Am I overreacting, because this bothers me...

You are definatly not over reacting. Your sister was wrong to suggest u just forget your child. Even tho he is not here with u physically he is always with u. To try to forget him would be wrong. I dont know your sister but i would hope she didnt mean it to sound the way it did. You do what you have to do to feel close to your son and if that bothers her then that is her problem.

Well, as much as I love her, she has a habit of just saying things and not realizing how harsh they sound. She was heartbroken when I lost Liam, because we were pregnant together and she had just had 'Bella when I lost Liam. She came to see him in the hospital and came to the funeral. But within a few months, she was just kinda 'over it'. We were once having a discussion about going to church because I had stopped by on a Sunday morning and she was screaming at her kids to get ready to go and it was all so frantic and awful and the next day I just had to ask why she put herself through that on days like those where everything was obviously going wrong and she said that she feels like she has to go to church every single Sunday or God will let really bad things happen to her. "But," I said "how often do 'really bad' things actually happen to people?" and she looked at me and said "I don't know -- I would call Liam dying a REALLY bad thing..." because, of course, I don't go to church every month, let alone every Sunday. It totally blew my mind that she would say such a thing...like maybe if I put forth the effort to get to church more often, my son would still be here. That really hurt.

Wow. She's got some issues.

I DO go to church every Sunday, but not so "bad things won't happen to me." That's just stupid. I go because I want to worship and honor God, and because that's where my spiritual family are (and actually, some of my physical family are there too!)

My Liam died last January. I have pictures of him up on my walls, including a gorgeous oil painting of him in a grouping of paintings of my other 4 children. I can't imagine EVER taking those down.

Wouldn't it be great to just be able to "not be sad anymore" and have life go on like nothing ever happened? No. Not really. My life has changed in many ways since my son died. Some ways hurt like crazy, some ways I know I am a better more caring person than I was before. Not that I was a mean nasty person, but I have more understanding in my heart of what it feels like to mourn and grieve. I can relate to people who are hurting because I feel pain in my heart too. I wouldn't want to just go on with my life like my precious baby boy never lived, never kicked and danced inside me, never lay in my arms so peaceful and beautiful.

I'm sorry your sister is so clueless. I hope she never has to find out what it's like to feel this pain and loss.

Kathryn

I'm sorry Dawn, you and your sister are close why?
I dont know the dynamics of your relationship but it sounds a little one sided.
Your sister should understand suffering grief and loss its not like paying taxes when you have a deadline and you pay them and its overwith.
there is no time limit on grief and everyone is defferent you take your time. Besides having pictures of little Liam its not a bad thing or even nessisarily a greiving thing. Liam is just as much a part of your life as you darling lc he will always be part of your life you are his mother and you will always be his mother. Death doesn't change that. You never hear people say "he was my husband but he's gone now" or "he was my son but he died"
Ask your sister if she would like it if you asked her to stop talking about her children or not to see them. She may not talk to you for a while but I'm sure she will get the hint. It might do you some good for her to not be around for a while anyway it sounds like she really isn't helping you with the loss of sweet little Liam.
I'm sorry if this sounds a little harsh but I have been dealing with a similar sutuation with my brother and his girlfriend and I have no tolerance to this.
And the church thing I see tons of rotten mothers and parents with a whole hurd of little ones running around and nothing like this ever happens to them so going to church has nothing to do with Liam being returned to god.

Sending my love be good to yourself mama.

Brandi

(heavy sarcasm here)

of course YOU should take down the photos (etc) of YOUR son because SHE doesn't want to be sad anymore. cause we all know it's about how SHE feels. and you shouldn't upset her or remind her about death or anything bad or even about how enduring a mother's love could be.



i guess if i were you i might just say right to her "if one of your children died (deity of your choice forbid of course), how would you YOU feel if i told you at some point you should just forget him/her, never metnion him/her and take down any reminders you might have?" and then i might just list off a few of the really hurtful things she has said to you and then said, "you really should be more careful about what you say to people, because you REALLY can be hurtful sometimes." and then walk away and let her simmer with it for a whie.

a good time to do this might be after ignoring her a for a while until she finally asks you why you haven't called her, etc. becuase then you'll have her attention.

Everyone above took the words right outta my mouth! Gee, it's too bad that your deceased son has brought your sis down so much. Poor her. And it's also nice that she thinks she can just turn off her sadness like a faucet. YOU have to live with that loss every day, NOT her. She has NO CLUE what a child dying does to a person, and it sounds like she doesn't want to know.

I do not attend church, but I know plenty of people who do, and bad things happen to them, also. Sh*t happens. Period. If someone even suggested to me that if I'd gone to church I could have avoided my son dying, I would probably be facing assault charges right now. Seriously. Sorry, but your sis sounds like a COMPLETE ASS, no offense .

i don't want to seem harsh but this attitude of bad things happen to bed people really does bother me. maybe you should give your sister a copy of the book "night."

in there she can read about all the gentle, pious, dutiful, innocent, loving, and with-every-fiber-of-their-being god-loving people who were murdered by the millions and shoved into ovens during the holocaust.

i can relate to feeling lonely i have exactly 2 friends where i live, but it's good to be true to yourself in your choice of friends.

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yeah - i would have said something pretty harsh if someone said something like that to me. I would say Liam was a part of our family and still is a part in our memories and if you don't like that you are not welcome here!

That's a pretty nasty thing for her to say.

I'm sitting here cuddling with my 2 year old daughter, whose twin I lost when I was pregnant with them. Noone, but NO ONE ever wants me to even mention the lost twin. Even my dh, who is a terrific guy, can't deal with the talking about it -- the attitude is, 'you got one healthy baby out of it, what's the big deal?' :

The only person who ever can talk about it with me is my SIL, who unfortunately lost twin girls at 27 weeks (one born still, the other passed after a few hours, due to placental insufficiency and twin-to-twin-transfusion syndrome).

But it IS a big deal, no matter how much time as passed. Those spirits live in our hearts forever, and there is always a bit of an ache there.

: mama.