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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Okay, so you were all SO helpful in answering my last question, that I thought I would post my other big concern...as you can see I am starting tho think very seriously about homeschooling but still have a few selfish kinks to worh though!<br><br>
My daughter is what one might call high needs or spirited...most days she literally exhausts me by bed time. She is in every sence of the word active, adventurous and on the go...lots of fun but <span style="text-decoration:underline;">lots</span> of work!<br><br>
I won't lie and say there are not many days I think...only a few more years and she will be in school part of the day. I dream about that time and using it to clean the bathroom with out little hands (I never said they were exciting dreams<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">) or take up a hobby of my own. Even just being able to sit down and eat lunch with out hurrying or pee by myself...right now these are all just pipe dreams!<br><br>
I always saw myself as the class mom and PTA president, volunteering in the classroom and being involved...but what I am realizing is I don't really want school for her...but I don't want loose that dream of a little alone time.<br><br>
Is it horrible that I don't dream of spending all day every day with her, and eventually my son also? Did anyone else feel this tug to be with there child, but to also have some time without their child?<br><br>
As she gets older do you think this will change?
 

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In that situation, I'd recommend looking for a college student to babysit, maybe to take them out to the park or on field trips so you can have time to yourself. I know that a lot of universities have a bulletin board where you can post that you're looking for a sitter. Or you could find another sahm who they could hang out with a day a week to give you that day.<br><br>
There's nothing wrong at all with wanting time to yourself. I think all parents do. But you can find ways to get that time without having to send them to school.
 

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I missed how old your children are, but I can tell you that ITA with your concerns about me time.<br><br>
I have friends who are SAHM...their kids go to school and I am like WHAT DO YOU DO WITH YOUR TIME???? JEALOUS! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
As the kids gets older, they do get more involved in their work. I am very careful even at this age to call what they are doing "work," and to teach them to respect each other's space while the other is working. This lesson does extend to me as well. The children are being taught to respect my space when I need it, to pay bills or whatnot.<br><br>
In all honesty the only totally frivolous me time I get is when dh is home or they are all asleep. You can certainly hire someone in for that, and I have justified the expense in my mind...public school is very certainly NOT "free," and those funds are now at my discretion to spend how I will. I haven't done this yet, but I think it's a good idea. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Happy mom = happy children. You do what you need to in the flow of the day to make sure everyone's needs are met, including yours.
 

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I was just talking about this with some other homeschooling moms. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> We often get comments from parents like, "oh, I don't know how you do it!" The thing is, they are remembering how it was to be at home all day with <i>young children</i>. They assume that it stays that way. It doesn't -- kids just naturally become more independant. They go off and do their own things, they don't want to be hanging on you all the time, or have you hanging over them.<br><br>
In addition, these parents are also having to deal with the stresses of school -- the hassle of getting everybody going in the morning, tired, grouchy kids coming home just when you are trying to get things ready for dinner, and then the homework. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> They assume also that evenings are stressful in the same way in all households. Again, not true. Our day flows smoothly from day into evening when we don't have to deal with outside demands.<br><br>
Your concern about alone time is totally valid, though! Some people need more and some less. But I suspect it's important for everyone, even homeschooling moms. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> I usually go grocery shopping by myself, sometimes in the evening, and on the weekends I take a couple of chunks of 3-4 hours for myself. I could probably use a little more, but it is increasing more and more as the kids get older. My being patient about that is (for me) just one of the small prices to pay for all the cool things about homeschooling. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you for the replies.<br><br>
I should have added that my kids are 3 and 15 months.<br><br>
Fourlittlebirds, you make a valid point about my perception being that of a SAHM of 2 young ones. It sounds like you know from experience that it changes as they grow older. That is something to keep in mind!
 

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My kids turned four and three last month. They both made big congnitive leaps right around their birthdays. Even only one month into four and three I can see that it is going to be A LOT easier than three and two was. I'm amazed at how grown-up my four year old has become, almost overnight. And as he is a) most likely almost ready to turn four, even though his official age is 37 months and b) desperate to be just like my daughter, my son has also started acting much more grown up in the last month. They get their own snacks. They put on their own jammies. They get their own cups of water. Their creative play has taken off to such an extent that, very occasionally, I find my self sitting on the couch thinking, "Ok, um, what should I do now?" because the chores on my list are done and the kids don't need me! I'm able to reason a bit more with them.<br><br>
It does get easier as they get older.<br><br>
Of course, Desta will be here in April/May, and she's 11 and doesn't really speak English and I will be homeschooling her, so that will be a whole new ball of wax ...<br><br>
Namaste!
 

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You just have to make time for yourself. You need to let your dh know that you need a break every now and then.<br><br>
I also try and do grocery shopping by myself. I have time in the evenings to myself. A few times a month I go out for a few hours alone (sometimes a Sat afternoon or in an evening for a meeting).
 

