[kellyjeangee]

<p>So I was recently at a family party, and I have one set of cousins that are 5 girls, they all came up to me with their friends horror birth stories, how one pushed so hard she popped a eye vessel, or how one had an episotomy, or one hated her doula. They only say these stories [i've noticed] when you mention you are having a waterbirth or all natural birth, drug free!  I also get a lot 'I tried like hell to have a natural, but I got the epidural and I'm telling you, you will get one once you feel the pain" What ever happened to words of encouragement?  Anyone have this happen? Just annoying stories to either get you worked up, scared, or more towards the drugs? </p>

 

[synepona]

<p>Most everyone lately just assumes that since it's twins, I'll be scheduling a C-section, and they seem very surprised that I'm going to 'try' to avoid one. I've managed to successfully avoid C-Sections twice already, despite transverse babes at 38 weeks and having to consider a C-sec if they couldn't/wouldn't turn, so I'm not that worried about it</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Fortunately, before my first was born, the person who had last had any babies in our social group ... was my doula. She wasn't offering up any scary stories. I did get some people with 10yr old ++ kids saying things like "Oh, things are so different now", but not much beyond that, and most of that was about baby gear, and new-born care, not so much birth & labour.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The person most pushing the 'you'll need an epidural' line was my family doc, who was my care provider until 24 weeks, when she transferred me out to an OB, b/c she(the family doc) didn't do labour & deliver on call anymore. Her argument wasn't a terribly convincing one "Well, it's just too much pain to do it with out, with both of my kids, I had to get it done a second time as the first one didn't work, either time." Awesome.</p>

 

[penelopec]

I've gotten the "don't try to be a hero" line multiple times from people, especially from my MIL, just because they hear we are going to natural childbirth classes. I know my own mother would be supportive because she had me and my three sisters naturally but unfortunately she passed away in 2007. I don't understand the need to share the horror stories but it definitely the last thing I want to hear. I just keep telling myself that my body was designed to do this and let the words go over my head.

 

[eaustin]

It's so hard to hear that! It probably stems from their own insecurities, but a nice, "that's awesome!", sure would be encouraging. People don't try to talk to me about it any more, but are surprised I'm planning another home birth with twins. Luckily, with my first, I always used my fear of epidurals as an excuse they couldn't really say much about

 

[ElektraofMars]

I had all of my children unassisted. My doctor thought I had lost it when I told him I would be birthing my twins solo. No one tells me horror stories I just have to much experience.<br>
Do not let them trouble you birth is really what you make of it. It does make me a little crazy when people assume that Ibirth unassisted just for the glory!?!

 

[Michelle Murphy]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603692" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>SynEpona</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603692"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
 
<p>Most everyone lately just assumes that since it's twins, I'll be scheduling a C-section, and they seem very surprised that I'm going to 'try' to avoid one. I've managed to successfully avoid C-Sections twice already, despite transverse babes at 38 weeks and having to consider a C-sec if they couldn't/wouldn't turn, so I'm not that worried about it</p>
<p> </p>
</div>
</div>
<p>Thank you for sharing that about your transverse babies, <a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/164269/SynEpona" style="display:inline-block;">@SynEpona</a>.  One of my big fears at this point is positioning and what I need to hear most is from women who say "baby turned; no problem".  Is transverse "hammock style"?  <br>
Hopefully I'll get a midwife soon and we can actually start telling position because I don't really know at the moment.  It's been a several weeks since the last check and I can't tell where she's at, just that she moves a lot.  </p>
<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603830" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>eaustin</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603830"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
It's so hard to hear that! It probably stems from their own insecurities, but a nice, "that's awesome!", sure would be encouraging. People don't try to talk to me about it any more, but are surprised I'm planning another home birth with twins. Luckily, with my first, I always used my fear of epidurals as an excuse they couldn't really say much about</div>
</div>
<p>I'm just telling them that I react to medications so it isn't an option.  This is true, but not actually tested so  . . . .   I react poorly to everything they give me so it's best to err on the side of caution.  I just don't consider it an option and therefore it isn't one, but it would be nice if it was more universal.  Mostly, I just don't talk to too many people about my plans.  </p>
<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603895" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>ElektraofMars</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603895"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br><br>
I had all of my children unassisted. My doctor thought I had lost it when I told him I would be birthing my twins solo. No one tells me horror stories I just have to much experience.<br>
Do not let them trouble you birth is really what you make of it. It does make me a little crazy when people assume that Ibirth unassisted just for the glory!?!</div>
</div>
<p>That is awesome and great to hear!  More awesome stories, please!  Just saw an unassisted birth on YouTube and I was impressed.  After she was done I noticed a whole bevy of kids come out of the woodwork.  I'm planning on as little assisting as possible because I operate better with self-confidence and drive.  I just want people there to encourage the confidence and help keep me strong.  *That* is my safety net.  </p>

