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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Not that I really believe that it is possible, but let me explain. I'd like to be able to have alone time with DP, but I'm not sure how to do this.<br><br>
DP and I have only left Curran, now almost 10 months, with anyone else twice. Once with a couple of my girlfriends (one of whom was lactating and was comfortable nursing him if necessary) for about 3 hours, and a second time with my mother for about 30 minutes. With my friends he was totally cool . . . even napped on one of them and was all smiles when we returned. With my mother I'm pretty sure (despite what she said) he sobbed the whole time I was away -- it took me almost 45 minutes to soothe him when I got back <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">.<br><br>
The problem? I'm just not sure that I'm comfortable leaving him at this point. The girlfriends live far away and have several children of their own. And I don't think my mother can handle him, honestly (mostly because I was a CIO baby, and also she is ill and weak and he's a heavy baby who is always in arms). He's a sensitive baby, for starters. Happy and mellow with DP and me, but fragile and often frightened with others. He naps on us or next to me in bed. Still nurses sometimes every hour. Is worn much of the day. Sooooo, from my perspective, a NORMAL baby, with NORMAL needs. From the perspective of others, a "high needs" baby. No one that I know or am friends with wears their baby, or cosleeps. Even the crunchier ones let their babies fuss a bit when falling asleep, something that I've never been willing to do. I could communicate my concerns to friends/family in preparation to leave him with them, BUT how in world do you do that without inadvertently condemning their parenting choices? KWIM?<br><br>
Do I just wait longer?<br><br>
Any advice would be nice . . . .<br><br>
TIA
 

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lol<br><br>
well i would wait, BUT my daughter is going to be 3 in july and has been away from me or dh MAYBE 6 or 7 times?<br><br>
twice with my bf of 22 years who had no children an held her the whole time and maybe 4 or 5 times with my other bf of a couple years who would wear her if need be, and who actually nursed her on demand for me.<br><br>
well the first moved to texas in april last year and the second moved to colorado october last year and dh and i have not left dd at all.<br><br>
I just say this is a very short time comparably and we get our alone time when they are asleep.<br><br>
we choose not to attend any adult only functions as well. if we all cant go, none of us go.<br><br>
it works for us.<br><br>
hth<br><br>
you are not alone <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
btw, my therapist said its unhealthy lol
 

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My son is 7 months old and I have not been away from him _once_. Neither will I in the near future. I am simply not comfortable with it.<br><br>
One of my good friends has two children, with her first, her son, she didn't leave him alone or have anybody babysit him until he was 1.5 years old.<br><br>
I do not think you're over-protective. At this point, I do not feel that anybody (except maybe my hubby if he had boobies) would have "it" to properly take care of my son. And I do not think there's anything wrong with that at all.
 

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I've only been away from my (almost) 3 year old a few times where my mom stayed with him while he was asleep and DH and I went to dinner, and once to a night wedding. He did OK with her but if you aren't comfotable, then don't do it. I'm not comfortable leaving him when he is awake with anyone.
 

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I have a hard time leaving mine while they are still bfing. But, Ours have both been really good sleepers, down for the night around 8. So, the 1 time I have left my ds 10mo with anyone but daddy was after he had gone to bed. He is very slow to warm up to people, even my mom, who he sees at least once a week.<br><br>
I don't know how that would work with co-sleeping...
 

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I only ever leave my 9 month old with people that he knows and is comfortable with. Namely, my mom and my sister. I would never leave him with someone with whom he wasn't happy, no matter who they were. And, I've only left him 3 times. So, the trick is to get alone time when the baby is asleep at night or just integrate the baby into your together time. My DH and I go on a long walk evey evening and it gives us time to talk and ds usually naps in the carrier. Other than that, spend more time with people you trust who are local and eventually he may bond with someone enough that you could catch a movie with your DH.
 

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On one hand i would say WAIT. you know what is best ond what you feel comfortable with.<br><br>
on the otherhand- that relationship with DP is so improtant and so easy to let slide when someone else meeds you so much.<br><br>
ours was very high needs, she is getting SO much better. (i think from all of the things we did in the begining that she needed) We would make dates on the porch while she slept for 40 min.<br><br>
anyway i guess i am saying i feel you, hand in there, and it gets soo much better.
 

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My son is almost 1 and I am still not ready to be away from him other than a quick trip to the store or something.
 

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You are not being over-protective...you are being a great momma! It is normal and healthy, for both you and your LO, to want to be together. Babies are designed to be with their parents! Like others have mentioned, your LO is only a LO for a short time...enjoy it! Before long, he will be up and running. I am not comfortable with leaving my LO...and she is almost 12 months old. Just today, I left her with my sister for about 40 minutes to get my hair cut...I couldn't wait to get back to my little peanut!!! Fortunately, she is always glad to spend time with her auntie. Most importantly, her auntie understands how we parent our LO. I feel comfortable leaving my LO with my dad or sister (today was the fourth time <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">) because they understand how DH and I parent our LO...they care for her in the same manner. My in-laws, on the other hand, do not. Despite DH and me talking with them about our beliefs they continue to question why we do what we do and then wonder why we don't have LO visit them (without us) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh">.
 

