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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'll say it right up front my neighbor's 8 year old son drives me nuts! Here is a bit of background. We moved in in December and met the neighbors. They are very nice and have one child. She told me how excited he was that there are children moving in next door. I was puzzled by this since we only have one child right now and she's under 2. Why would a 8 year old have much intrest playing w/ my 20 dd... well moving along.<br><br>
I start an in home daycare. I have 3 boys ranging from 10 months to 5 years. We like to play outside in the afternoons. Neighbor is always wanting to come over and play... he pretty much invites himself over all the time. He'll be in his yard one second and in mine the next.<br><br>
The big problem with this is I can't leave the kids unsuporvised for a moment when he's around. With just my daycare kids and dd its no issue to be in the kitchen wich opens out in to the backyard while they are playing. This way I can keep an eye on them and still make snack, clean up from snack what have you. Well when this boy is around I barely blink and something is going wrong. He's knocking kids down or giving them bad ideas. It annoys me to death. He is so disruptive to our day.<br><br>
This boy also drives me and my dh nuts when we are outside while dd is asleep. We do alot outside garden, yard work, etc. and if he's out he will not leave us alone. He is asking a million questions and won't stop. His parents are rarely out there with him and don't pay him much attention when they are. ( ie: Dh was cutting out stumps in our backyard and the boy was asking a million questions. Dh who isn't the best kid person was giving one word annoyed answers... and the kid wasn't getting the fact that he was very busy and didn't have time to entertain him... come to find out neighbor dad was sitting on his porch w/in ear shot and allowed his son to continue to bother dh.) I don't even like to go garden when he's out because I have to field a million questions. Gardening is my child free down time..and he's ruining it!!<br><br>
I usually answer a few questions (which are usually the same questions every single day) and then start to ignore them or go inside...<br><br>
Help how do I deal w/ this? I don't want to be the b***** neighbor but its also not my job to entertian this child. I think his parents feel that since I run a daycare I must like children so its no big deal that he's bothering me all the time. Also I think they are of the idea that "one more" isn't a big deal so they let him come over all the time. I'm not free babysitting!!!!!!!!!!!<br><br>
Sorry this is rambling and long... but I'm so annoyed that I can't have peace and quiet in my own backyard.
 

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Maybe during the daycare hours you can let his mother know that you can't have him over with out her because of laws or something. But it might be time to get a fence. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Can you secure your yard so he can't get in? You could tell his parents that you are only licenced to have a certain # of children/you cannot accept a client so much older than the other children so they will have to find another childcare provider<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> /send them a bill for all the time he has spent with your daycare kids so far <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">: . You and your dh could wear headsets and tell the boy that you are relaxing with your music and cannot speak with him right now.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>stellimamo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960142"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Help how do I deal w/ this? I don't want to be the b***** neighbor but its also not my job to entertian this child. I think his parents feel that since I run a daycare I must like children so its no big deal that he's bothering me all the time. Also I think they are of the idea that "one more" isn't a big deal so they let him come over all the time. I'm not free babysitting!</div>
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You must be speak to your neighbor and be firm. Tell her you run a fulltime daycare. Tell her you can't watch over her son while you're working. Let her know that if her son appears in your yard, you will send him home. You have your hands full and can't take on any more responsiblity.
 

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Wow, that sounds so frustrating. Have you talked to the boy's parents? It seems like they're taking advantage of you as a free babysitter, but perhaps they're under the mistaken impression that you're inviting him over?<br><br>
After you discuss it with his parents, if they continue to let him bug you I'd recommend you start billing them. You're not providing daycare for free to your other parents, so they shouldn't expect to get it for free either.
 

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I understand about the asking a million questions. I have stopped going out to work on my flowers when the neighour kid is outside (which lately is ALL THE TIME). I can't even go grab the mail without her jumping in.<br><br>
It is a rule in my house that kids can not come over to play until 3. We homeschool and I just call before 3 "school time" (even though we mostly un-school) All the neighbor kids know this. But ever time I poke my head outside it is "Mrs. Candice, can I come over." "oh their doing school work" "What are you doing?" "is it 3 o'clock yet" "what kid is that flower" "can I come over yet" "what'ya doing?" "can I come over at 3?" "what'ca doing?"<br><br>
I too find working in my flower garden a few minutes of kid free sanity and this neighbour has taken that away.<br><br><br>
Don't mean to highjack, just wanted to share your vent,
 