 

[Dandy Lion]

<p>My usual reaction is that hospital interventions nearly killed my first baby, and after that experience I would never force my child to go through something I wasn't willing to endure myself. And then I go on to add that after preparing diligently for a natural birth, it was surprisingly easy, and I can't wait to give birth again. Usually they shut up after that...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>but sometimes they like to add little tidbits about how they/their sister/their friend would have died or lost a baby had they not been in a hospital. Then when I ask what happened (usually a failed induction or long labor ending in a c-section), I can always explain how their situation would have been different and either safer or just as safe at home. Or if they tell me they were begging for an epidural, I usually ask about how they prepared for labor (which they never did). Then I point out that women have been giving birth naturally for as long as they've been giving birth, and giving birth is the most amazing thing a human being can do, and it's awesome that we're women, so we have the opportunity to give birth. And then I start with my feminist stuff about how women were taught pain during childbirth was the curse of eve, and how male doctors took over the birthing process (with a midwife smear campaign), and did everything they could to make birth convienient for them at the expense of the mother and babies. And all of this has led women to fear childbirth instead of celebrate it, when it's been proven that fear not only lengthens labor, but also makes it painful. Basically this whole childbirth thing is just another way for men to dominate women. To show I'm not completely crazy at this point, I note that I have had a friend who would have died during her pregnancy had she not had a c-section at 34 weeks, so I believe that modern medicine is amazing and extremely valuable when needed, but we have to be careful not to use that same medicine to cause harm. Also, home birth and even natural birth isn't for everyone, but women shouldn't be made to feel like they can't have natural births if they want one. No matter what a women wants though, they need to find a care provider they can talk openly with and who supports their wishes. Women need to empower themselves and learn about pregnancy and child birth so they can be sure they're making the best decisions for themselves and their babies.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>And that's when I usually start feeling a little awkward for being "that" person.</p>

 

[amyrobynne]

<p>After 3 natural births, people have stopped claiming I can't do it, but my mom's friends staged an intervention when they heard I was planning a homebirth with my first, full of "the hospital (during my unnecessary induction) saved my baby" stories. The worst part was when my husband tried to explain our thoughts, they told him that he didn't count because it wasn't his body. Umm, he cares about his wife and baby LAY OFF! </p>

 

[synepona]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603933" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Michelle Murphy</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603933"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
 
<p>Thank you for sharing that about your transverse babies, <a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/164269/SynEpona" style="display:inline-block;">@SynEpona</a>.  One of my big fears at this point is positioning and what I need to hear most is from women who say "baby turned; no problem".  Is transverse "hammock style"?  </p>
</div>
</div>
<p>Transverse is fully sideways - so, head to one side of mama, bum at the other. It's not possible for a baby to get out that way, so they need to turn. A breech (bum or foot first) baby can still get out, though there aren't as many docs comfortable with breech delivery.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, a transverse baby absolutely must turn in some way to avoid a C-section. DS was supposed to be a scheduled C-section at 38w5d b/c he was transverse at 38 weeks (and had been for a while), but the morning of the section he started to turn. My deal with the OB was that if he started to turn, I didnt' have to have the section, and we would wait for labour to start, confirm position then, and decide how to proceed. I wasn't terribly interested in spending hours or days in real labour only to end up with a section anyway, b/c he wouldn't turn. Labour started spontaneously at 39w5d, and he was sort of angled, finished turning to a fully head first/down position during labour and was born w/o any interventions, in the hospital, early in the morning of 39w6d.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>DD was very flippy, but always returning to a breech or transverse position, from the moment I could figure out her positions. I had a 'water leak' (not as much as breaking-water, just a little), at 38w4d, the day before the appt when my M/W and I were going to make the final decisions about what to do with my flippy breech baby. Since 'labour' had started b/c of the water leak, the M/W had to officially transfer my care to an O/B b/c DD was still transverse, and their practice guidelines require consultation after 38 weeks for breech positioning, and transfer for breech positioning during labour. The M/W called around to find an OB who would be willing to try things other than an immediate c-section, and we went to the hospital to meet w/ the M/W & OB, who did an external version, and started an induction. B/C of protocol & the approaching '24 hours since water breaks' time line, along with the fact that DD had been successfully flipped several times via spinning babies techniques and homeopathic treatments - but always flipped back - we wanted her *born* right after that external version so she wouldn't flip back. The OB was willing to try a breech delivery if she did flip, but he was only on call that day, and if we waited for another day for any reason, we might not have found a doc in the region willing to even attempt a breech delivery.<br>
The M/W did the actual 'baby catching', and the OB transferred me & DD right back to the M/W care w/in 1/2 hour of her birth. We left for home when she was 3hrs old, as is normal w/ M/W care in my area, following a hospital birth. From admission through to going home, I was at the hospital for about 17 hours.</p>

