Oh, I'm so sorry.
Anxiety just makes my life a living hell. That's actually how my PPD presents itself, it's always my warning signal. I struggle with it all the time, but when PPD sets in, it's off the charts. I am on meds for it, and it helps immensely, so i'm able to enjoy my family without the constant fears and worries and OCD-type tics.
It makes sense to me, don't think you're alone. Music also helps calm me, a great deal. One of the best things I can do is put on my ipod and listen to my favorite ballads that slow me down and force me to breathe deeply. Yoga has helped tremendously, I have been doing it at a gym with an amazing childcare facility, so I get an hour to practice yoga in a quiet, dim environment knowing my kids are on the other side of the wall in wonderful hands.
I also find that any kind of exercise helps, because I can cycle or walk or shake some of that stuff off. I mean, when it's the worst, I just look at DH and say, "I gotta get out for about 15 minutes" and I hit the streets and literally just run while I shake my hands and head. I know I look like a crazy person, but it really helps to get the junk out when i physically work on removing it.
Something else random - I learned this for flying anxiety - and you can laugh at me, but I'm telling you anyway. When an anxious thought comes, I close my eyes, try to relax my body and put one of hands facing up like I'm holding a ball, like a softball size. In my mind's eye, I direct the anxious thought or fear into that hand. Almost immediately, there's another thought, and I do the same. If I can spend a few minutes doing that, even while in the middle of cooking dinner, nursing, etc., the thoughts slow down. I picture the thoughts making a ball of energy, like a twisting, spinning, lit ball made of strands and squiggles. When my hand feels full, I take the ball and throw it away. And I picture it being thrown into something that seals shut, because you and I both know that those puppies just boomerang. I keep doing it over and over and I find that if I keep directing and throwing and locking it away, the thoughts slow down and become less frequent.
And a random funny story, DH and I were flying a while back, and I was doing my deep breathing and, with my eyes closed, holding out my hand. DH knew that on the plane, the ball can't be thrown into something locked, because it just bounces around the cabin and lands back on me (okay, now you KNOW I'm crazy), so he sweetly touched my hand, and I looked at him and he asked, "Do you want to dump in my hand?"
Oh, I forgot -
this book has been a great help to me!
