Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,303 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I try really, really hard not to be judgemental about other people's parenting/ caregiving. Mostly I succeed. But today I was shocked and just wanted to vent for a minute.

My 3 yr old is taking a gymnastics class at the Little Gym. We love it. It's structured, but nobody cares if the kids don't do what they are supposed to do/ run around, etc. It's fun, imaginative, relaxed, noncompetitive, etc. Good times.

A new little girl came today, with her grandmother. She was terrified. Even in the waiting area before class, you could tell she was scared. Grandma kept going on and on about how silly it was that she was scared, that she'd done other gym classes before. But she was sent in and totally melted down. Sitting in the corner and sobbing. Really looked scared. Grandmother went in and talked to her, coaches talked to her, etc. Finally Grandmother picked her up, yelled at her that "she was GOING to participate" and spanked her! In front of all the kids and the parents waiting/ watching. Came out and said that sometimes "she just had to hit her to startle her out of a fit." Okay, I guess there is a rationale there. A bad one, but a rationale. And the girl did participate. But it was so horrible. I didn't know what to say, and I said nothing.
: I just couldn't believe someone would hit a kid because she was scared.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
558 Posts
To embarrass and humiliate the child in front of all these kids who she is JUST meeting... I really feel for that child. I hope she finds another way to shock her into performing, with maybe a big kiss and an "I LOVE YOU!"

:

VF
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
563 Posts
I would of been mortified and then went and comforted the little girl (and probably said something snarky to idiot gma). You don't hit a child because they are scared!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
I would reccomend the book "1,2,3 Magic" even if you yourself are opposed to all forms of imposed consequences - since it tends to get results (cooperativeness, less testing behavior), I think it helps results orientated parents. Plus it trains you to not overreact to stuff.

I'm having a hard time imaging why it would ever be neccesary to force such a little girl to participate in this type of activity.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,732 Posts
Grandmothers and they're old school ways. If she'd had a stick would the child have been whipped? Ugh...
My 3 yr old daughter completely melts down of embarassment if we even tell her that some kind of behaviour is not ok in front of other people.

What the hell is wrong with some people? Play should be FUN!!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,303 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks! The 1-2-3 Magic parenting book is a good suggestion. If I see her again and have the opportunity, I will recommend it. I like 1 2 3 Magic and have used techniques from it at different times. The scary thing is, I'm not hard core GD here, but I was just totally shocked. I gasped and said something like, "Don't hit the child for being scared!" But Grandma was inside the gym at the time and I was outside, so she couldn't have heard it. I use time outs on occasion and such myself. But sheesh, not for being scared! It's supposed to be fun; if the kid isn't having fun then you just go home. I do encourage my dd to go back in if she comes out, because she likes it and doesn't have a good sense of time/ that it will be over soon. And there is the whole 'I paid for it so I'd rather not waste it.' I can understand Grandma's frustration, but this wasn't even a child who was just wandering aimlessly out to check and see what her brother was doing. She was scared and didn't know the environment. I think Anna watched for the first three classes before she started joining in. It was just such a surreal thing to me: you are crying and not participating, so I'll hit you. Just don't follow that logic. Is it supposed to make her like gymnastics more?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
950 Posts
That just breaks my heart to hear that. It makes me so sad to think about the issues that little girl will have to deal with when she gets older. Hopefully grandma has a trust fund set up for the girls therapy!

I hate to judge other parents too, but sometimes things are just too horrible to be able to overlook, not matter what the situation.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,695 Posts
Oi..I had a good one yesterday too. I was sitting on a bench with dd outside of the riocan centre nursing the baby when a mother came by with her 2-3 year old little guy screeching at him about how he said he needed to use the bathroom and she was trying to get something done at the bank (apparently the bank wouldn't let the kid use their bathroom
The little guy noticed dd playing with a beetle she found..which made him suddenly decide he didn't need to use the bathroom, which ticked his mother off even more. I gave the mother a smile and said "One of those days, is it?" and she chatted for a minute about how she had to go in for dental surgery in the afternoon and was trying to get a bunch of things gone..etc etc. We all know how it goes. I felt sorry for the mom..sounded like she didn't have any help at all. And the poor kid, I wouldn't want to use the bathroom either if I got yelled at every time I needed to in public. But his mom seemed really nice, just totally stressed out.