 

[researchparent]

<p>I think mothers that choose to get epidurals feel judged and insecure when they hear about mother's who have (or plan to) give birth naturally. When I was pregnant with my first, someone at work with a newborn sort of got mad at me and equated what I was planning to do to using an outhouse or sh*tting in the bushes. After that I mostly just don't tell people. If they ask, I'm honest, but if they start to get all weird on me, I just say something about how I can't stand the ideas of needles and knives (which is also true...multiple pregnancies has finally rid me of this habit, but until my late 20's, I always cried when I got my blood drawn).</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I think I'm one of the few people on this board who is happily planning on a hospital birth, but I live in a pretty liberal area where the general policy is to never take the baby away from the mother and advocate strongly for exclusive, on-demand breastfeeding. Even the hospital required childbirth class promoted a medication-free delivery and told us horror stories about epidurals. However, when I was actually at the hospital, my nurse seemed a little judge-y about me refusing the epidural. To be fair, I wasn't saying, "I don't want one." I was saying, "I want to wait and see." She said, "There's no point in waiting. If you're going to get one at all, you might as well get one now." Every time she came back, I still kept saying, "I want to wait and see," and I felt like she was rolling her eyes at me every time (up until the time where she said, "This is it. If you don't get one now, you can't have one."). I ended up having an awesome birth without medication and afterwards she was soooo nice to me. I think she actually did strongly support epidural-free deliveries, she was just disillusioned by all the mothers who come in not wanting an epidural, then changing their mind. I think those mothers (who change their mind) are the ones who are most likely to tell you the horror birth stories, because they are disappointed in themselves.</p>

 

[synepona]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17604169" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>researchparent</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17604169"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
I think I'm one of the few people on this board who is happily planning on a hospital birth,</div>
</div>
<p>I'm with you on this, I'm actually fine with the hospital -- it's the *omgoodness, twins are so super high risk, we have to make you deliver in the OR* part that is frustrating me! I don't like to feel 'stuck' in the hospital for days, but am happy to deliver there my midwives have privileges at the hospital, same as an OB, and if I were not having twins, I would be delivering at the hospital w/them. The twins thing is what's pushed me to the OB, and the list of tests, restrictions, etc. that I'm annoyed with.</p>

 

[Becky Wheeler]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories/0_100#post_17603687" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>kellyjeangee</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories/0_100#post_17603687"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
 
<p>So I was recently at a family party, and I have one set of cousins that are 5 girls, they all came up to me with their friends horror birth stories, how one pushed so hard she popped a eye vessel, or how one had an episotomy, or one hated her doula. They only say these stories [i've noticed] when you mention you are having a waterbirth or all natural birth, drug free!  I also get a lot 'I tried like hell to have a natural, but I got the epidural and I'm telling you, you will get one once you feel the pain" What ever happened to words of encouragement?  Anyone have this happen? Just annoying stories to either get you worked up, scared, or more towards the drugs? </p>
</div>
</div>
<p>When people dish out stories like that to my face, I give reasons why they possibly didn't have things work out. That way they're just as offended as I am. I would have said "you probably burst a blood vessel because you were on your back pushing to a 10 count with an epidural and couldn't feel to push right, same with why you needed an episiotomy, cousin #2. And you probably hated your doula because you didn't meet with her enough times to get to know her while you were pregnant. Thank you. Now I know what NOT to do." But I'm kind of a jerk like that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I guess I'm kind of lucky, since this is my 4th and already had one at home, so no one dishes out "advice" or unwanted horror stories anymore.</p>

 

[redeyedvireo]

