I heard that there is a high divorce rate among couples with a special needs kid and my marriage seems to be bearing that out. True, it's always been a difficult marriage, but the stress of having to care for our severely disabled daughter has brought it to breaking point. We went to see a divorce mediator today. Seems we're getting a divorce. And I'm handing complete custody of her over to my husband. I don't want to take care of her anymore. The other night's zillionth visit to the emergency room with her till 2am confirmed this for me. I can't do this anymore. Certainly this is not the primary reason we're getting divorced, but for me, it's one of the most important reasons.
Another statistic of high divorce rate among SN families
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I can believe that statistic. My dh and I are probably more distant now than ever before in some ways because of our dds' special needs. It's so stressful. You spend all your energy caring for the child and figure the adults can care for themselves. No babysitters, no breaks, no sleep. My dh offered the other day to get an apt. and take Nitara with him so I could get a break. This was a period of 4 days where she was vomiting so much that she went through 19 outfit changes. Yes I counted.
So does your dh work full time and will your dd be cared for by a sitter or a nurse or someone? If that's the case, maybe you can just ask for a home health nurse to come over so you can get a break. You might qualify for services through insurance, early interervention, or social security.
Darshani
I can totally see how SN kids can affect a marriage. It either destroys it or strengthens it. No where in between. Luckily mine has been strengthened, but it is really difficult and takes a lot out of you. It has taken 8 years for me to be able to say that. We still do have moments where it gets difficult again, but we find that communication is the key.
Hugs to you. I hope things work out for the best for all of you.
Melinda
Hugs to you. I hope things work out for the best for all of you.
Melinda
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979 Posts
Two things...
Firstly, I also can see how this statistic happens. My relationship with DH has been much more strained since DS's diagnosis, we both feel like we're doing the right thing for him but often bicker about what that is. Usually its over dumb stuff, but we're both so stressed that little things can send us over the edge. There's just too little left for your partner at the end of the day.
Secondly, pony, I mean this in the most helpful possible way... but I think you would benefit from some sort of therapy to work through the issues that have arisen around your daughter's illness. Some of your words really indicate that you are blaming your child for her own illness. Obviously we all deal with having a special needs child in different ways, but I'm not sure that blaming the child is the healthiest way to cope.
Before you hand over complete care and custody of your child to your DH, can I suggest taking a respite break to think things over and regain some perspective? If she is that difficult to care for, it doesn't seem fair to put the entire burden on your DH either. Here is a search page for respite services, who will connect you with someone to care for your child while you take a needed break: http://www.respitelocator.org/locato...searchpage.htm
Good luck to you. And to all of us.
Firstly, I also can see how this statistic happens. My relationship with DH has been much more strained since DS's diagnosis, we both feel like we're doing the right thing for him but often bicker about what that is. Usually its over dumb stuff, but we're both so stressed that little things can send us over the edge. There's just too little left for your partner at the end of the day.
Secondly, pony, I mean this in the most helpful possible way... but I think you would benefit from some sort of therapy to work through the issues that have arisen around your daughter's illness. Some of your words really indicate that you are blaming your child for her own illness. Obviously we all deal with having a special needs child in different ways, but I'm not sure that blaming the child is the healthiest way to cope.
Before you hand over complete care and custody of your child to your DH, can I suggest taking a respite break to think things over and regain some perspective? If she is that difficult to care for, it doesn't seem fair to put the entire burden on your DH either. Here is a search page for respite services, who will connect you with someone to care for your child while you take a needed break: http://www.respitelocator.org/locato...searchpage.htm
Good luck to you. And to all of us.
Hi, my hubby & i had alot of hard days & i'm sure many more to come. I do belive the sad statistics about divorce rates. Hubby & i have a 4 yr old son with down syndrome & we have another wammy against us as far as statistics. He is a cop & the combo of the 2 means we should be divorced. It's so stressful sometimes. We went last year to a marriage counselor. It helped. We try very hard everyday to remember eachothers needs & somedays WOW it is HARDER then HARD!! We just try. I am terrified of being alone with my 3 kids. I only hope we can survive.
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