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Am I too old?

812 Views 10 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  PrettyBird
I'm going to be 43 soon. I have always wanted to have a large family, but the courtship with my dh being almost 4 years long & infertility testing, etc of 6+ years and saving/remortgaging to afford our 2 adoptions, each child that we have is God's perfect timing...eventually, we were blessed again, by being able to adopt our first foster child after a year & a half. So, we have 3 wonderful children and we continue to do foster care; however, I would love to adopt another child. We are on a short break with fostering presently as the emotional loss we feel each time a child leaves is so heart-wrenching (particularly little foster child #5 who we had for 9 months who went back to her mom but is involved with a questionable/safe guy). My dh says we're getting old for adopting, but my heart says no, we're not, but then I look at all the grey hair and peers who are shopping with their grandchildren!! My dh is very sweet and supportive, though. He has said that with our ages and tight finances, he would be willing to adopt another child; however, foster care would have to end. Fostering helps many children; however, having another child to raise as your own is wonderful, too. Does anybody else have a similar situation? How do you know what age to say this will be my last child?
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I don't have much to add, other than I think it all depends. I grew up being raised by very young parents and I always had a bias against older parents.
But now I find myself about to place my daughter (due in August) with a mom who is 45 (that's older than my own mother is!) and her husband is 38. I don't consider them too old at all. If I did, I would have never chosen them as parents for my daughter. I hope others can give you more insight, good luck.
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I am only 31, so I can't speak to how old is too old, but I can say that there are hundreds of thousands of children in Ethiopia who need families, and you are not too old to adopt there!

I feel like, if you still want more kids, you're not too old!

Nope you are NOT too old. There is a great yahoo email group where you have to be at least 40 to join. And there are many adoptive parents that are much older than 40 on there. The group name is GAARP - check it out. It's a great group and there are people who adopted Internationally and Domestically.

We are doing private adoption (I'm 40, dh is 43) and we thought we might have a tough time having potential birthmom's interested in us (that's what some of the agencies/attorneys told us) but we haven't at all. Actually I think we get more contacts than many others. You just never know.

I don't know what age we will be done. We thought we were done when we were in our late 20's but we grow and things change and we weren't done. As you know, adoption can be a tough road. I think you know when you are done...when you do. I stopped worrying about having to know when we are finished raising babies. I figure one day we will know.
Our daughter was born when I was just shy of 40 and my partner was 46. We come from long-lived families, and take good care of our health, so no, I don't think we are too old. I have met plenty of adoptive parents in their early to mid 40's.
Thank you Clothcrazymama for the yahoo group info. I signed up for it. It's encouraging to see other moms in similar situations.
I would think that your age would be an asset: You're probably secure financially and emotionally. Plus, you've already demonstrated that you're a good adoptive/foster parent. And absent any serious health issues, I don't see why you would be too old.
As the pp said...your age is a plus! I am just completing an adoption study for a couple who are mid 40's and early 50's, a friend of mine is pregnant with her first at 43 (husband is 5 or so years older). And I'm hoping to adopt- we are 6 months into our first placement so who knows how old I'll be when finally adopt! I know I'm older than the average parent of an infant, but I think I'm a much better parent due to my age.
I was 42 when we adopted our second child. I'm actually surprised when I go to kindergarten events with other parents to see how many people are my aged.
Not to old at all.
We just finalized our babys adoption, 4 days after my 44th birthday and there may be more to come.
I don't have any experience with adoption, but I don't think you're too old at all! DH and I want to adopt when we are older (and more financially secure) too.
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