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Angry ex husband

716 Views 10 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  NaomiLorelie
My soon to be ex-husband continues to punish my children. His latest "issue" is clothes. He will not allow the children, (9 and 11), to return to my house in any clothing he has bought. This forces the children to wear dirty clothes. He sends them back to school in the same clothes they came to him in. Sometimes back to back. My daughter had a field trip and became so upset at having to wear dirty clothes she cried till her nose bled. I have asked him to please stop sending them out into public dirty. His latest solution is for the children to pack a change of clothes to bring to his house. He will return them with thier dirty clothes in thier back pack. I ask is this fair to me or them. Am I supposed to pack clothes for them until they are 18 years old. What do most people do?
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He's a dick, but yes, you should pack your children a change of clothes. God, how humiliating for a child, especially a preteen girl! In my opinion, what he is doing is child abuse. You may even want to keep a change of clothes at school, just in case he decides to be a real jerk even when you send them to him with extra clothes. The children should not have to suffer because of his abuse. Neither should you, but better you than them, right?
My ex can be a jerk to me, but he would NEVER take it out on our son. That is repulsive.

Yes, pack them extra clothes. What a slimeball.
That sucks! Have them pack a bag each time they go with extra sets of clothes. They're old enough now so don't let it be your responsibility. How horrible for them to HAVE TO do that but I'm sure after your ex's actions, they'll be happy to!

I'm new to all this but I send the kids with clothes, diapers, etc and I expect it all back. I'm happy to wash it. At some point maybe I'll feel okay to leave some stuff at his place but I'm a bit anal and I like having all their stuff under one roof so I don't have to remember what sizes they have there, etc.
The children have a therapist and he says I should contact thier law guardian. My daughter is now angry with both of us. I think she is just angry. I keep a change of clothes at the nurse because his cats have sprayed thier clothes before and they come to school smelling of cat urine and he doesn't want a coat he bought to be brought to my house.

How do I reassure my children and make them feel better about this?
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It sounds as though contacting their law guardian is a great idea. He's tormenting them and they shouldn't have to go through that.
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What IS it with some men?? I'm really sorry he's putting your kids through this. Do what you can to make it easier for them for now, and yes, contact their guardian. This is so petty and mean, and meant to get back at you in the end.

Originally Posted by Dragonfly
It sounds as though contacting their law guardian is a great idea. He's tormenting them and they shouldn't have to go through that.

I agree. What he is doing is wrong. He's angry with you and taking it out on the kids, he's putting them in the middle. That is most likely why your daughter is angry. Have you thought about getting her into a councelling program so she can work through any issues she has with the divorce? I'm sorry you are having to go through this mama
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I am glad I joined the forum. Thank you for the advice. It has been a long road and I don't always know which end is up. I don't want to join in the battle, but at the same time I don't want to lose my children. It was so difficult to watch this man help coach little league yesterday and watch him encourage other children, knowing all the things I know. Never before did he go to games let alone coach. The kids leave for thier dad's today, and I have called the guardian, and they see thier therapist tomorrow. Thank you for all the advice
I'm lurking but I had to post. My father was always just like this. Mean, controlling. You can't eat this even though it is sitting here in this kitchen. He wouldn't buy me clothes. You can't have braces because you don't "act right." Now I'm facing 10k worth of dental work that insurance won't cover because they don't cover congenital conditions after age 18. He wouldn't help me pay for college because he had to help my little sister to go to college (his exact words). Hair pulling, pushing, and punching me in the arms "so it wouldn't leave a bruise" were daily occurances. Do you know for sure that he would never physically hurt them without you around? Seriously, I would have been much better off without him in my life, and at 16 I finally got out on my own. Do they have a choice as to whether or not they can go? Can they really be forced to go at their ages? (I don't know anything about the laws reguarding this.) I'm not trying to be an extremist but from my experience, when a parent is cruel to children you only see the tip of the iceburg. And they might not tell you everything he is doing. Kids are ashamed and embarrased by things that are not their fault. Often they don't even realize when a parental behavior is not normal.
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