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I feel the same way. My ds is 10 months today and I am not ready to leave him with anyone. The idea of him crying and wondering where I am is not an option for me, it just isn't. I would not have any fun not being with him anyway, i'd just be worried. I've only been away from him for 30 min here and there to run to the coffee store/go upstairs at my work (preschool) etc.<br><br>
I also do not let my ds fuss or anything at night. I am "on" 100% of the time (or my dd is if i'm in the shower or whatever. Everyone is different, but for us, DS comes first.
 

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I am fine with leaving my DS with my parents - but then they were there for his homebirth, and were APing before AP was a thing to do. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
My closest local gf begs to babysit him, but I have yet to allow it. She's great, but we are very different parents. I use BFing as my excuse to say "maybe later".<br><br>
You're not overprotective!
 

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DH and i have left DD once w/ close friends and their kids for an hour to go to dinner around the corner. these are friends she is with atleast 2 days a week, usually more, so she's comfy w/ them. she was 16 months.<br><br>
when DH has been at work or out of town, i've left DD for up to an hr w/ my mom or grandma, starting at about 7 months.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Thanks, ladies!<br><br>
Have you ever had to talk to those you've left your LOs with beforehand? Along the lines of "We aren't comfortable with Curran being needlessly upset. Please do everything possible to keep him feeling at peace, and if he is still upset after 10 minutes or so, please call us" . . . .<br><br>
Or would you simply not leave the babe unless you thought the person would parent them exactly as you would?<br><br>
KWIM?
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>kristen1978</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11564407"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks, ladies!<br><br>
Have you ever had to talk to those you've left your LOs with beforehand? Along the lines of "We aren't comfortable with Curran being needlessly upset. Please do everything possible to keep him feeling at peace, and if he is still upset after 10 minutes or so, please call us" . . . .<br><br>
Or would you simply not leave the babe unless you thought the person would parent them exactly as you would?<br><br>
KWIM?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I won't leave my kids unless I'm 100% comfortable with how they will be treated by the person I'm leaving them with. Does that mean that they have to do everything exactly as I would? No. But I have to be comfortable with how they will do things.<br><br>
Also, for that reason, I'm not really comfortable leaving my kids until they are verbal enough to express their wishes to some extent.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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My son is just over a year old and we have never left him with anyone. And I, in fact, have never left him (he spends lots of time with DH when he is home but I am always in the house). I wear him for several hours a day since he only will nap when worn and pretty much only nurses when worn. He still nurses at least once an hour or more and is not interested in solids at all so I do not feel comfortable leaving him for even a short time. We've co-slept from day one.<br><br>
I don't know when I will feel comfortable leaving him. Maybe, as a PP said, once he is verbal and can express himself.<br><br>
I don't feel bad about it. He's a baby and will only be this little once. It will fly by. DH and I have very little time to ourselves (DS will not sleep long unless I am right next to him) but we really feel it is okay. We'll have plenty of time alone together in the future. Right now, our DS needs us to make him the priority.
 

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No one will parent exactly like you do. I'd say leave him with those that you are comfy with, but don't try to control every little bit. Let them know you don't like CIO, and find out if they have a prob with that.<br><br>
But kids are resilient - a few times with a caregiver that is less attentive to the "high needs" won't do much damage. The LO will just clearly prefer to be with you.<br><br>
The thing that keeps me from letting my gf (and aunt) look after my child is the food issue. I don't think they'd follow my rules. The gf keeps asking if I've given my 7mo old a pickle yet (that was her kid's 1st solid, given to him on the sly by her crazy friend at 4 mos). I am not willing to risk major upset gut or allergy, so they are out until he's older.<br><br>
And yes - the baby time goes by so fast. If I did not have to work FT, I wouldn't part from my son nearly as much.
 

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I generally don't leave my kids when someone else is required to get them to sleep. When I do leave the little ones it's with their older sisters who are quite gentle with them and will lay with them until they snooze.<br><br>
Babysitters who come in after kids are asleep always worked best for me. But my kids were older. 2 or so.
 

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We never leave our kids with a sitter. We make Friday night "date night" in our living room. After the kids are all in bed, dh gets takeout. We have a drink, talk, watch TV or a movie or play a game. I've had rude comments from family members about how dh and I "need" time away from our kids, but we don't feel that way at all. What is right <i>for us</i> is to do everything as a family or don't do it. It works for us.
 

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damselfly, I think that's a great idea about Friday nights!<br><br>
I've left my baby (almost 9m) with a babysitter once when she was 6m for about an hour so dh and I could go out to dinner, and with my mom a few times so we can go out. Also, every Saturday morning I have rehearsal for "Birth" and I'm gone for about 3-4h but she is with dh (along with our 3 older kids).<br><br>
She's also been in the YMCA childwatch a few times for an hour, so I can go to water aerobics.<br><br>
I would not be sane if I felt I *couldn't* leave my children for an hour or two, here or there. I might want to stay with them all the time, but at least I need to know there's an option and I'm not chained to them.<br><br>
ETA: I was much more protective with my first two kids. Now I'm on #4 and I've mellowed considerably.
 
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