[frustrated dad]

I have to admit, I'm alittle surprised I'm actually posting on here...but I don't know what else to do as every book my wife and I read tells us to do something different.

My 8 month old son has recently decided he doesn't want to sleep through the night anymore. He has always been a pretty good sleeper only waking a few times through the night but then would be easily put back to sleep. Recently however he has learned how to pull himself up to a standing position and will wake up at about 11pm (he goes to bed around 7pm) and pull himself up and start to cry...and cry hard. Nothing my wife and I do seems to work to put him back to sleep and he will be awake for the remainder of the night. This has been going on for 6 nights in a row now. The only way he will fall back to sleep is if my wife rocks with him. The problem is when he falls asleep and she tries to put him back down he wakes up again and it starts all over again.

He naps in the morning as well as in the afternoon just like he always did.

Needless to say the lack of sleep is starting to take it's toll on the both of us. I myself get up for work at 5am and the lack of sleep is starting to effect my work. And although my wife won't admit it I can tell it is starting to takes its toll on her as well as she is starting to become exhausted.

Every book we read tells us to do something different. Is this just a phase we are going to have to get through or does he have us trained to come and get him when he cries?

Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Frustrated (and tired) Dad.

 

[Frazzled Mama]

When I placed my order for a child my requirements were: Healthy, Happy and ones that sleep. I got 2 out of 3 of those requirements. You can do all the reading in the world and still not get answers on how to get them to sleep. I have come to the conclusion that you just have to suck it up and learn to live with being sleep deprived. My advice, trade your sleeping nights with your wife and nap when your child naps. Other than that, I have found nothing else that works.

Oh..and if you are up at 3am...send your baby on over to my house to play with my 6 month old and 2 year old. That seems to be the big party time at our house.

Seriously, if you are looking for a quick fix, I don't think there is an answer. Hopefully its just a short phase and you'll be getting a better night sleep.

 

[homemademomma]

this sucks, i know, but it is probably a short phase. kids often wake up more when they learn a new skill, and then settle back down when they getr used to it. i agree w/the pp- alternate sleeping nights with your wife so at least one of you gets some sleep.

 

[stafl]

Developmental leaps always come hand-in-hand with sleepless nights. I have a baby who has always been a good sleeper, like she started sleeping seven hours in a row every night before she was even a week old! BUT... she is now learning how to walk. AND she is teething, too. Probably throw in a growth-spurt for good measure, and I haven't had a good night's sleep in over a week. I can offer you sympathy, but I have no advice on how to fix the problem. It's just something that baby will have to fix when baby's ready.

Honest, it will get easier. Hard to see the light of day now, but it will get better, it really will. Just hang in there, and know that you are not alone.

edited to add: NO, he does not have you trained, he is not manipulating you!! Babies that young are not capable of that sort of mentality. Adults often attribute adult emotions and thoughts onto young babies, but the truth is, baby cries when baby needs you. If you ignore his needs, you teach him not to trust, that he shouldn't bother crying because you won't respond. Don't do that to him, it has been proven to cause all sorts of psychological damage in the long run.

 

[InochiZo]

We also have an 8mo who does not sleep well. My DH could have written your post except that he is a SAHD. DS sleep is not usually as bad for as many days in a row as your DS. He usually has a couple of good nights and a couple of bad nights.
I am not worried that my DS is manipulating me or DH but I do worry sometimes that he is not getting good sleep/nighttime/bed associations. I would really like him to learn/understand that sleep is a beautiful thing. I would like to experience as well.
It sounds like you are not co-sleeping. I have to say that co-sleeping has helped. DS cries occassionally but usually only when something is wrong. He sometime plays for a short time and I will lay him back on the bed and he will fall asleep "on his own" no rocking or holding. Last night he was tossing and turning in our bed (he probably would have been crying if he was in crib). I was actually so tired I turned over and went to sleep and DS kept tossing and turning and went to sleep too. The breast also seems to be a great pacifier at night when I can stand it long enough for DS to be still and fall asleep.

 

[frustrated dad]

Thanks for the reply's everyone. I guess I knew there wasn't a quick fix, but it's nice to hear some others are going through the same thing as us. I will let me wife read your reply's so she knows as well. His sleeplessness is starting to happen during nap time as well now and he will only settle down if my wife rocks with him or lays with him on the couch...which is frustrating her as there are lots of things she would like to get done around the house (holiday baking and such...) .

In regards to offering the breast...my wife was actually unable to breastfeed so that is not an option at this point. To feed him during the night requires heating up a bottle and sitting up with him. We decided we are going to try that now as it seems as though he might be going through a growth spurt at the moment.

As for the co-sleeping...is that something most of you recommend? We have never really done that with him. What are the pros and cons of that?

Thanks again!

 

[Destinye]

The No Cry Sleep Solution seems to be the best book out there for this.

I think co-sleeping would help everyone sleep better and worked for me as my DD stopped sleeping so well at this stage I am sure related to teething and developmental changes too. I am not an expert on co-sleeping (and initially only partially co-slept but was always there when my baby needed me) but I am a veterinarian and it does not make sense to me that humans try to make their babies sleep away from the mother a lot of the time, when all animals know the babies place is with the mother (and father too) and I feel if your baby is telling you that then listen to them. He cant tell you in words what he is thinking and feeling but he is telling you in the only way he knows how that he needs you.

Also there are really good homeopathic remedies for teething (Hylands is one) and also Calms Forte is a homeopathic remedy that helps relaxation and sleep and they are generally very safe and effective.

Hope this helps!

 

[frustrated dad]

Ok, thanks alot. I will mention the co-sleeping to my wife (she is on the couch with my son asleep on her chest at the moment).

