[oceanbaby]

I feel so sad for boys these days - it seems like everything I read, and everyone I talk to, is all about having a girl. Hoping for a girl, being disappointed if it's a boy, etc. etc. People with boys want a girl next, but I never hear of anyone with a girl who wants a boy next.

I didn't really have a strong preference when I was pregnant, but have always thought it would be neat to have an older brother, so thought it would cool to have a boy first. I adore my son so much it hurts. We are TTC, and everyone keeps telling us how much we must want a girl. It really hurts my feelings - like somehow ds wasn't good enough, and we won't really be happy until we have a girl. SIL has a girl, and keeps saying that they want to have another baby, but they only want another girl. I try not to find it insulting, but I do.

Am I the only one who has noticed this? Or am I just being overly sensitive?

 

[Piglet68]

I think you're a bit sensitive.

Seriously though, I think it depends on which side you're on. We just had a thread (that I moved to Parents as Partners) about how sons are supposedly better for a marriage b/c men want sons. Culturally, many people prefer sons over daughters.

I think many mothers initially want daughters b/c they are girls themselves. Also, girls are fun to dress up!

For me, when I was PG I actually thought I was going to have a boy. I didn't care either way, but that's what I was expecting. When I imagined holding my baby, nursing my baby, it was always a boy. When we found out we were having a girl, I was a bit diappointed for a few moments. It took time for me to wrap my mind around a girl. I have a theory as to why:

I think having a baby is alot like falling in love, and I could only visualize feeling that way with a male. Not that it was anything sexual, of course, but just feeling that lovey-doveyness was something I could more easily picture with a boy. Because I had not yet experienced motherhood, that was as far as I could relate to the concept.

But as time went on I got excited about my girl, and now I am so happy I have a girl!!! It's like a future little buddy, y'know?

And we get told that of course we must be hoping to have a boy next time. Honestly, I think we're in a win-win situation. I would love to have a boy, but another girl would make me very happy too!

 

[OdessaEarthenMama]

I also wanted a boy, We had our 3rd daughter in July, and she is 20 mos younger than my 2nd son, so I thought if I had a boy, they could be playmates. My 5 & 3 year old daughters are great playmates. I just have a fear now that my 2 youngest will be getting left out since they are the opposite sex. My neighbor lady just had a boy at the end of August, other than that I don't know of anyone here in my area with a boy around 2 or a new baby girl.

 

[The Lucky One]

I think it depends on who you are talking to.

Honestly, I would say that the majority of women would prefer to have a girl first, but I would also venture that most men would prefer a boy. Key word here---most.

I think there are alot of factors that influence why a person might desire a certain gendered child over another.

In my own case, I grew up surrounded by girls. I had a sister, all girl cousins, all girl neighbors and most of my girl friends didn't have any brothers.

When I was pg and found out it was a boy, I was panicked. I didn't know a thing about boys. I was afraid I wouldn't know how to treat him. Of course that was all needless worry, because once he came everything fell perfectly into place.

I am now pg again and I am getting the same thing you are about how I bet I wish this one is a girl. I try not to let it bother me. I think most people think that the 'perfect' family is two children-one of each gender and that's why they say what they say. It isn't anything personal and I certainly don't think they say it because they think ds isn't good enough.

Try to let those comments roll off your back. They aren't worth getting upset over. I don't think most people mean anything by them.

lisa

 

[Arduinna]

I really really wanted a boy. I have no brothers and had always wanted one growing up, so figured a boy would be great. I wanted it so much I didn't buy any girl baby clothes. I had a girl and I'm so thrilled. I agree that you just fall in love with the child. We didn't find out until the birth that she was a girl, so it was a surprise for me.

 

[puppytails]

I always knew I'd have all boys. My mom reminded me of that when I first got pregnant by sending me a cool note and a little tine pair of "baby boy" soft shoes!

 

[mamabeard]

this might sound strange, but..

when i was a kid i always wanted a little brother.. i always had an image in mind of what he was like, and mourned the fact that i didn't (i was an only child). when i was 18 my mom told me she'd had an abortion when i was 7. i felt that that was my brother.. anyway, when i was pregnant, i knew i was having a boy, and i wanted a boy. i didn't consciously realize at the time, tho i did sense his personality, but now (he's 3 and a half) he is very much like the little brother i wanted growing up, in personality and appearance. my second pregnancy i did want a girl preferrably (mostly cuz i didn't think i'd be having any more kids and wanted one of each), but now that he's here and he's a boy, i couldn't imagine anything being different. he's perfect!

