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<p><a href="http://counsellingresource.com/distress/personality-disorders/understanding/index.html" target="_blank">http://counsellingresource.com/distress/personality-disorders/understanding/index.html</a></p>
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<p>Make sure you read the second and third sections; they're really great. I think I've come to a place where I believe that just about every abuser has some variety of cluster B personality disorder. The section in this article where he describes the core traits -- things like a sense of entitlement, lack of responsibility for one's actions, etc, rang so true.</p>
<p>I got to the end of the article and was thinking, "Wow, this guy really gets it," when I saw that he also had written the article that I'm constantly referencing about how abuse produces a form of Stockholm syndrome in the victim -- <a href="http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/stockholm/index.html" target="_blank">http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/stockholm/index.html</a></p>
<p>And another good one by the same guy called "are you dating a loser" which is basically about spotting red flags for abusers: <a href="http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/loser/index.html" target="_blank">http://counsellingresource.com/quizzes/loser/index.html</a></p>
 

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<p>"Beginning in their childhood, as an adult they now only know how to relate to others with intimidation, threat, anger, manipulation, and dishonesty. This defective social style continues, <strong>even when those around them are socially skilled, concerned, accepting, and loving.</strong>"</p>
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<p>"Changing the behavior of the victim does not change the behavior of the Personality Disorder."</p>
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<p>good to know.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>doubledutch</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282479/another-great-article-about-personality-disorders#post_16082128"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>"Beginning in their childhood, as an adult they now only know how to relate to others with intimidation, threat, anger, manipulation, and dishonesty. This defective social style continues, <strong>even when those around them are socially skilled, concerned, accepting, and loving.</strong>"</p>
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<p>"Changing the behavior of the victim does not change the behavior of the Personality Disorder."</p>
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<p>good to know.</p>
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<p>This explains the maddening futility of my efforts. <br>
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<p>i want to copy/paste that whole second page into a document and then list specific examples of stbx's behavior that fall under each of those categories (and i can think of something off the top of my head for every, single one).  i guess just to remind myself . . . because sometimes he seems really normal, and he is so 100% in victim mode right now, with his meekness and brokenness and then posting all this "love is the answer" bs all over facebook.  i have to work hard to keep in my mind that everything is a facade with him.  this is a role he is playing.  sigh.</p>
 

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<p>Thanks for sharing Jen. part 3 of that link was exceptionally interesting. The lack of remorese, responsability, it gets worse after moving in or having a baby, the blame for criminal activity; including assault and jail sentencing. I have dealt with all of those...... It's really hard to know that there is no cure for this problem. I really wanted to have hope that things could improve, that classes could help, anything or something must help but it seems the more that I read about it, this is a lifelong pattern and doesn't go away. If that's true then I have no hope of putting my family back together or for things to ever be normal and healthy. That is really hard for me to accept.</p>
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<p><br>
I remember going through that. It was so hard for me to accept that I had to basically give up on my partner. For so long I couldn't face the fact that he was broken beyond repair and all my love would never fix him. But until I accepted that, I couldn't escape the abuse and move on. The possibility of "curing" him made me take the abuse for a lot longer than I needed to.</p>
<p>It's a dark phase you have to go through, but once you let go of that false hope, you're that much closer to healing. The abuse isn't something he does. It's the person that he is.</p>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Sativarain1</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282479/another-great-article-about-personality-disorders#post_16084369"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Thanks for sharing Jen. part 3 of that link was exceptionally interesting. The lack of remorese, responsability, it gets worse after moving in or having a baby, the blame for criminal activity; including assault and jail sentencing. I have dealt with all of those...... It's really hard to know that there is no cure for this problem. I really wanted to have hope that things could improve, that classes could help, anything or something must help but it seems the more that I read about it, this is a lifelong pattern and doesn't go away. If that's true then I have no hope of putting my family back together or for things to ever be normal and healthy. That is really hard for me to accept.</p>
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<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>*MamaJen*</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1282479/another-great-article-about-personality-disorders#post_16084568"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif"></a><br><br>
The abuse isn't something he does. It's the person that he is.</div>
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What an incredibly simple yet profound statement.<br><br>
Thank you. It was the glass of cold water in the face that I've been needing for awhile.
 

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<p>Thank you for the articles! It sounds exactly like my XH and ex BF! It helps me understand why things took such a turn for the worse when we had dd.</p>
 
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