 

[Destinye]

Sounds like you are doing a great job and hope you all get some sleep soon

 

[sleepless-in-texas]

Check for ear infection!!! It hurts most when they are lying down. My dd got her first one at 9 months old. She's had 3 of them in the last 2 months. We have had little sleep.

 

[sleepless-in-texas]

Your crib may have invisible thorns in it. I know ours does.

I can't risk her falling or crawling off our bed, so I nurse her on a futon-type mattress on the floor and sneak out once she's asleep. Once it's time for me to go to sleep, I wait for her to wake up and take her with me then. She wakes up a lot right now with teething and 3 rounds of ear infections. She'll be 1 on Dec 30. Just now seeing the tip of her first tooth.
Good luck, Hang in there. I bet this will pass. I envy you not having had those invisible thorns in the crib til now.

 

[frustrated dad]

Ya, we figure it's got alot to do with teething as well. He's got 2 on the bottom already and there are a couple on the top trying to poke through. But we didn't have this much trouble with the 2 bottom ones...

Thanks for the advice on the ear infections. I will mention that to my wife.

 

[Sungold17]

You might want to take a look at these two sites. You can learn more about co-sleeping and other sleep issues
Ask Dr. Sears
Dr. Jay Gordon's site

A word of advice. If you decide to try co-sleeping you might want to get a guard rail or push the bed up against the wall. That way there is less chance of your son falling off and you rest a little easier. (In our bed the guard rail prevents me from falling off the bed.)

 

[nichole]

i say give the cosleeping a try and see how you like it. in my opinion it is much easier. can't think of any negatives, but if you have questions this is a great place to ask them.

 

[mogit]

My DS also began nightwaking around this age. If I was already asleep, I would bring him into bed with me and he would fall right back to sleep. If I needed to stay up longer, I would rock him to sleep and then put him back down in his crib. (I didn't feel safe leaving him alone in the "big bed" at this age, even with guardrails.) He, too, would wake and cry as soon as I put him back down. It took me awhile to figure out, but if I laid my hands gently on his chest, he would settle back down. I would stay that way a few minutes, bending over the crib with my hands resting on him, till I could tell by his breathing that he was sound asleep. Then I would slowly lift my hands off of him and walk away. Hope this works for you and your wife, too!

 

[MommyDOK]

just wanted to add some thoughts about co-sleeping. Dh and I never thought we would co-sleep. We'd keep the baby in our room, but not in our bed. Well she had other plans. She never slept unless she was touching one of us. I don't think it's that rare.'
It's good you are not planning to leave your child to cry. It will just cause more problems down the line.
I highly recommend Dr. Sears books. Especially Attachment Parenting. He and his wife have such a positive perspective and they really help you understand what an infant needs.
Hang in there!! Dd didn't sleep more than 2 hours until 14 months.

 

[Ruthla]

Quote:

Originally Posted by frustrated dad He naps in the morning as well as in the afternoon just like he always did. Needless to say the lack of sleep is starting to take it's toll on the both of us. I myself get up for work at 5am and the lack of sleep is starting to effect my work. And although my wife won't admit it I can tell it is starting to takes its toll on her as well as she is starting to become exhausted. Every book we read tells us to do something different. Is this just a phase we are going to have to get through or does he have us trained to come and get him when he cries? Any suggestions? Thanks, Frustrated (and tired) Dad.

Maybe he doesn't need as much sleep as he used to? Perhaps he'd sleep better at night if he only had one nap? (of course, this could also backfire, he could get overtired and have a harder time falling asleep, but its something else to consider.)

He doesn't have you "trained." He cries because he needs you and that's how he communicates. My 8yo can get out of bed and climb into mine if she needs me- your 8mo can't.

I'd suggest giving co-sleeping a try. It works for many families (you're with the baby at night but you don't have to "get up" with the baby to do it!) but it doesn't work for all families. Some parents have a hard time getting used to an extra little person in their bed- I suggest you keep trying different things until you find something that works- and be prepared to keep changing if necessary!

If the baby's wakefulness is starting to affect your performance at work/safety in driving to work, it might make sense to sleep in another room for a while and let dw deal with the baby at night since she can sleep during the day when the baby naps (and you can't.) This isn't a long-term solution- just a strategy for dealing with this difficult situation until it passes. Also, make sure that you give her some "me time" in the evenings when you're home- she's going to need it!

For nighttime bottle feedings, you might want to keep a prepared bottle in a cooler in your room and see if he'll drink it cold (or get one of those bottle warmer thingies that warms it up for you while you're half asleep.) You may be able to avoid that midnight trip to the kitchen! I'd also suggest having a bottle of water available at night (he might be waking up thirsty or wanting to suck, and water at night is a much better long-term habit to protect his teeth.)

Good luck and enjoy your baby. This WILL pass!

 

[frustrated dad]

wow, thanks for all the advice everyone. It is much appreciated! I'm happy to say my son slept for 12 hours straight last night (he was probably worn out from the week of no sleeping). The best part was his mom and I where so tired we gave in and went to bed at 8:30 last night so we got about 10.5 hours as well...much need rest for all 3 of us for sure

I know it's probably not the end of it, but with all the advice from here we finally have an encouraging outlook on the situation. Thanks again!!

 

[Mrs Dimples]

Glad to hear it!

I am sure you all feel better after a night like that! 12 straight hours for an 8 month old is an exceptionally long sleep...was it consecutive?

 

[Sandrine]

I'm so happy that he had a great night.

DD2 is also 9mths. She has her first ear infection. She started to not want to fall asleep by herself for her naps than she loss her appetit. She never slept her nights but she was good at falling asleep by herself during the day.

My mom says that if you put pressure behind the ear and the child moves to try to remove your finger that it can show that it's could be maybe something wrong with the ear or/and an ear infection. I did that today and went to the dr. as an ear infection on the right.