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My DH says he's happy with DD (7 months) sleeping in our bed, he doesn't believe in CIO and so on, but I'm really concerned with what is going to happen once she gets older. He's SOOOOOO mainstream and basically thinks that whatever his parents did is just fine. He has two much younger sisters (14 and 17) and an older sister who has two toddlers, so he sees how all of them are being raised and thinks that whatever is good for them is good for our DD. But here are the problems - his neices are spanked, watch tv AAAAALLLLLL day long (the four year old has her own tv connected to satellite and DVD player in her bedroom - she falls asleep with it on every night!), eat more junk food than I could tolerate my self, etc. His two little sisters have both had TVs in their rooms since they were 8 or 9, they eat all junk food or packaged food and so on.<br><br>
I am by no means the crunchiest person on the block, but I try. I use natural products, I don't eat many packaged goods (besides organic cereal and chips <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/blush.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="blush"> ) I try to buy organic produce and meats and I rarely watch TV, I recycle, I try not to use paper products, etc. I keep telling him that if we encourage DD to have healthy habits when she is young, they will stick with her. But today he told me, "You're never going to let her have any fun! She'll be the weird kid that isn't allowed to do anything." I know my DH and I know he'll make me out to be the bad one, as if caring for her health and well-being is somehow mean. I'm SO pissed off at him.<br><br>
We're going to start marriage counseling soon because we have so many issues. One thing I'm worried about is that our counselor will start giving us parenting advice - saying, "Your marriage won't work out if baby is in bed with you" or some other crap. But really, I'm wondering if anyone here is committed to a totally mainstream partner who disagrees with most of your parenting ideas. How do you handle it? Can you make it work?
 

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Those are some big questions, mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
If a counselor had ignorant opinions such as "you need to get the baby out of your bed" I would find a more educated counselor.<br><br>
As for family bed when baby is older, I would figure out what's best as you go along. Our 3 yo has a bed in our room, and she's very happy. We still have sex, but just have to get creative about where <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Really, a positive attitude between your dh and you so so vital. Keep talking together, you will come up with better courses of action together. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I told dh if he wanted dd out of our bed, he could get her to sleep (without crying), bring her to me to nurse at night and put her back when done. He stopped complaining-dd moved out of our bed after ds2 was born.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:
 

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These really are hard questions. As someone who's BTDT, I think the toughest thing is to have a spouse who goes along with your AP style and then "pulls the plug" later on. My X and I, even though we had a TOTALLY AP lifestyle together, now have WAY different parenting values in our two households.<br><br>
I think one of the primary reasons for our divorce was that he built up a lot of resentment because I was "making all the parenting decisions". That's not really true, he just didn't say anything at the time.<br><br>
Negotiation and education are key. We don't just do these things because they are "cool" or "in vogue". We do these AP things because they WORK and they produce well adjusted, trusting kids who are healthy and better able to learn and prevent illness later. Maybe he just needs the "proof". Is he open to being educated about the results of your parenting decisions now on your kid(s) later in life?<br><br>
Counselling sounds like a great idea. I would go in totally prepared to defend my position (with research, etc) to both the therapist and my dh. If the therapist is a good one, even if he/she doesn't "agree" with you, they will be open to learning.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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Find a counselor who is familiar with AP ideals- they are out there- the couselor I saw was- and I did not even search it out.<br>
Find some good books- try Dr. Sears- discipline book- I am reading that right now- and get him on board now- ...<br>
Dh was beat with a belt when he was a child- and will say that each time he deserved it- tho I feel he really feels differently....<br>
We have decided early on- that we will refrain from spanking unless extremely neccesary and keep each other in check- since we both have hot tempers- and do not feel that it would accomplish too much for us..<br>
AS your child grows- you will see in many ways how your child is responding to your AP ways- my son is only 17 months old- and I have already witnessed some rewards to my AP style...<br>
Story-<br>
the other night a friend dropped her two year old off for a few minutes before his dad picked him up to go to a parade with us...<br>
The boy was upset and missing his mama-<br>
my 17 month old- crawls up to him and tries to share his santa with him-a nd was concerned and sympathetic to the boy being upset!!! It was the sweetest thing watching them work it out together while I facilitated.... they are both being raised AP. Ds and I sat with the boy and consoled him until he was ready to play. I was SO proud.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I told dh if he wanted dd out of our bed, he could get her to sleep (without crying), bring her to me to nurse at night and put her back when done. He stopped complaining</div>
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I told my dh the same thing. Now he loves having K sleep with us. When K falls asleep I put him in the portacrib next to our bed (so I don't have to worry about him falling out of bed while we are in the other room) and when we come to bed dh gets him out of the crib and puts him in bed between us <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> .
 
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