 

[plum]

i had wanted a boy. i grew up with younger sisters but i don't remember when they were babies. then my mom adopted my brother and i loved taking care of him (i was twelve). any other babies i babysat for were boys, so i only had experience with boys and was intimidated by the idea of a girl baby. and, this might sound weird, but i don't get along with girls very well. i have only one close female friend besides my sisters, the rest of my friends are males. we have three boy cats and one girl.

i was sure it was a boy. i didn't buy any girl clothes, mostly gender neutral and boy stuff. i had his name and everything. i dreamt he was a boy. plus, everyone i talked to thought i was having a boy. even this lady at the cat grooming place told me i was having a girl. i wanted a son so much! (dh wanted a girl).

so, you can imagine my surprise after twenty-three hours of labor and my midwife puts my baby on my chest and it was a girl. i wasn't disappointed, but it sure was a shock.

but now i wouldn't want it any other way. i love having a little girl. she's wearing all the boy stuff but i still think she looks like a girl. but for my next one, i would like a girl because i wanted my kids in pairs so hopefully they'd be close like my sisters and i were.

 

[DalaiMama]

I will admit that I was one of those who wanted a girl, so badly that after I found out we were having a boy at 20 weeks, I cried a little over the ruffly girl clothes in the store.

: By the time my due date rolled around, though, I was indredibly excited, and now that he's 1.5, I can't imagine what I would do with a girl. lol
I think that I just assumed that we would have a girl, because both my husband and I have only sisters. So, it took some time to make the shift, you know? Now we're trying for the next baby, and I definitely want another boy... heck, I'd take a whole heap of 'em.

and I still get those comments... "oh, I bet you want the next one to be a girl." So I think it works both ways.

 

[sarahmae1]

With my first, I did not care whether I had a boy or a girl... I was just so excited to be having a baby! I had a boy, and was/am soo happy and thrilled!
When we started ttc our second I really wanted another boy. Now I'm pg w/ our second, and it really doesn't matter to me whether this baby is a boy or a girl... again, I'm just so happy to be having a baby!

I will be thrilled w/ either a boy or a girl! IF I could pick I would like 2 boys, a girl, and another boy... but of course, it's not up to me!

 

[Bethkm]

When I was first PG we both really wanted a girl. When we found out it was a boy we were both so excited! Now I can't imagine having anything but boys! I feel like a "boy mom" like I know what to do with a boy and now that I have one I think he would have fun with a brother. We are not even thinking about #2 right now but I just can't imagine anything but boys at our house! We also have all nephews on both sides of our family and most of my clsoe friends with little kids have all boys too. There must be something in the water around here!

 

[Kiki Runs]

When I was pregnant, I knew it was a boy. Lucky for us, too, b/c we couldn't (still can't) agree on a girl's name. I WANTED a boy, too. I eventually want a girl, but I'd like to have two or three more boys first.

I don't know why. DH really wants a girl next, but I want more boys! Maybe if we could agree on a name for a girl, I would be more open to the idea, but I'm picky and DH is stubborn, so the perfect name hasn't hit us yet.

Plus, I've sort of convinced myself that boys are "easier", and I've pictured our family as having older brothers to "look out for" their baby sister. Not that I'd like that, myself, or think it's necessary, but for some reason that's what I've talked myself into.

I'll be happy with whatever we get, really. But I do have to admit I'm glad our first was a boy.

 

[mamawanabe]

I always assumed that more people wanted only boys than only girls. Read somewhere that men's "viril" rating goes up with sons more than with girls (like if he is only producing girls, he's not a "real" man or something).

Anyway, I am a girls girl. I always had very close relationships with women and not so close to men. I want only girls. My DP doesn't care, and so wants only girls because that is what I want.

Both my sister-in-laws and my two best friends either want only boys or would prefer only boys. I am the only one of anyone I know who wants only girls. So I guess I always thought that wanting girls was more atypical.

