[srneda78]

I posted last Thursday about the fact that my mw did not show up at the time we scheduled. She also didn't call. She was attending a birth and had not taken my number with her. I called her that evening and she apologized and we rescheduled for this morning.

At about an hour after my appointment time this morning, I called her and she answered. She did not write the appointment down in her appointment book and had forgotten. (I think she was still at the birth when we made the appointment). She said, "Oh, no, you must think I'm a complete ditz." I didn't respond, but yeah, that's what I'm thinking! It's starting to worry me.

I really like her and have faith in her ability to attend my birth. But I'm near 35 weeks pregnant and don't have much time to figure much out if I decide to switch providers. At 32 weeks, I switched to her from a hospital birthing center that risked me out due to my weight alone (long story, so dumb).

I am just trying to figure out what to do. I am not really worried about her not being here for the birth (she has missed 1 birth in over 800 homebirths). This is just really annoying and seems unprofessional.

Any suggestions? Anyone with similar experience?

 

[RedPony]

Okay, I'm in MI, too, and my midwife flaked out on me a couple of times. Thankfully, one time was after the birth (she never came for a second postnatal visit and when I called her she said, "Oh, I knew you'd be fine!" which isn't particularly helpful to a new mom). But, she did go on vaca while I was pg with my first daugher, left a back up midwife/number, this person was supposed to call me during that time, and never did. Explanation? "She must have forgot."

So yeah. I feel ya. If you like and have faith in her, I'd say you're still okay. Good midwives are hard to find!

I would talk to her (as hard as that is), explain how you feel, and how uncomfortable it's made you.

Good luck!

 

[Cherry Alive]

Again? Bummer!

At this point, you may want to talk to her (nicely but assertively) about your concerns, and gage her reaction.

If you are uncomfortable with what she's doing, maybe it wouldn't hurt to interview a couple more midwives. You wouldn't have to necessarily leave her, but if she continues to be a no show, you'd have a backup plan if you needed to switch to someone new.

 

[kailotus]

This doesn't sound cool to me! Start interviewing some other midwives ( I might be in a bit of a bad mood today, so I am sorry if I sound harsh). The relationship you build with your midwife during your pregnancy directly affects the experience/outcome of your birth. If you don't feel that your midwife is like a rock, someone you could trust with your life, then don't use her.

 

[mwherbs]

her reasons sound reasonable to me- and if she is a very busy midwive doubly so. I have spaced things out myself at times- especially if I am at a long birth or a couple of births back to back and then add in a personal life... in any case I think you should talk it over with her and let her know how it makes you feel-- she did ask and you had the opportunity to speak up-- I think you should have,I know that women often try to avoid what the may perceive as conflict but at this point you have a misunderstanding with your midwife and you don't completely trust her-- there are some things she may need to figure out like having a phone service- or have partners who will take call at times so she can be off- also how to manage the inevitable missing appointments- there are different ways to solve a problem like this but she has to really be aware that it is a problem-- I have been around midwives who are chronically late or miss appointments often they are over booked but I have also seen that almost no one complains or they don't complain in a clear way so that the mw knows, this is really a problem they should address and find a way to fix.
I have no way of knowing if this mw is a flake, a drug addict, busy, well intentioned overextended , burning out or what- the only thing I can do is encourage clear. direct communication-
take care

 

[tex.mom]

I agree with the idea of interviewing a few others. A good mw will take you on at 35 weeks no problem if you are in a situation where you're needing someone. It's hard to imagine someone so flakey could be totally trustworthy when it's go-time. My doula with my first birth was horrible about making appt.'s and/or calling, and it never occured to me it would be a real problem. But she showed up kinda late to the birth for this reason and that (always had an excuse), left a little too early IMO, was flippant about returning my calls after, and never showed up for our final postpartum meeting. I liked her personally, but after that I consider initial flakiness a red flag.

 

[Mommyintraining2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mwherbs her reasons sound reasonable to me- and if she is a very busy midwive doubly so. I have spaced things out myself at times- especially if I am at a long birth or a couple of births back to back and then add in a personal life... in any case I think you should talk it over with her and let her know how it makes you feel-- she did ask and you had the opportunity to speak up-- I think you should have,I know that women often try to avoid what the may perceive as conflict but at this point you have a misunderstanding with your midwife and you don't completely trust her-- there are some things she may need to figure out like having a phone service- or have partners who will take call at times so she can be off- also how to manage the inevitable missing appointments- there are different ways to solve a problem like this but she has to really be aware that it is a problem-- I have been around midwives who are chronically late or miss appointments often they are over booked but I have also seen that almost no one complains or they don't complain in a clear way so that the mw knows, this is really a problem they should address and find a way to fix. I have no way of knowing if this mw is a flake, a drug addict, busy, well intentioned overextended , burning out or what- the only thing I can do is encourage clear. direct communication- take care

I tend to agree with this point of view. If she is someone you really like, I would probably give her another chance, since her reasons seem valid to me. But I also agree that clear, direct communication would be important, for your own peace of mind as well as letting her know to take you seriously. She may even give you top priority if she feels bad enough about the whole thing.

 

[nashvillemidwife]

I would give her another chance, but only after being clear with her about your feelings. Her behavior may not be a reflection of her competency, but she's not treating you with any professionalism or respect for your time. I would say "no, I don't think you're a ditz, but I am disappointed and frustrated with the situation and concerned about whether or not this kind of confusion is going to continue".

 

[nashvillemidwife]

OP, did I understand from reading another thread that you have left this midwife (I don't blame you)? I'm just curious to know what you decided to tell her and how that played out. What are your plans now?

 

[Lexi_029]

I would be really upset about that, especially seeing that you are 35 weeks. I'd be looking for a new midwife myself... once is understandable, twice is not.

 

[TefferTWH]

I think given the situation with the birthing center from your previous thread, I would be very clear with her that you need her support. I would also ask around on the FYT board for another rec in case this just isn't going to work out. If she flakes during the birth, you don't want to end up in that hospital with the way things went down with the OB.

 

[organic-mama]

I would start looking for a new MW. I'm sorry, but she seems very unprofessional and I wouldn't want to deal with someone like that. Remember, you are paying her, she's not paying you. Most importantly, what about the health of you and the baby?

 

[MI_Dawn]

I just posted to your last post about this actually... my guess is this is just, as someone else said, a "midwife in flux." She's getting used to her new routines, etc... and if she was a REAL flake, she wouldn't have worried about you thinking she was a flake, kwim?

Talk to her. Communication is key.