[Bearsmama]

Hi Everyone,
A few weeks ago, after I got very angry with my son, I said something about mommy's "anger monster" coming out. I think I actually thought these words b/c after another time when I got angry, DS actually said something about me being a monster (lovely, I know, but I guess I scared him quite a bit).

Well, in recent weeks, as I try to tame my anger, I've referred to my "anger monster". And that we all have one, and that talking about our feelings is what tames the anger monster.

I'm wondering what you all think of this? It certainly wasn't a thought out thing on my part, it just came out in response to the word "monster". I'm now wondering if it's a good thing, or a bad thing. In some ways, I think it might help DS learn that we all have many sides to our personality, that we all get angry sometimes. On the other, I'm wondering if this might make anger a more scary emotion than it already is to most kids. We generally have joked about the "anger monster". It's not a real serious thing, but a way for me to label my behavior for him.

Not sure what you might think of this. Perhaps it's something I shouldn't say again? Or perhaps its a good way to label my and my son's feelings of anger?

 

[CookieMonsterMommy]

Personally (and you did ask, lol) I think that may frighten your DS. I think (depending on his age), this could make him think that his mommy really does have a monster inside of her, or is part monster or something like that?

I have a term like that to describe the way I get sometimes, too, so don't feel alone in that. I just think maybe keep that term to be used among your older family members and friends? Just my idea.

Best Wishes,
Kelly

PS-Have you visited gentle discipline boards to talk about your anger monster? Many of us have one, and there are some great ideas there!

 

[Ruby Pearl]

This made me think of a cute cartoon that I let my DD watch called POKO. When the child gets angry he goes through this ritual to calm himself down so that he can figure out what to do about it. He calls it the anger monster.

When I get frustrated my daughter (4 yr.) calls me shrieky from care bears. So when I get frustratednow I tell her "if you keep doing this, Mommy is going to get shrieky." Then she laughs and we move on.

 

[Marsupialmom]

I think you need to add a few monsters

tickle monster

giggle monster

and your cookie monster.

Now, remeber your tickle monster must catch his giggle monster. They are always happer if you follow up with your cookie monster.

 

[asherah]

Well, I personally would not want to demonize any emotions, or make ds think emotions are bad or monstrous.
Because being angry is part of life... and it is okay to get angry.
The issue is how we DEAL with our anger.

So the times I haven't handled my anger well, I have basically told ds that.
"Mommy got angry and she didn't handle it well. I am sorry I yelled. Next time I will take just take some time by myself instead."

 

[Bearsmama]

Cookiemonstermommy-Yes, I DID ask!

And I really wanted all of the opinions, so this is a good thing. Part of me really agrees with what you're saying about it possibly frightening DS. But I guess I should elaborate on why this came up. DS was obviously frightened immediately after I had an angry outburst one time. Much to my chagrin, DS said, "Mommy, you're a monster". This stopped me in my tracks and made me so sad. So then we had this whole conversation about why I was a monster in that moment, and that mommy must have scared him quite a bit for him to think that. So then I came up with anger monster, I think. And I felt, at the time, that this was less problematic than him thinking I was the monster (I know, I know, the whole thing sucks). Yes, I spend a lot of time in the GD forum trying to tame my anger monster.

: I'm getting better, I hope.

Ruby-This is sort of the spirit with which "anger monster" came up. Although it came out of a very real, serious discussion with DS about anger. I am just at a loss sometimes as to how I'm supposed to help him deal with his anger and mine. I should say again that DS#2 was born 4 mos ago. And I had a bit of an anger monster phase there for a while. I don't want you all to think that my anger monster is taking over!!

marsupial-You are giving me good reminders to keep things as light as I can. That tends to work the best for us.

asherah-This is my dilemma. But what do you say to your child who has just called you a monster? It feels rather yucky all the way around. And to counteract that yuckiness for both of us I quickly came up with this term. I also agree that demonizing any emotions is not a good thing. And I have always apologized like you mention to my DS when I've yelled or not controlled my emotions like I thought I would.

What would you all say to the monster comment from your child?
I think there's a family therapist here, I hope she checks in here. It would be nice to see her response.