I know in my family, my parents gave my brother more "special" attention (respect, freedom, pride in his accomplishments, value to his opinions, even money) than they gave me and my sister. The same kind of "special" attention that our grandparenst gave my Dad and then my brother. Maybe that is also why I want only girls; I've seen two generations of boys singled out for praise and respect due in large part to their gender, and so I am rebelling against it by abjecting the idea of having a boy altogether. (I love my brother, but he really was raised like a little prince compared to me and my sister.)

 

[Liz]

I always wanted a boy. My brother is only 18 mos. older than me and we were quite close growing up. I always felt kind of maternal towards him, I think that's where it comes from. My dh wanted a girl. I think he feels more comfortable being lovey dovey with a little girl, thinks he has to be tough with boys, ya know?

Anyway, I got my boy so I'm happy and dh manages to get lovey dovey although I wish he'd do it more. If we have another I don't care what it is.

 

[sunbaby]

i have always liked boys and girls equally well, but i always imagined myself with girls. untill i got preg, and dh wanted a boy so badly, when dd was born i did have to act happy that she was a girl, but i felt a little inferior having had a girl, isnt that silly and old fashioned? i cant believe i bought into that sexist cr*p. and i even felt inferior when sil had a boy last year, and wondered if dh was a bit jealous. of cours dd is the greatest, and she and i are very close. we have this special understanding that i know is in part because we are both girls. i hope for a boy next just cause i hear how different they are and i would like to experience both.

mambeard! holy cow! i am an only child too, and have been feeling a emptiness where i wish there was a sibling for the past few years- and three years ago i found out i my dads girlfriend had an abortion when i was 7. i dont know why i am so sure that baby was a boy, all beautiful and blonde and would be 21 now. i made up a little imaginary life for him when i found out. darn.

 

[beachrock]

We have a lovely boy, the greatest little kid, and while I at first (while pg) wanted a girl, I'm totally in love with my son.

The truth is that although I originally thought I wanted a girl, I'm so delighted with ds that I now would be just as delighted with another boy, even if it means no little girl for our family. DH feels the same.

My problem is when people always say, in front of my son, "You must be really hoping for a girl now." I'm afraid he'll think we were disappointed with him (we absolutely weren't). Even my sisters say this to me with ds around.

Am I being silly?

 

[mamabeard]

see, sunbaby- i told you we should get married! then you could adopt my son, and he could be your little brother replacement too! and he is blonde and beautiful..

 

[bloodrayne]

When DH and I first got together, we wanted a boy. We even had a name picked out.
When I finally got pregnant 4.5 years later he decided he wanted a girl (he already has a girl and 'knows' what to do, so to speak). And I agreed.

But beyond the 'knowing what to do' part, we didn't really care. I oohed and ahhed over the girl clothes are they are SO much better than boy clothes. But that was honestly one of the only reasons I even cared.

I thought I would be disappointed if the baby turned out to be a boy. But I'm not. I could not be happier with my baby, he is a joy and the love of my life. I wouldn't know what to do with a girl now. I'm lucky to be his mama and I hope I can raise him well. DH was commenting tonight on how in love with me he is. He is gonna be his mama's boy.

I think if we were to have another, I wouldn't have a preference. I'd sure love a little girl to dress in those adorable clothes and name 'Evelyn', but I sure would love another boy too.

 

[Peppermint]

Funny, it seems to be the opposite in my circles, most people want boys. Dh and I have never cared, we have a daughter, then a son, and now preg. with another son. I have to say my dd had hoped for a sister, but is very happy to be getting another brother, she's happy with the first one

.

I have to second that men get "picked on" if they have only girls, when we had only dd, I heard one of dh's friends call him "cotton balls", which evidently referred to him "making a girl".

:

I always assumed I would have a boy first, the whole "older brother" thing (I have 2 older brothers), but frankly I think my dd will do a great job of protecting her siblings.

I would ignore those around you who prefer girls, assume you want one next, etc. People who care about that kind of thing are shallow IMO, so take that for what it's worth.

 

[carrots]

well we have 2 dd's and one (unknown) baby due in a few months. we never found out any of the times but i assumed for some reason that i would have a boy first because that is how my family was. several people have asked if i was disappointed with having a girl each time which is SO RUDE!!!!How can someone be disappointed in their CHILD?

Anyway when we told everyone that we were pregnant this 3rd time the most common comment was-"Oh I bet you are hoping for a boy this time".

: