Annoying conversation with Dad
I was on the plane with my dad this weekend and decided to show him the article "Age of Weaning". He likes anthropology and seems a little bothered by extended breastfeeding. I thought the article would enlighten him a little. Well, he read it and then handed it back. He said "Well, it has SOME merit." I said, "Some?"
"Yeah, well you know there's the part about this country not having a lot of diseases." Meaning we really don't need to breastfeed that long because we live in such a healthy modern country.
I told him breastmilk makes a big difference even in countries like ours and told him the whole ff babies have 20% more chance of dying.
He gave me this whole "I agree with you...I don't know why you're trying to convince me. The article has SOME merit. Just don't come back when Jack is twelve and show me another article saying that's okay" I interpreted that to mean the article was just a piece of fluff to him and anyone could find an article to support any viewpoint. I think he thinks that I could just as easily find an article to support teenage nurslings.
I then went back to the whole we-live-in-a-healthy enviroment and don't really need long-term breastfeeding attitude. I asked him if he took vitamins. He said yes. I asked him why he needed to do so. If we live in such a disease free country, why do you need that extra nutrition. That kind of stumped him. Then he said "Well, if formula is that dangerous. Maybe they need to outlaw it." I told him some people want to regulate it and make it prescription only". His response? "Well, they need to do some research then."
Research? They've already done research."
The whole conversation just frustruated me. I always thought that article was so convincing, but now I realize that to some people...Well, they just have their minds made up about extended breastfeeding. No amount of articles or research is going to change their mind.
"Yeah, well you know there's the part about this country not having a lot of diseases." Meaning we really don't need to breastfeed that long because we live in such a healthy modern country.
I told him breastmilk makes a big difference even in countries like ours and told him the whole ff babies have 20% more chance of dying.
He gave me this whole "I agree with you...I don't know why you're trying to convince me. The article has SOME merit. Just don't come back when Jack is twelve and show me another article saying that's okay" I interpreted that to mean the article was just a piece of fluff to him and anyone could find an article to support any viewpoint. I think he thinks that I could just as easily find an article to support teenage nurslings.
I then went back to the whole we-live-in-a-healthy enviroment and don't really need long-term breastfeeding attitude. I asked him if he took vitamins. He said yes. I asked him why he needed to do so. If we live in such a disease free country, why do you need that extra nutrition. That kind of stumped him. Then he said "Well, if formula is that dangerous. Maybe they need to outlaw it." I told him some people want to regulate it and make it prescription only". His response? "Well, they need to do some research then."
Research? They've already done research."
The whole conversation just frustruated me. I always thought that article was so convincing, but now I realize that to some people...Well, they just have their minds made up about extended breastfeeding. No amount of articles or research is going to change their mind.
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I liked your analogy to vitamins. I may use that sometime!
I like the vitamin analogy, too! Sounds like a good retort for all the very logical among us...
Sorry you had to defend yourself with a parent. It's so frustrating to try to present thorough, useful information only to have it poo-pooed so easily, and without much thought. Aprroval of my parenting style from my parents will never come, but there are many times I've wished it.
Sorry you had to defend yourself with a parent. It's so frustrating to try to present thorough, useful information only to have it poo-pooed so easily, and without much thought. Aprroval of my parenting style from my parents will never come, but there are many times I've wished it.
My parents have been fairly accepting of our co-sleeping, breastfeeding, homeschooling, etc. They don't make many negative comments. Right now, I think they feel I'm weird and they accept that weirdness. I guess I wanted my dad to say "Wow, I didn't know that. It's really good that you're still breastfeeding." Instead it's more of an attitude of "Well, we can't change her mind...so I guess we'll just keep quiet and hope it disappears on its own".
I guess I should be grateful that my parents haven't been completely hostile. And I also recognize the fact that if they applauded our parenting choices, they'd be somewhat admitting that their way of parenting us wasn't the best.
Dina
I guess I should be grateful that my parents haven't been completely hostile. And I also recognize the fact that if they applauded our parenting choices, they'd be somewhat admitting that their way of parenting us wasn't the best.
Dina
i'm just jumping in here so i don't have a link, but i read a few years ago an article by an anthropologist about natural age to wean. she had said that in the animal kingdom, babies wean when they start getting permanent teeth and in human age that would be around age 7. (add or subtract a few years as this is an average age). if he's into anthropology ask him about that.
my dad is an anthropogist buff too and i know he's trying to deal with my nursing children (and he does this by educating himself on the subject). he's been very supportive and always finds and tells me article that support nursing children. my favorite one which was printed in a local paper was by a kindergarten teacher about two of her students that were still nursing at age 5, they were the only well adjusted kids in her class!!
sorry no links.
my dad is an anthropogist buff too and i know he's trying to deal with my nursing children (and he does this by educating himself on the subject). he's been very supportive and always finds and tells me article that support nursing children. my favorite one which was printed in a local paper was by a kindergarten teacher about two of her students that were still nursing at age 5, they were the only well adjusted kids in her class!!
sorry no links.
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That's the article I gave him. Sorry, I mistyped it in the first post! I think that's why I'm so frustruated. Is that article not incredibly convincing???? I don't see how anyone can not be transformed by it? But it didn't do anything for my dad. Your dad sounds so cool about the whole thing.
You know, there's some quote...something along the lines of "Some things have to be believed to be Seen." I think this fits here. People don't want to believe the importance of breastfeeding so they a) avoid seeing the information b) misread the information c) ignore the information d) claim that the information is false.
| i'm just jumping in here so i don't have a link, but i read a few years ago an article by an anthropologist about natural age to wean. she had said that in the animal kingdom, babies wean when they start getting permanent teeth and in human age that would be around age 7. (add or subtract a few years as this is an average age). if he's into anthropology ask him about that. |
That's the article I gave him. Sorry, I mistyped it in the first post! I think that's why I'm so frustruated. Is that article not incredibly convincing???? I don't see how anyone can not be transformed by it? But it didn't do anything for my dad. Your dad sounds so cool about the whole thing.
You know, there's some quote...something along the lines of "Some things have to be believed to be Seen." I think this fits here. People don't want to believe the importance of breastfeeding so they a) avoid seeing the information b) misread the information c) ignore the information d) claim that the information is false.
In "Our Babies, Ourselves" Meredith Small talks about a researcher trying to determine the correct amount of time to breastfeed by looking at different cultures, and he determined that the appropriate length of time to bf is 2 to 7 years.
Quote:
Ask him how our biology in this country differs from that of the humans in other countries? Not technology, not hygiene, not water treatment, not medical care, BIOLOGY.
| "Yeah, well you know there's the part about this country not having a lot of diseases." Meaning we really don't need to breastfeed that long because we live in such a healthy modern country. |
It's rough with dads and extended bf. My dad suggested I wean at one year, or discuss weaning limits with my DH. And I was like "Why DH?" My dad really couldn't put it into words, but I could read between the lines. It's as if my breasts belong to hubby and were simply on loan to DS for a year. Oooooh-kay Dad! Needless to say I'm still nursing. Hubby doesn't have a limit, thank goodness
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