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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My husband says he wants to be done (although, sometimes
his actions don't match up with what he says!). And my head agrees with him. But, my heart does not! It's a constant struggle, within myself and with him.

Five.

Five kids.

Sounds like alot. But really its only one more, right? What about Dominic, he's THE baby. What would his place be? Tori might get her sister, I would love to give her a sister! We would be complete, we'd all be here. But there would be so many! But they grow up. I could do other stuff I want to do, I could work! But I could be pregnant again, and tandem nurse and have a lotus birth...just like I wanted. Is that a reason to have another baby? It's not the only reason. It's only time, it goes so fast anyway. Will I regret it if we don't? I will regret it if we don't. If we do, I want to wait. No, I don't want to wait. Another one?
Five kids?
Five kids!
Five kids...
...one more.

This is the conversation that goes round and round in my head every single day. When your done, there is no more conversation, right? You just know your done, right? So then I'm not done, right?

Anyone else have similar thoughts???
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Finch
: Man, having a SECOND kid wigs me out.
Y'all have ovaries of steel.
:
 

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We just had #3 in April, and I'm not sure either. I can't imagine if that was my last pregnancy..what if I never nurse another baby...do I really want just 3...poor 1 man out...

So I guess I'm the same boat...
 

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Me too!!!!!!

I only have 2 right now, but not a day goes by when I wonder if I'll have another.

Dh was very, very sure he only wanted two till #2 was born. Immediately he started talking about making more babies. Now I go back and forth, and so does he. When he's in a good mood, and feels flush with cash, he wants to get me pg, then other times not so much. I know I want another, but when becomes a question.

My main concern is financial- which is kind've funny since we're in a pretty good place financially, I just worry about loosing some of the luxuries I've come to expect. Mainly, travel is the issue, because we travel a lot. It's essential for our family dynamic. But what's one more plane ticket- if we only go on a couple of plane trips a year?

Also, now I'm looking at getting a fairly full time nanny. I work p/t, and I'm sick of juggling daycare. I figure, if I'm going to shell out for some real "help" I might as well have all the kids I'm going to have right now, right?

I think I've resigned myself to having one more. I think I may want to have a c-section, though! My pregnancies are easy, but my deliveries not so much. This last one did some lasting damage to my perineum.

It's a toughy! I never thought about this between #1 and #2, because I knew #2 was inevitable. I wish I could stop thinking about it!
 

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How old is your youngest?

I only ask because I have three kids. When dd3 was a baby, I wasn't sure we were done. Dh thought we were and discussed the big V with his doc. I was horrified when he told me. He understood I wasn't ready to be so final so he was happy to wait (wasn't really looking forward to that day himself anyway).

But when dd3 got big enough to really be in the mix - to open doors and run away from me in the parking lot and ruin her sisters' art projects... well, all of a sudden I knew we were done!


Two kids was easy (once we got past dd2's colic). Three kids is HARD. At least it is for me. And I have a lot of support. I KNOW we are done. Absolutely not getting on THAT train again!

So yes, I think when you are done, you know it. But you might not know it right away...
 

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Quote:
We would be complete, we'd all be here.
This struck me as your answer! There seems to be another soul waiting to be born for your family


Me, I also struggle to go from 1 to 2. I wish I could but we have fertility issues here. I could do acupuncture which would help me get pregnant, but I had such a hard time (kick me in the butt kind, taken from the other thread) with going from 0-1, that I expect 1-2 to be worse. Not a great attitude to have while pregnant, sort of, self fulfilling prophecy I don't want to have
:
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by nicholas_mom
This struck me as your answer! There seems to be another soul waiting to be born for your family

This is me too! I could have written the OP except that I only have two now and I think I want three. I am not a spiritual person in the least but I just feel that our family isn't complete. There's someone missing. Yet, I look at ds, my baby, and think "could I really make you the middle child?" But I would love for dh to have two sons if #3 were a boy (girls are good too, I've got one already and would have liked a sister as a kid - I only have one brother).

I told dh before we even got pregnant with #1 that if we were going to have kids, we would have 3. I like families with three kids. But dh is one of three and feels that if there had only been one or two in his family, there would have been more to go around. I firmly feel that given who is parents are, it wouldn't have mattered if they had one kid or six.

But, dh is a WAHD and is getting tired of diapers. I WOHM full-time (but 4 days/wk) and am in line for a big promotion next summer. I'm getting older too and if I'm going to have another, it's got to be soon.

I sort of wish dh had said "no way we're having three!" before we had #2 so I could have cherished my pregnancy and newborn stage more. Selfish yes, but that's how I feel. I went through my second pregnancy thinking it was the second not the last.

So, do I push for what I want and risk having dh be partially on board with the idea or do I go with dh's wishes and have regrets my whole life? I hate choices like this.

Thanks! I needed this thread.
 

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I'm having the same internal struggle about a 4th pregnancy and I'm on my 3rd pregnancy right now! It seems a little early to be considering a 4th, but that would bring us up to 5 kids. Of course we'll never ALL be here because DS1 is dead and I have to wonder if I'm subconsciously trying to replace him or something? I don't think I am but you can never really be sure.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks, its nice to know I'm not the only one who can't stop thinking about it!
:

Yup, knowing there is someone else that belongs with us, that's the kicker! So, I am now 3dpo
And for some reason, I don't really want to test this time, but I just love seeing those two lines! So we'll see if I cave...
 

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DH and I originally agreed on 2, and planned dd1 to arrive about 3 years after her brother--got pg on the first try. We had our first homebirth with dd--ds was a planned hb, but, long story short, was born in the hospital with a NICU stay. Days after dd was born, I knew I wanted a third. DH felt done, but when dd1 was 10.5 months old we had an oops, and dh was only briefly freaked out and then thrilled about #3. dd2's home waterbirth was a beautiful, quiet, peaceful experience. She is now going on two, and from the time she was a bit less than a year, I started feeling the urge for #4. I brought it up briefly to dh. He was very surprised, as I'd talked about feeling our family was complete when dd2 was a month or so old, that I didn't want to go through pg again, etc.

I don't know if my thoughts/desire for #4 have been about not feeling our family is genuinly complete, or just baby lust and that desire to be pregnant and give birth again. I've been pretty obsessed with the idea (but have mostly kept it to myself) over the past year. Recently, however, we are planning a move in the next year or so, and my excitement about that seems to be overtaking my baby#4 obsession in my thoughts. Right now another baby would make our moving plans difficult. Money is short and the money we need to prepare our house to sell would go to the midwife. We don't have a car to accomodate four seats, and the one we own is not paid off.

Suddenly I am less obsessed with the idea of a newborn and all the sweetness that comes with those early days and months, and more excited about watching my children become who they are as they grow and learn. I am actually looking forward to the end of diapers (dd2 is already beginning to use the potty--yay!) and having three children in the "childhood years." I am looking forward to continuous nights of solid sleep for the first in six years!

Didn't mean to hijack, just wanting to share my story, and say, I know just how you feel! And maybe my desire for #4 will return when we've moved. My belief is that if s/he is meant to join our family, nothing can stop him/her from doing so, and if our family is meant to be complete as it is, nothing we don will bring another child to our family, and that's just perfect.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Finch
: Man, having a SECOND kid wigs me out.
Y'all have ovaries of steel.
Whew! I know that's right
 

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Yes! I've always wanted 3, but now DH is thinking 2 is enough. I just can't imagine my life later on though with only two. Plus, I didn't enjoy the last pregnancy nearly enough for it to be the last one!
 
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