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Sorry in advance if this is long <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> - I really need to get it out.<br><br>
DS is a pretty intense kid - high energy, always go go go, also very sensitive (to change, to emotions, very perceptive and observant). He is also very social and very cuddly (when he slows down for a minute <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ). IMO he has begun to develop a sense of empathy which is a bit early for his age from what I understand and I imagine it has lots to do with his sensitivity.<br><br>
When he was a baby we were 'ap' - met his needs, tried to stay in tune, etc. Since then we have been trying to follow UP/Kohn's philosophy as it seems like a good fit for us. Last summer/fall (aug, sept, oct) he went through a pushing phase. Not out of anger - he wasn't at all angry - and he would do it unprovoked. It pushed me close to the edge, I must say. He started a new daycare that September, but it started before that. At daycare they did 'time outs' and 'gentle hands'. At home we did lots of behavior modelling, encouraging empathy (look! She's crying, she is so sad that you pushed her over, people dont' like to be pushed, etc), and when things got bad (like at a LLL toddler meeting where we were discussing discipline as the topic and ds kept pushing over all the kids) I would do "time ins" with him (i.e. a time out with me present and in contact with him - explained that we needed some space from the other kids so we could remember why pushing isn't okay). Anyway, that phase passed, thankfully, or I would have lost my mind. I couldn't even take him to playgrounds/playdates/etc because he couldn't play with the other kids.<br><br>
Fast forward to now. Since then he has been in daycare (4 days until Dec, 3 days a week since then). His group is very active/aggressive/loud - don't know how his teacher handles it! His teacher says he plays very well, though, and is the easiest by far to deal with. She is impressed by his sense of empathy and his willingness to be gentle with the other kids. Perhaps by contrast to the others in his group he looks calm, I dunno <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">.<br><br>
When he is with DH or I, though, it is a different story. He hits, pushes, etc - often unprovoked (he'll even hit babies!) and not out of anger, but sometimes because he seems to feel crowded or overwhelmed or slighted by another kid. I know it must be tough as a kid . . .to have to play with the kids that your mom/dad picks out for you based on the adults they like to spend time with. I can't really say DS is 'friends' with many of the kids we hang around, with the exception of maybe 2 of them.<br><br>
Starting the week after next I will be home with him full time (except one day when he'll be at daycare - as a transition over the summer). His teacher thinks it will be good for him to be away from the aggression at daycare, but I worry because those kids are really more his "friends" - he is excited to see them, talks about them, etc.<br><br>
Anyway, I dont' know how to deal with this phase, and I am terrified that we will be isolated because the other SAHM's I know have passive kids and I'm not sure they want to play with us that often for fear that their kids will get hurt - also it is stressful for DS and I to be at playdates where he is pushing the other kids around. I am a very social person and need daily interaction with other adults. In addition, I have always been a bit 'insecure' - i.e. seeking approval/acceptance of others, so I am sure I project this a bit onto ds and how I interpret his actions/emotions - and often it affects how I parent in front of others.<br><br>
We have never done time outs at home but ds understands what it means from daycare. At a playdate the other day I took him for a 'time out' - and told him that is what it was - but stayed with him and held him - and explained that I thought he needed to be alone and away from the other kids for a few minutes. Not sure how I feel about doing that. I feel at the end of my rope and am not sure what to do.<br><br>
If you made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING!!!! It means so much, truly. Anything you can offer in the way of advice etc would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to be honest - I won't get upset, I promise <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">. If you need any further clarification, feel free to ask!
 

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I don't think I have any advice for you-I'm in the same boat! DD is a little younger-21 months-and pushes. Not angrily, and not to get anything (except maybe attention?!). It seems to be when she's overwhelmed by people/noise-or close to naptime. I'm trying to anticipate/manage her behaviour as necessary. I remind her "no pushing, pushing is not nice" and talk her through her actions, ie explain that the little girl/boy is sad because DD pushed her. If she does it again, we pack up and go. It is definitely hit/miss-sometimes she's fine, sometimes she's awful.<br>
Like you, a lot of our friends' kids seem pretty passive, and I don't want E to be "that" kid, you know? I think most other moms recognize it's a phase, and not our fault though.<br>
I hope someone else has some advice!
 

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No advice, just empathy! We are in the same situation - not so much the pushing, but body contact in general. Our mainstream friends have little tolerance for it. DS can't keep his hands to himself - walks by kids and brushes them with his hands or bumps them with his body. Like fridgeart, I don't want ds to be "that kid.". It's very hard. I'm subbing to this thread to see if anyone has any answers!
 
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