<div class="quote-container" data-huddler-embed="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603933" data-huddler-embed-placeholder="false">Quote:
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Michelle Murphy</strong> <a href="/community/t/1400055/annoying-people-with-horror-birth-stories#post_17603933"><img alt="View Post" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style=""></a><br>
 
<p>Thank you for sharing that about your transverse babies, <a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/164269/SynEpona" style="display:inline-block;">@SynEpona</a>.  One of my big fears at this point is positioning and what I need to hear most is from women who say "baby turned; no problem". ... <span style="line-height:1.5em;">More awesome stories, please! ... I'm planning on as little assisting as possible because I operate better with self-confidence and drive.  I just want people there to encourage the confidence and help keep me strong.  *That* is my safety net.  </span></p>
</div>
</div>
<p>My second baby hung out in a transverse position most of the time, but she was able to flip around a lot, so I wasn't too concerned. At some point fairly late in labor, I realized she had been transverse all day, so I told her out loud that now would be a great time to go head down. She immediately did, and she was born shortly thereafter. That was an unassisted birth. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With my first I had a super hands-off traditional birth assistant who waited in another room (at my request - I realized I couldn't relax through the contractions with a new person in the room) until I called her in when my body started pushing and I felt overwhelmed.</p>

 

[Water Mama]

<p>I am probably the only person here that is planning an in-hospital water birth. Luckily my midwives are great and haven't told me any horror stories. When I delivered my son the hospital nurses tried to start me down the path of pitocin and all the regular drug stuff. I had to muster all my energy away from contractions to say, "NO!" before the midwife got there. Also, with my son, I was so positive through the whole pregnancy--very wide-eyed and young with a "everything is awesome!" attitude I guess I didn't talk to people much about my strong decision to do it naturally without drugs, so I didn't get any feedback or horror stories. Now with my second, I am not really sharing my choices with people, but I am older, maybe a little wiser, and feeling nervous! I know that I had a great pregnancy/delivery with my son--what are the chances that everything goes so well the second time around? Trying not to hype myself up too much. I just hope that this labor is under twelve hours unlike the first one at 21 hours. What will be will be.. <img alt="shrug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/shrug.gif"></p>

 

[kellyjeangee]

<p>I'm having a in hospital water birth too girl! my midwives are AMAZING<br>
 :]</p>

 

[gratefulgoddess]

<p><a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/174221/Dandy-Lion" style="display:inline-block;">@Dandy Lion</a>... you legend... Im always sitting there thinking all of those things when someone comes up to me and says "...oh youre having a homebirth..well my friends sisters cousins friend, almost died from pre eclampsia...so Im not having a homebirth"....ummmm...alright?  And I just want to say all those things, but then someone gets to point out that this is my first and I will just see..</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Honestly, If anything was to come up during my birthing time, I just want to feel that I made an empowered choice. Even if I end up delievering this baby unassisted or emergency c-section, as long as I felt like I was heard and my opinions mattered and I wasnt taken advantage of, then I feel it will be a good birth. </p>

 

[shenanegans]

<p>If people start to get too anti, I just nod and smile and let it slide or say "excuse me I have to.....(whatever)" and walk away! Its not worth the energy for me to argue with people like this. </p>

 

[dawncayden]

<p>I've come to realize people bring up stories like this because they haven't been able to work through the fear and pain they experienced. They actually think they are helping by sharing these stories. I try not to let the negativity affect me and just give them a listening ear and say things like 'wow that must have been a scary time for you/your sister/your mom' I've noticed if I am respectful to them (even though they are not being that way to me) they soon realize what they are saying and they usually say 'oh sorry, you probably don't want to hear all that kind of stuff'</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I also think that everyone should birth in the location where they feel most safe and comfortable. For some that is a hospital and for some that's at home. When I'd mention that I don't like hospitals and I don't like needles, and having a birth without drugs makes me feel more comfortable, most people aren't used to hearing that. My favourite line is to say 'I trust my body to birth the baby out', and 'I think fear plays a huge role in pain, so do what you can to be in a fearless situation during labour and birth.</p>
<p>We are also really lucky in British Columbia that midwives are regulated (and free) since 1993, and it's catching on that it is a safe option for maternity care.</p>

 

[Water Mama]

<p><a data-huddler-embed="href" href="/community/u/241148/kellyjeangee" style="display:inline-block;">@kellyjeangee</a> , where are you located? How exciting! Last time I didn't have to buy my own tub, but this time we do. Worried about setting it up in time for the baby. </p>

 

[kellyjeangee]

<p>We are located in Central NJ  </p>