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Another woman nursing my child

1557 Views 24 Replies 21 Participants Last post by  rjruiz_415
Without my persmission! My husband has a girlfriend (we're in the middle of a divorce) and I suspect his girlfriend (who has a newborn) may be nursing my child. My DD is 24 mos old and has some things to say about this situation. Are there any legal ramifications to another woman nursing my child without my permission. I have no idea as to the health status of this woman and my DD has a primary immune deficiency. I'm obviously concerned and very upset.
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I don't know about the legal ramifications but that so oversteps any normal boundaries ...... I'm so sorry you have to deal with this!
Oh my goodness, I don't even know what to say. I would be horrified, livid...

I think you should consult a lawyer about this as soon as possible. I can't even believe your DH would allow such a thing, or that the other woman would do it without consulting you first. Wow.
why would she be nursing your child?
That is horrifying. I would think that would be some kind of illegal? How terrible of her to think thats okay without your permission. HOrrible.
I think we should all be nursing each other's children without any stigmas. However, since it is so far out of most people's idea of what is 'okay' I agree you should have been consulted first. Perhaps your child wanted to comfort nurse after a scrape, or saw the new baby doing it and felt a little jealousy and wanted to be the baby for daddy again. Or, maybe (s)he was just hungry and smelled the milk and rooted and the woman did what instinct dictates. I would think breastmilk could only help with an immune problem (especially from a new mother when the content of breastmilk is highest in helpful antibodis and such), but I do not know anything about them, so I agree if it could cause a problem healthwise, it was not a good idea. Perhaps she is unaware of this? But, from your child's POV, they wanted/needed comfort, food, emotional support and she helped them with that. Sounds to me like she may be pretty cool to have around for your child when (s)he has to visit them. Maybe there is more to this? If your child had to go there for visits, you expect them to feed the child, right? Why is it so different to give them food, depending on what form it takes due to their age? I would be thankful that my child has such a comfort while away from me. I would rest easier knowing there was another lactating female at the other home. In fact, it would allow me to allow visits to a child's father's home without me. As it is now, my dd2 doesn't go anywhere without me, as she is EBF. Now, if you suspect that she is a heroin addict, is taking a prescription MAOI, is on antibiotics, or something of that nature, then it would need to be addressed. Piping in to give my opinion, since it seems to be so different from the other posters. I believe we should be living tribally, with the land and acting as one to raise all the children in our care.
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Ooh, I've always wondered about situations like this. Update when you find something out! Its not illegal to feed a child something without your permission, is it? I don't know if they're going to look at it that way.
I think that we need to be careful here - everyone nursing everyone's kids - this has implications. If the two mothers know each other very well, know their histories, how many sexual partners they have had in the last year, no sexual diseases, no tatoos, permanent makeup or piercings in the last year, then yeah go ahead if BOTH mothers are consenting however, this is not the case here at all and the ramifications could be extensive regarding the health of the child with an immune dificiency - personally I would contact my lawyer and see where the law stands, also your child is 24 months and would be able to vocalise or at least show you with a doll if her step-mother is nursing her or not, you can also give her the tools to say no, explaining to her simply that you find that it's not appropriate how does she feel about it etc. Good luck.

Just FYI - the antibodies etc in mother's milk is the same for a nursing toddler as it is for a newborn - just more concentrated - this is VERY important to remember when nursing beyond infancy.
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In a perfect world free of heavy metal toxicity and disease, everyone nursing everyone's baby might be a good idea. Personally I am extremely uncomfortable with the thought of a strange woman nursing my baby without my consent. Who knows what sort of diet she has, what drugs she is on, what diseases she has? It is a major health concern, especially in a child with immune system issues...

OP, I really hope you'll keep us updated.
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I agree that it's totally out of order but please stop talking about lawyers! Please try and sort this out like mature adults. Why should a lawyer make some money out of your problems? I hate the litigation culture.
The OP is in the middle of a divorce and there could be custody issues at stake. Consulting a lawyer is not litigious, but the only reasonable way to protect herself from her DH (who almost certainly has a lawyer of his own), and to ensure that she doesn't cross any legal lines while trying to keep this strange woman from nursing her child without her consent.
I'd be pissed as well. I sure hope legally she cannot get away with this!
I'd be thankful that my kid could be nursed in both of her homes.

ETA: What does your dd say about it? Was happy, unhappy or neutral about the situation?
I think the main issue at hand is that the mother DID NOT consent or was consulted on this issue. Obviously, she has several health concerns for her DD and the *unknown* other female. And I think we can all agree that nursing is more than just the *food* its about the nurturing,bonding that the mother and child have. And considering the relationship that this other woman may have with the father (girlfriend) and the possibiltiy of its non permanency I feel it is not appropriate because the mother was not consulted.

**IMO I would bring this up with your lawyer. And yes you could get them to legally (at least on paper) stop. As breastmilk is considered a *bodily fluid*

Originally Posted by peainthepod View Post
The OP is in the middle of a divorce and there could be custody issues at stake. Consulting a lawyer is not litigious, but the only reasonable way to protect herself from her DH (who almost certainly has a lawyer of his own), and to ensure that she doesn't cross any legal lines while trying to keep this strange woman from nursing her child without her consent.

i am not opposed to cross nursing, but to do it without permission is absolutely inexcusable.

one thing, though... tread carefully with your DD on this one. you really don't want to make her feel like she did something "nasty" or "bad" or make her feel shameful. this isn't her fault, but i can see it hurting her, even if you don't want it to.
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I don't know how to react to this.

Since DD is 24 months, are we assuming she wanted to nurse? It would be very hard to force a 2 year old to nurse when they didn't want to. Is the newborn your DD's half sibling?

I would definately want to discuss this with STBX & GF, and would inform the lawyer you already have that it is an issue, but try to go in as something to discuss as much as you can (versus something to fight over).

Given that GF is healthy (and happy to provide medical information indicating this) what do you want to happen? How often is DD with STBX and for how long?

I can't imagine how upset you must be. I'm sorry this has been added to an already difficult situation.
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Assuming that she had permission from one of your child's parents then it's not illegal. Unfortunately, in this situation, your XH gets to make decisions for your child while she's with him. Now, you probably could get it stopped because a judge would be icked out by it....BUT the judge might also tell you to wean. I think that if you talk to your attorney about it I'd approach it from the disease angle. I'd find out if there is a way to make her get blood tests and share the results with you, since she shared her bodily fluids with your child.
I'm not sure why you suspect that this woman has been nursing your child. Exactly what did your 2yo say?

I would try to determine just what did or did not happen before getting legal.
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