..The weird part was, after they found a place for the kid to use the bathroom, she came out and stopped by us again and said "Are you guys okay? Do you need money or anything?"...Now, I don't think I managed to get my hair brushed before leaving the house yesterday, but I hope I don't look that hard done by. I was telling SO about it later and he said I should have saw how much I could get from her
Now I'm seriously wondering if my kids and I look like a bunch of bums. But both of them were wearing brand new outfits yesterday..from a pretty expensive store. I just don't get it.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
17,826 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by maliceinwonderland View Post
Oi..I had a good one yesterday too. I was sitting on a bench with dd outside of the riocan centre nursing the baby when a mother came by with her 2-3 year old little guy screeching at him about how he said he needed to use the bathroom and she was trying to get something done at the bank (apparently the bank wouldn't let the kid use their bathroom
The little guy noticed dd playing with a beetle she found..which made him suddenly decide he didn't need to use the bathroom, which ticked his mother off even more. I gave the mother a smile and said "One of those days, is it?" and she chatted for a minute about how she had to go in for dental surgery in the afternoon and was trying to get a bunch of things gone..etc etc. We all know how it goes. I felt sorry for the mom..sounded like she didn't have any help at all. And the poor kid, I wouldn't want to use the bathroom either if I got yelled at every time I needed to in public. But his mom seemed really nice, just totally stressed out.

..The weird part was, after they found a place for the kid to use the bathroom, she came out and stopped by us again and said "Are you guys okay? Do you need money or anything?"...Now, I don't think I managed to get my hair brushed before leaving the house yesterday, but I hope I don't look that hard done by. I was telling SO about it later and he said I should have saw how much I could get from her
Now I'm seriously wondering if my kids and I look like a bunch of bums. But both of them were wearing brand new outfits yesterday..from a pretty expensive store. I just don't get it.
I sorry, but that just made me LMAO! Maybe she thought that your dd didn't have any toys so she had to play with the beetle.
But in all honesty, she probably was just trying to be nice. Why she thought you were down on your luck, who knows.
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
5,868 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by maliceinwonderland View Post

..The weird part was, after they found a place for the kid to use the bathroom, she came out and stopped by us again and said "Are you guys okay? Do you need money or anything?"...Now, I don't think I managed to get my hair brushed before leaving the house yesterday, but I hope I don't look that hard done by. I was telling SO about it later and he said I should have saw how much I could get from her
Now I'm seriously wondering if my kids and I look like a bunch of bums. But both of them were wearing brand new outfits yesterday..from a pretty expensive store. I just don't get it.
Omg, I would have died
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Terabith View Post
It was just such a surreal thing to me: you are crying and not participating, so I'll hit you. Just don't follow that logic. Is it supposed to make her like gymnastics more?
Even in strict behaviorist terms, it makes no sense. I wouldn't treat my horses that way! - hmmm, actually people do try to do that - horse won't go by something it's scared of, so let's just whip him. Alot of those people end up on their butts
Hmm... so the tactic is make child more scared of me than she is of particpating. Just the relationship I would want to foster.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
18 Posts
I wouldn't recommend a book to her- I think its kind of holier than though, IMO - I know we know its wrong to hit a kid like that b/c she's scared, but to approach someone you dont' know and recommend someothing is pretty much saying, "i know better than you. I'm smarter, and you need to be like me". I'd be ticked if some stranger said, "Here's a book you need to use". Then again, I am 100% against unsolicited advice in general LOL I'd just quietly and anonymously report the incident to the management at the gym.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,628 Posts
Yikes, that poor little girl. I wonder if the parents know that grandma spanks her?

I teach preschool gymnastics classes and I once had a parent loudly threaten a child with a spanking if they wouldn't join the class (the way people do when they want to demonstrate to the people around them that they are strict, ykwim?) I actually told the parent loudly enough for the other parents and children to hear that there is no hitting at gymnastics - being a noncontact sport we con't let the kids hit each other so the grown-ups can't either. He sat down and the child immediately came with me
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,132 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by maliceinwonderland View Post
Oi..I had a good one yesterday too. I was sitting on a bench with dd outside of the riocan centre nursing the baby when a mother came by with her 2-3 year old little guy screeching at him about how he said he needed to use the bathroom and she was trying to get something done at the bank (apparently the bank wouldn't let the kid use their bathroom


..The weird part was, after they found a place for the kid to use the bathroom, she came out and stopped by us again and said "Are you guys okay? Do you need money or anything?"...Now, I don't think I managed to get my hair brushed before leaving the house yesterday, but I hope I don't look that hard done by. I was telling SO about it later and he said I should have saw how much I could get from her
Now I'm seriously wondering if my kids and I look like a bunch of bums. But both of them were wearing brand new outfits yesterday..from a pretty expensive store. I just don't get it.
OBVIOUSLY, if you are nursing in public, there are 2 things wrong with you: 1) you can't afford formula and 2) you don't have the brains/means to get aff the street to do something so vulgar.

(and obviously, I am being extremely sarcastic).
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top