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we had this problem a couple of weeks ago...neighbors wanting to bring their 4 year old, 2 year old and dog over to *play* with our dog whenever dh and I were outside...they actually told us they would look for us out of their kitchen window. They were coming over like every day. It was AWFUL.<br><br>
My dh was finally rude to them because they weren't taking polite "no thank yous" for answers to their requests for coming into our backyard OR taking our dog home with them...(is that weird, or what?)<br><br>
I told my dh I didn't want the neighbors to think we are a**es, but guess what...I am pretty sure they think we are big jerks now, but they don't come over anymore.<br><br>
sometimes it's allright to be a b****. In fact, it can be a good thing.<br><br>
be honest with these people and tell them what you want to happen. If they're pi**ed off, who cares.<br><br>
Good luck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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1. Talk with the parents<br>
2. Tell them if they need daycare you can recommend a facility<br>
3. Put up a fence<br>
4. Every time he shows up, "You may not be here right now. Please go home."
 

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We have the same situation. I just send the child home. I tell her she has to leave right now but that she can come back tomorrow. She doesn't like it but I insist. It is easier for me, though, because she violates my rules so I have a good excuse to ask her to leave. (She threatens my dds - if you don't do X, I won't be your friend anymore.) I think it is hard when you do childcare for a living, because uninvited children (especially ones with behavioral issues) can feel like you are working for free.<br><br>
I am not looking forward to the summer when we set up a splash pool.
 

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A little honesty should work - "Gardening is my kid-free time. I don't want to answer your questions. Please go back to your yard." and "It's daycare time, you will need to go home."
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ThreeBeans</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965381"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">4. Every time he shows up, "You may not be here right now. Please go home."</div>
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This made me so sad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> .<br><br>
Can you just establish some clear boundaries and expectations with him, so that he does experience some social contact and friendship (sounds like he doesn't get much at home) but still protect your own time and your own family's needs?<br><br>
Like maybe tell him "Johnny, come on over, we're glad to see you. You may stay and play for 45 minutes." Then stay out there and interact with him so he's getting some attention. At 45 minutes say "Okay Johnny, thank you for coming over. You need to head on home now. You can come back tomorrow to play." And stick to it completely. Enlist the help of his parents if needed.<br><br>
It sounds like that whole family is a bit clueless.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Apricot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965474"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">A little honesty should work - "Gardening is my kid-free time. I don't want to answer your questions. Please go back to your yard." and "It's daycare time, you will need to go home."</div>
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yes, to that idea. kids are fine with normal, direct boundaries. in fact they often have a hard time "reading" adults since kids tend to think they themselves are the center of the universe---so i think very direct and simple will do the trick. its not mean to be honest if you are doing it with a kind tone. you can also tell him you need playtime to be plannede in advance because sometimes you just need to concentrate on garden work when you are outside.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>blessed</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965562"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This made me so sad <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> .<br><br>
Can you just establish some clear boundaries and expectations with him, so that he does experience some social contact and friendship (sounds like he doesn't get much at home) but still protect your own time and your own family's needs?<br><br>
Like maybe tell him "Johnny, come on over, we're glad to see you. You may stay and play for 45 minutes." Then stay out there and interact with him so he's getting some attention. At 45 minutes say "Okay Johnny, thank you for coming over. You need to head on home now. You can come back tomorrow to play." And stick to it completely. Enlist the help of his parents if needed.<br><br>
It sounds like that whole family is a bit clueless.</div>
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45 minutes???OMG i think it sounds like this family doesnt really want to give this boy 45 minutes of thier own free adult time to him. i would say 10, if anything. but sending him home isnt mean. your kid isnt even close in age to him. i think you shoudl tell them you like kids but your children are not similar enough in ages to be pals, and that when you use garden time as relaxation kid free time and you would appreciate help from them in getting thier son not to intterupt it. some people expect YOU to set the limit on thier kid if he is bothering you. so if you are just politely answering, even with short answers, they might assume you arent that bothered and that the kid is welcome. so its just simply time to be really direct with them about what you need.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Manena</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960292"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You must be speak to your neighbor and be firm. Tell her you run a fulltime daycare. Tell her you can't watch over her son while you're working. Let her know that if her son appears in your yard, you will send him home. You have your hands full and can't take on any more responsiblity.</div>
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And tell her your prices!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Thank you everyone for responses. I think I'm just going to have to be very direct w/ his parents and him. I like the Ipod/music idea to. I'm going to have to try it. Though he has already shown us he doesn't mind yelling over loud things (dh's chainsaw) to be heard.<br><br>
We are the new neighbors so I'm trying to not rock the boat but I feel like I've been somewhat trampled on.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Time to build a fence, and I'm sure you could write it off on your taxes as a business related expense.</td>
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Have one.. he just jumps it. I have thought about a privacy fence but in our small yard it seems like it would be over whelming...<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">45 minutes???OMG i think it sounds like this family doesnt really want to give this boy 45 minutes of thier own free adult time to him. i would say 10, if anything. but sending him home isnt mean. your kid isnt even close in age to him. i think you shoudl tell them you like kids but your children are not similar enough in ages to be pals, and that when you use garden time as relaxation kid free time and you would appreciate help from them in getting thier son not to intterupt it. some people expect YOU to set the limit on thier kid if he is bothering you. so if you are just politely answering, even with short answers, they might assume you arent that bothered and that the kid is welcome. so its just simply time to be really direct with them about what you need.</td>
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I really think the biggest issue for me is that his parents ignore him and his behavior. They show very little intrest in interacting with him, and its almost like they see me out w/ my kids and figure.."well she's already playing with her kids so "B" can go over there and she'll do our job for us". I truely feel sorry for him because he is lonely but I feel by me letting him come over and interacting w/ him I'm letting them off the hook.<br>
I also feel that since our children are not even close in age at all (he wants to come over an play when its just dd who isn't quite 2) that he has really no buisness playing w/ her and she has no intrest in playing with him. I think he's more intrested in playing with our toys since he has very few outdoor toys.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>stellimamo</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966783"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Though he has already shown us he doesn't mind yelling over loud things (dh's chainsaw) to be heard.<br><br>
...<br><br>
I really think the biggest issue for me is that his parents ignore him and his behavior.</div>
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These two sentences make me think a taller fence and setting verbal boundaries are both a good idea. A kid near a chainsaw ignoring it scares me.
 

