder to relax?

I don't think there's anything wrong with leaving your Dd while she's sleeping. Sounds like you're leaving before she's in a deep enough sleep.

 

[nhplantlady]

Just now had to be firm with mine. Kept her up later than usual and she's been sick so not herself. She kept insisting that I be with her so she could hold my hair. Every time I left she cried which made her throat hoarse so finally I told her she could not cry as it would hurt her more and she did not and is now asleep.

We had a similar problem on the other end of the night. Kept waking up earlier and earlier to come sleep with us (4:30, 3:30AM). This was right before DS was born last November. Finally DH decided to keep her up rather than let her come into our bed. It only took 3 mornings of 4:30 am wake up to convert her back to 6am...his idea actually worked!

mommy2abigail is right - tire them out and don't let them think that they are missing out after they've gone to sleep.
BEST OF LUCK!