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This was a HUGE concern of mine. However, I am finding that my ds (6 yo when I pulled him from 1st grade) will play alone for several hours on end-- building legos, looking at the legos catalog, watching PBS documentaries, playing outside, playing with his sister. My dd is 3.5, she still requires a lot of interactions from me, however, she and her brother usually play for several chunks of an hour or more each day (without any intervention from me!) I can usually calmly make dinner, get laundry done and get some computer time and personal reading time.<br><br>
I also have hired a college student so I can go swim laps by myself. I can do this in the evening when dh is home but it is nice to go when I am not so tired.<br><br>
The big thing for me is shopping. It is a total irritation to take both kids shopping (they get bored and then start getting rowdy with each other). We are managing grocery shopping, but if I want to get new shoes, for example, I have to go in the evenings or weekend. I am imagining though as we meet more homeschoolers, maybe I can set up some trades. Also, there will be a time that my kids can stay home by themselves...I don't know when, but this I use to entice myself <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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These are very good questions. This is a very real issue and you should plan to address it. It is obviously harder to get that alone time that you need when you homeschool. I recently posted a question about putting my kids in school to get a desperately needed break. I ended up deciding not to do it and now wonder how I am going to last. (This is my 6th year homeschooling but my kids have been with me since birth.) I have 10 years to go.<br>
You take what you can get. I know one mom whose parents take her kids for an annual 1 week vacation every year. Others have grandparents sit once a week. Some areas have "homeschools" where the kids attend school 2 to 3 days a week and the parent homeschools the other days. Some get babysitters, mothers helpers, or trade overnights and babysitting with other homeschool mom's. I always utilized local homeschool classes until money got tight. I think cutting that out is what has made it harder lately.<br>
My oldest is the high spirited one. He has gotten easier through the years. I believe that is true for most high spirited kids. (Be firm now or you will pay later.) I didn't say he was easy now. He is still my most difficult and drives me crazy... as he is doing this very minute. What makes it harder for me as time goes on is simply the length of time without sufficient breaks. When you ask will it change as she gets older I am not sure if you meant her high spiritedness or your feeling of being tugged. In either case the answer is yes. I find as my kids get older and more independent I don't feel the need to be with them as much.
 

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I have my days when I think that maybe I should put them back in school. I could do _____, _____, and/or _____. I just can't do it, though. I just don't believe in a PS for them. It is more important to us that they are not in PS (Dh always reminds me that HSing is better for them whenever I get in my funks and think of PS.), but that doesn't mean it would be wrong if someone else didn't feel as strongly and preferred that their kid(s) be in school. It's just not for us.<br><br>
I do have to agree that as they get older, they get sooo much more independent and are not under your feet all the time...or really much at all most days. I get a lot of alone time and time to clean now that my youngest is 3.5 and disappears for hours at a time playing by herself or w/ her sisters.<br><br>
When the time comes, follow your intuition. As long as you are open minded, you will figure out the best fit for your family.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AbigailsMomSarah</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I should have added that my kids are 3 and 15 months.<br></div>
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Well, as others have said, age is the key. They obviously won't be little forever and as they get more independent it'll get easier. Until then, a mother's helper or trading childcare with another hsing mom (ie: playdates!) will give you a break. I'd also carve out some time either after the kids went to sleep or before they got up, when they were little.<br><br>
When they get a little older, they'll be able to entertain themselves, or each other and you'll be able to read, or pee or whatever in peace. Once they're out of that toddler/preschool age, I could have "time to myself" even though I was with them. (Does that make sense?) An example: with a 15 month old, I might not be able to sit down and knit because she'd be grabbing yarn, or toddeling off getting into things, BUT fast forward a couple of years, and she's sitting on the floor playing with blocks or looking at a book and understands when I ask her not to pull on the yarn.<br><br>
And, if your kids get involved in community stuff--dance class? music lessons? whatever...that buys you some time. When mine were that little, it was hard to imagine a less intense time, but (you've probably never heard this one before <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"> ) "the time goes so fast." It really won't be long before you don't have to follow them around and watch their every move.
 

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Start your own or get actively involved in a homeschool group! It will be even better than PTA! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Many "older" homeschooled children will work as a parent's helper in your home while you're there to give you a break too. And definitely give your dh time with the kids, at least when they're older and don't need constant mama milk! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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my children have 2 hours of quiet time every day. in thier room alone. them learning to spend 2 hours entertaining themselves, reading to themselves, cleaning thier room whatever was something they had to learn. Something just as important as reading or math. They can now entertain themselves and i think that is a valuble skill. I started teaching them from a young age (about the time they stopped napping) and they have only rarely balked. its just what is done. we start with a short amount of time, like 15 minutes, and gradually build up from there. i get my break. they get some time to either recharge or stretch themselves (i have a mix of introverts and extroverts - diferent skills are bing learned and different character traits are being developed by each)<br><br>
Also my friends and I swap occaisionally so that we can have a real day off. there is also a private school which has a homescholer drop off program. you can drop off your kid, with thier books and all the teaching and everything will be done by them. there are all sorts of options for finding time to, you know . . wash thier clothes . . .scrup thier toilet . .. all those fun things . . .
 

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I'm very grateful to find this thread as I was about to start one of my own!<br><br>
Although I'd long been interested in homeschooling, ds1 went to preschool this year, largely because his little brother was born last June and I didn't think I could handle that without some regular breaks during the week. That part has worked out well, but for reasons too numerous to mention here we've decided to start homeschooling after this school year ends. Ds1 is also very spirited and is a lot of work -- a wonderful boy, but wearing. In addition, he needs a lot of social contact, more than I do.<br><br>
And I need some space, every day, or I start going bananas really quickly.<br><br>
Keep the ideas coming! I'd already decided that instituting some quiet alone time was a good idea, but it's nice to hear that it actually works <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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My kids have quiet time. It's also known as nap time, but my oldest sometimes doesn't nap. She still knows she needs to be in her room and relatively quiet until I tell her she can come out, which is usually after 1 1/2 to 2 hours, depending on my needs and our schedule. Even after Desta (11) gets here, we will continue with quiet/nap time for everyone.<br><br>
Namaste!
 

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I came here to ask the same question!!! now off to read all the replies <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">:
 
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