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I don't think it's mean to send him home. He sounds like he doesn't understand subtlety, so it's best to use few words and make your point simply and politely.<br><br>
The mama has a LEGAL responsibility to the safety of the children in her care. If he hurts them, it is HER butt and HER job. She needs to keep those kids safe.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>laralou</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965469"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
I am not looking forward to the summer when we set up a splash pool.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> ditto! We have a semi larg yard fully fenced in (front and back) The neighbour kids seem to love it here. I think it is just because we are poilite to them and treat them like people. But it get anoying. I get so tired of answering the door "not today" and have them come back 2 hours later "not today!"<br><br>
And the little girl that always chats my ear off has two older siblings that come over. One is 12. I really don't think she is interested in playing with my 8,6 and 4 year old. She just want to use our yard to play in. Last summer it was the tree in the front, she was obsessed with climbing it. I climbed trees growing up so I know how fun it is but this is California, home of the "lets just sue them" We finally had to tell them to stop. Oh....and once we came home from the store and about 5 kids were in our tree. They jumped our fence to climb it. They knew they were busted and took off fast when we pulled up.<br><br>
We are saving up to buy a swingset and keep changing our minds as to which one. The ones with a play house on top would be fantastoic. BUT we feel like we need to keep an eye on the neighbour kids when they are here and the playhouse would be too hard for us to keep an eye on them. It sucks that we have to base what we do/buy for our family on outside people.
 

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I agree with the others about him needing to leave you alone during the daycare hours. I would just go straight to the parents and tell them from such and such time you have your hands full and really can't handle watching another kid. I work at a school, so I totally understand the million questions thing! It sounds like he is really lonely, and his parents arn't good at entertaining him. And you are the cool neighbors that he just wants to be with. Maybe if you put him to work doing stuff he wouldn't talk so much. An 8year old is totally capable of weeding a garden! Kids that age love to be helpful too. Even if it is something uneccesary..Have him roll up the hose for you and stick it back on the rack when you are done watering. I think I would give a time limit too. After he gets tired of weeding, or whatever else you have him doing, and he starts talking, tell him that it is time for you relax and he needs to go home until tomorrow. Good luck!
 

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I think you are going to have to be direct with the parents. I don't see it as your responsibility to entertain their child. Yes, its sad that his parents ignore him. But its not necessarily your job to make up for it. Poor you and poor kid -- its just an all-around bad situation.
 
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