Anger/bitterness and labour...

I'm not even sure if I have a question here, but any insights you ladies can give me would probably be helpful...

I've had two c/s - both for breech, 10 years apart.
Between the surgeries, I spent several years ttc, and had three miscarriages.

I'm currently pregnant with baby #3 - about 37.5 weeks, and I'm planning to VBA2C. My first c-section was an emergency - I arrived at hospital 10cm dilated, and my son was breech. I didn't agree to the surgery, and didn't want it...looking back, I have to agree to the necessity, as I doubt there was anyone on staff who was trained or experienced in vaginal delivery of a breech baby. (Breech had never occurred to me, as ds was head down the day I went into labour!)

Okay - that's background. Now, my emotional issue - major one.

My sister had a little boy when ds was 2 years old. I'd been ttc for over a year, and was still quite emotional about my c-section. My sister didn't want the baby. She decided to keep him, because she had chlamydia scars on her tubes, and had been told she probably couldn't have children (this was in error, as she now has four). She thought this might be her only chance, and was afraid to have an abortion and then find she'd never be able to have a baby. Anyway...her water broke and she went into labour early (either 3 or 5 weeks). I don't think she was induced, but she was in labour for a couple of days, and was having a rough time - some of that because the nurses were absolutely horrible to her (one of them was actually suspended).

So...right from the beginning, she went on and on about the pain. I really got the feeling she hadn't believed it would hurt to be in labour. She requested an epidural very early on. When the epidural wore off, she was doing worse than ever, because the contractions had become much stronger while she couldn't feel them. She started begging for a c-section. The OB told her a section wasn't necessary, that everything looked good, and he was sure she could deliver vaginally. She just kept begging for a section.

I was in a weird emotional state, because I didn't like seeing her in such a state, but hearing someone beg for a section when I would have done almost anything not to have had one was...rough.

So, my sister finally delivered my nephew vaginally. I went into the L&D room to see how she was doing. (Her son had been whisked into the nursery to have a drainage shunt put in his head - he had fluid in his tissues or something - he looked pretty rough.) I walked in, and before I could even say "congratulations", she said "you and mom and Karen (my SIL) are pathetic". This was in reference to the fact that we three had all had c-sections.

I never confronted her about it, because I was so hurt and stunned at the time. I can't face her down about it now, because she's one of those people who rewrites history. I know she'll deny ever having said it, and say that I imagined it or I'm making it up or something (this is the way she operates about everything - her son's father became someone else when the original father became a complication). So...it's just festered - for 10 years.

Now, she wants to be there "for me" while I'm in labour with this baby. She's been at a few of her friend's births and says she knows she can help because she's "used to being with women in labour". She is the last person I want anywhere near me while I have my baby...she's the last person I want in the same city as me if it goes to another c-section. How on earth can I deal with this? I guess I can tell her I really don't want anybody there except dh (which is true). But...if she's at the hospital and even stops by for a minute, my negative emotions about her and childbirth are bound to cause me some problems during labour, aren't they? I mean...I was really hurt and angry about the whole thing, and it hasn't ever gone away. To have someone say something like that about an experience that completely devastated me in the first place...

I don't know how to deal with her on teh subject of this baby...