Am I the only person that won't tell his mother he loves her?

I felt weird saying it to my brother, but I said it once right before he went on a trip and after that it go a lot easier. I do love him also, but I know how you feel about it being weird. Try it once. It gets a lol easier!

Jenn
sweetest lil babe girl:

My mother's Sicilian and I'm 1/2 Italian so I grew up always saying it and still do, although we live very far from one another and don't talk too much these days as we are soooo busy in life. She's helping raise a newborn grandchild in TX and we're in the Northeast with our toddler.

We're pretty affectionate people so it's not a problem. But keep trying it. It will come naturally. My father is an Okie (born and raised in farm county in Oklahoma) so he never said it until I was an adult and then it came more naturally to him. An Okie farm boy in a family of 10 doesn't have a lot of voice, especially in the 1920's, 1930's growing up. I think I used to freak him out saying it when I was an adolescent...but he's cool now.

I've only been able to say it to my immediate family and really mean it. Me and my mom say it every time we talk on the phone (almost daily, or multiple times a day due to me not working ) and my stepfather and I haven't really had a parent/child relationship/friendship so it's strange for me to say it to him or even HEAR it from him.

As for my brother...we have our understanding, which means it's not necessary to say it whenever we talk...but when one of us is going away for a while we definately say it to each other just to make sure than rememberance is still there.

My husband is the complete opposite though, but I think that as weird as my family and I are, him and his family were horrible towards each other in his younger years. I can actually tell that he never really fully learned the idea of compassion and empathy toward others, as it shows in his life every time we are around other people or talking about them.

Also, his mother has hidden a lot of things from him that he has had to hear from other members of his family, as well as her not taking care of him when his grandmother tried to take his life with her car, so it's very...I want to say hostile...on his end. He doesn't believe that his mother deserves for him to love her unconditionally, because even as much as I know of their history, she never gave him that unconditional love that a parent usually gives. Now...as for his step-father, they have the sort of understanding that I and my brother have...but that's another story.

I don't say it, not to anyone but my husband and son. And only if nobody else is in hearing range. I think part of htis is that my mom is the kind of person who has always tried to, like, force that kind of thing from people. So in your face about how she will always be ther eto listen or whatever that it turns her into the last person on earth anyone would want to share their feelings with. Kwim? I stopped saying it when I was a kid, maybe around 10 or so? I didn't like feeling obligated about it, so I just wouldn't do it. Now it's this big awkward thing between us htat she soemtimes mentions, ie: will you *ever* say hte words to me, sob sob drama. And of course no matter how close I may have been getting ot getting over this thing about the L-word with family that sets me back to square one. Who is she to tell me waht to say and feel and how to express my emotions? And if it's coerced what could it possibly mean anyway?

Blech :

i agree with moonshine here. saying it all the time trivialises it. i v. rarely say it to my daughter and mostly to reciprocate. when xh and i were together and we both craved physical touch not having grown up with it we would use if v. often with each other because we needed it - not just the words, but simple touches, a flick here and there.

well i kinda guess it also depends on the kind of relationship and what u have grown up with. my family was not a v. physical one. we were just the opposite to ur mom. i dont think i have ever said i love u to my dad ever. not once in my life (dont remember kid memories). neither did he. and we didnt need to. we were kindred spirits who understood each other. and we believed in action rather than words. i never craved the words, but craved hugs.

now my mom ever since my dad died says i love u on the phone once in a while. never having heard that it felt strange. and i never reciprocated. then one day my mom began this huge emotional argument about me not saying i love her (still upset over my dad's death). i first said it, and i went over our relationship and asked did she really need those words to know how i felt. we discussed it v. openly and found we didnt need to say those words. we agreed words are so easy to say but actions are what really proves things. but yes hearing her say i love u i could not repeat it to her and felt strange that i did not.