Mothering Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Please tell me no.


Here is the thing. So far I have had an unassisted pregnancy, for various reasons. Mostly due to the fact that when I found out I was pregnant we were in the process of a major move. Right after that was completed we went overseas (back to the US) for three months. Now here I am back in Australia and 26 weeks pregnant and I still haven't seen anyone...now my reason for holding off is that we're likely not even staying in this city (temporarily with my husband's family until my husband gets a new job...) so, while I know there is a midwife here I could go to I don't see the point if in a few weeks I've moved a couple hours away. From what I can tell it is not that easy to find midwives in this area, either. (Oh yes, I had a homebirth with my first son and want the same for this baby.)

On one hand I am a bit stressed by it...but on the other hand I feel like I only stress because I feel like I should be. Like, it's the responsible thing to do to fret until I finalize a care provider. Does that even make sense!? Because on the other hand...deep down...I LOVE that I haven't seen a midwife or doctor. In some odd way I am almost dreading getting settled and finding someone to take me on because that will be the end of this time of pregnancy where it is just me and my baby. It has been so...nice. The actual pregnancy has been completely stress free, it's just outside things like finding work and homes and midwives that are a bit annoying.

Even though last time my pregnancy was fairly intervention free (blood pressure checks, heartbeat listening and feeling my belly and talking was about all my midwife did for me. I had no ultrasounds, no blood tests.) I am pleasantly amazed at how at peace I am and bonded with this baby despite never having heard his/her heartbeat, even. It's so funny because last time I LIVED to hear that heartbeat and this time I think, "Why do I need to hear the heartbeat? He's moving all over the place so there is definitely a working heart!" And I just don't want that to end and am afraid that the minute I "hire" someone that's what will happen, even if only in small ways. Checking in with someone means I'm not in charge anymore. Having a test, even a blood pressure test, means there is the chance of "failing". I know that might not sound logical but that's what I'm feeling right now. Am I crazy?
:

All this to say...I think I want an unassisted birth. But I also know I couldn't do it without my husband being all for it and he isn't there yet. At the same time I want support...and that would mean hiring someone. Having another midwife assisted homebirth, which I'm okay with, too. SO basically I'm just up in the air and wondering if anyone else is still up in the air about birth choices this far along.
Talk to me!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
640 Posts
I'm not in the same situation as we are using a midwife but I just wanted to let you know that I can imagine how nice it must be to have a stress-free pregnancy so far! And I can imagine how you must feel giving up the "me and baby only" part of the pregnancy. It sounds to me like you're okay with doing an unassisted birth and if that's the case, then go for it! (Bravo and cheers to you b/c I don't think I could do that!) I do think its important to have your husband behind you though so maybe its time for you two to sit down and have a good talk about it. You might be surprised by how he feels or it might be enlightening to know what his concerns might be. Either way, I know you'll make the right decision for the both of you, even if it doesn't happen for another few weeks!

Good luck with your decision...sorry I can't be much help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,655 Posts
I think you may be projecting the stress of all the upheavel in your life on not having any maternity care because that's something you could possibly take action on right now. It's hard living in limbo. Personally, I think you sound find with the level of maternity care you are getting and that you are analyzing it simply because it's available and easy to analyze when your stress is actually being caused by other things. I don't know if that make sense..
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
162 Posts
I think you sound really comfortable and happy with the level of care you have received so far, and that is a good thing!

I am not in the same boat as you, but similar -- we have met with our midwife three times so far, no blood tests, no U/S, no doppler, etc. Our midwife is SO LAID BACK and truly follows an informed consent model, so it is the level of involvement I was looking for (we considered unassisted this time around but DH is not there at all). I really feel like I have room to listen to myself about the baby.

So, I say continue on the path that feels right to you -- it might be unassisted or since you know you're comfortable with a truly hands-off midwife, it might be easier trying to find one once you start looking.

BTW, have you seen this Web site? http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
160 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for listening and understanding, I really appreciate that.
And pageta, thanks for analyzing me.
No really, you made perfect sense and I agree that that is exactly what I am doing.

My husband and I talked about unassisted birth and he's really not keen on the idea...but yes, if we can find a truly laid back midwife like you mentioned, mama_o, I know both my husband and I will be really happy. I'm just a little nervous that it will come down to having an unassisted birth or a hospital birth
if we can't find a midwife...and at this point I know my husband would want hospital!

Anyway, thanks for letting me get that out. I needed that.
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top