Amicable relationships

I think if you are both comfortable with the way things are it is probably fine. If one or both of you feel like you're holding back because of it, you may want to set some new boundaries.

After I moved, my ex and I got along well and continued to rely on each other and do things for each other for about a year. Then my ex started dating someone and she wasn't comfortable with the situation, so he stopped.

In some ways it sucked, because it was truly nice to have his help from time to time and also nice for the kids to have us all be able to go places together, eat meals together, etc. But in many ways it was good for us to seek friendship from others and move forward with our lives. We needed a break from our relationship to be able to form new boundaries.

Things are difficult now because his girlfriend is insanely jealous and she can't even handle us talking on the phone about the kids.....but we get along well enough that if they were to break up, we could probably do more, but be less involved in each other's lives and it would be healthier than it's ever been. Does that make sense?

It is easier to move forward without feeling that strong connection, but if you aren't looking to move forward, maybe that strong connection will work for you.

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It's okay to be or sound flaky -- and maybe the two of you will reunite one day. By the time I moved my ex and I were both clear that we were finished with the relationship and that made it much easier to move on just being kind to one another (and it wasn't always that nice either).

If you'd both be jealous -- maybe that's a sign that you both have things to resolve for yourselves and your relationship.

Keep your options open and if the relationship is working the way it is there's no reason to change it. If you're feeling strange about it all then maybe you would want to look at setting new boundaries.

There are no "rules" to be separated, divorced or whatever. Just do whatever works best for your family.

Purplebean, I wish i had the answer for you.

I haven't had to deal with hardcore jealousy yet bc STBX and i are so friendly , its like the old relationship, sans sex, which i don't know if it is good or bad, i will say that bf we seperated, i was very jealous of a woman friend of his (she's still his friend).

I was so bent (i saw some things he had written about her and it was clear that he was attracted to her) that i went out on a bridge over the river in our area and flung my rings over the edge, i went to the other side of the bridge and sat reflecting on myself as a single woman, strong and powerfull.

i then proceeded back across the bridge...so it was a ritual for me , which really helps ...In case you're wondering, the rings weren't top $$ ~and~ it was crazy of me to do so (in a way) ...it made me feel more autonomous though.

Blessings
~K~

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Time helps. It sounds like everything is fresh and new for you, so give yourself some time to process everything & see what emotions you really do feel.

I have no specific help. I do know that for me, it was like a light switch went off and I suddenly saw my ex for who he truly was and I really had no feelings towards him at all. I didn't feel love or hate or anything.......just done. It took me about 10 months after he left to feel that way though and I don't really know how it worked, I just know that one day I seemed to see him for who he truly is and that was enough for me to realize I was now "done" too and ready to move forward in my life as a single mom.

By the time my ex started dating I had no emotion about it whatsoever. I am glad he found someone he seems happy to be with....I'm just a little sad that he chose someone who has completely shut me out and is so jealous of me.

DX and I get along great these days. We kept our distance the first couple months after we separated, but now we can hang out and be friends. He comes over every other week after the kids go to bed, and we just hang out and watch dvd's and tease each other. He's interested in a "bonus night" (one last night of sex between exes, no strongs attached), but only because he's very horny and very shy. He took it well when I turned him down. lol Since I'm more into women than men right now, we're able to share things that would have made me incredibly insecure and jealous were we still committed to each other (sexy movies, playboys, etc). In addition to our personal friendship, we also hang out together with the kids frequently, going to the park or dinner or whatever We have a good thing, and I'm so grateful that we had the strength to end our marriage in time to salvage our friendship.

I totally agree in that it could be a sign that you both have things to resolve for yourselves and your relationship as mentioned above. Some things just take time.

Make ex had a girlfriend right after we separated and before the divorce went through. I was extremely hurt and it ook me a long time to accept it. On the contrary, I had huge issues with this woman and how she just walked in and moved in with him, and wanted to be involved in my children's lives, and refused to let them see that she slept in the same household and such. My kids were younger then.

He accepted the fact that I disagreed with the overnights, and in the end things didn't work out after a year and a half. He is now single. Honestly, I don't think I would have any sort of problem now that years have gone by. I was actually happy for him when he had dates!

Another curious question... do any of you have boyfriends that have a problem with your ex's? I have run into that situation... where the b.f. is uncomfortable with, as he put it, "how involved he still is in your life". I think b.f. misunderstands that I allow for this to happen because I'm ok with it, and that it doesn't just "happen". I mean, it's true he did some awful emotional things to me and that's why we divorced... but what if I've forgiven him and he is now a good dad? To me, that's all that mattered... he knows he lost m,e and can't get that back, but he's still there for all of us when we need him. I guess I'm just curious to see if others have problems with being very amicable with their ex's.

I'm having a strange turn of events with my stbx. After a nearly sexless marriage, I am now the object of his affections. Our divorce is not final, and he says he wants me to move back in, but I just don't think that will work. I don't want this attention to end. And we have this friendship that we didn't have before. He is doing his best to convince me to come back (although he is the one who filed for divorce).

If I tell him I have no intention of moving back, will we continue to have such an amicable relationship? Somehow I doubt it. I don't know. We weren't this "friendly" during any point in our marriage. Why now? If we continue with the divorce, is it possible to remain friends? Part of me thinks something could be salvaged from the mess we made of this relationship, but the rest of me sees that things will never be what I want them to be. I don't want to be married to an alchoholic, even if he is the father of my children.

Is it obvious that I'm confused?

Autumschild, I'm so sorry he's messing with your heart that way...who knows, maybe it is possible to salvage things, but if that's his motive for being nicer to you then i would be suspicious...

I've had that situation w my stbx (i started a thread about being addicted to a person) It has been/ is very hard to set my personal boundaries and even then i'm still not sure. I now feel that the seperation is neccesary to come back to an amicable relationship...i'm becoming quite jaded...

I wouldn't/ don't want to be involved with a substance abuser, that means an addictive personality and it really *is* possible to be addicted to a person/relationship/love. For me, It involved both of us. We can't maintain the close relationship that we had been bc it was simply an excuse to stay close and not move on or truly end things. It has been stalemate, no movement.

Once again, i don't know the particulars of your relationship so i can't judge, it just sounds like you're in so much confusion that its time to take a little space for yourself...good luck

Here are my thoughts:

I have a great relationship with my first ex-husband. (yes, I have more than one). I married him when I was 17 we were only married a couple months, we have no children together. He has been my best friend for almost 13 years. He is the only person in the world that has been there for me in good times and in bad. He dates, I date, there is no jelousy. I love him more than anything, but I love him like a brother, not like a lover. Last year we went to italy and spent a week together there. There were no sparks, or any something might happen moments. We are just friend.When we got divorced I was going through a really rough time and I had to have made his life miserable and put him through hell, but yet he was always there. I do think that ex's can be friends, but I don't think they can be friends if they still have the lover's love for each other. You really can't be friends if there would be jelousy, that would cause so many problems. That wouldn't really be "friends", I think that it would be more like trying to hang onto the way things used to be instead of moving on. (and I have experience with that to. Hanging on to the past will only make your life harder.)