[queen b]

i am thinking about leaving my 18 month old overnight with my mother and was wondering what peoples experiences and opinions are about this. here is a bit of background info:

18 moth old dd and we have rarely been apart save for an hour or two here and there. we have never been apart overnight and she still nurses at night like a fiend, although we don't cosleep any longer. i would be leaving her with my mother who lives far away and my dd doesn't get to see her ofter (they do speak on the phone frequently). i'm a little worried about how this is going to affect my dd emotionally and psychologically if i leave her overnight. at the same time, my dh will have just completed the bar exam (which has been a long road

: ) and i feel that it could be really good for us to have a night away, by ourselves, that would include a full nights rest

any thoughts would be greatly appreciated, as i most importantly want to what's best for my babe.

 

[SMR]

It sounds like you need a night out!! congrats on the bar exam. I haven't left dd 17.5 months overnight yet.. well, at least not on purpose! I had a 5 day hospital stint when she was 5 months old.. sucked! Anyway.. I really don't have any advice.. other than stay close to home just in case?? Good Luck!

 

[Ruthla]

I know that I, personally, was never ready to leave any of my babies overnight at 18mo. I know I tried once when DD2 was about that age, leaving both girls overnight with their father, but he ended up calling me to get them around 10 PM, as none of them (daddy or kids) were really ready for that yet.

I'd be especially nervous about an overnight with somebody your child doesn't already know well. If this is "a chance for the two of them to get to know each other" then planning an overnight visit might be premature. What if you stayed at your mom's house with DD? Maybe go out for a few hours with DH to celebrate then be available for DD at bedtime if she needs you?

 

[SoulJourney]

Although I can appreciate the strong desire/need to have a free night, I, personally, wouldn't do it. I am being forced to send my 18 month DS for his first overnight with his father (whom he has only met five times) next month. Ten hours a day, three days in a row was insanely traumatic for him, I can only imagine what an overnight would do. I just feel that until they can effectively communicate with words, they are too young to be separated from their mother/caregiver for that long, especially with a stranger.

I hope you figure out what works for you guys and congratulations to your DH!!!

 

[Sydnee]

I have never had a problem leaving my girls, even overnight. But it's always been with one of their Grandmas (and Grandpas) whom they see weekly. I'm not sure how I would do if they weren't familiar with the caregiver in mind. And also, when I have left the girls overnight, they had been sleeping through the night, so I didn't have to worry about night wakings.

Good luck mama!!

 

[madskye]

Is your mom coming to your house? Can she come a night or two in advance so your DD can get used to her in your house? OR can you go to her house a day in advance...just take a little settle in time.

 

[straighthaircurly]

My son stayed overnight at his grandparents at that age and had no problems. We just kept the nighttime routine exactly the same. He hadn't spent a lot of time with his grandparents (would see them every few months) but his cousins also stayed over that night and he loved playing with them. But he wasn't still nursing. That will be the toughest part.However, I am a strong believer in parents getting some time to themselves. Very very important to overall family health. One night is not going to scar your child for life.

 

[alegna]

I would not feel comfortable with that at such a young age.

-Angela

 

[SomedayMom]

DS was about that age the first time we left him. He was not nursing at the time though, and his grandparents came to our house to stay with him. While they live a few hours away, they visit quite often and he is very familiar with them.

In our case everything went VERY well (for him, I was kind of a wreck).

Now, at 2.5, we visited grandma and grandpa and he wanted to sleep with them instead of us. He woke up in the middle of the night confused and crying for me. Fortunately, I was just down the hall. Staying at home seems to be much easier on him...his own bed, everything familiar, no stress.

 

[mothragirl]

i wouldn't do it. what if your mom came to your house and you went on a date? you could even get a hotel room for some action and them come home to sleep. i don't think a baby that age can understand a separation like that, especially if they aren't used to it.

 

[bri276]

I wouldn't do it either. I agree with having your mother come to your house and going out, but not all night, sounds like night nursing is important and that might be very confusing/scary, especially in an unknown environment.

 

[heidilynne]

i've done it many times with my MIL, but DS (18 mths) is very close to and fond of her. He does fine and sleeps pretty well for her (he is still a constant night-nurser) but she is very very patient. I would probably not let anyone else have him for the night yet. He is very sensitive and takes a long time to warm up to people. Usually when I come and pick him up, he plays it cool and tries to show me toys and then as soon as I sit on the couch, he comes up for some milk and nurses for a very long time! Good luck!

 

[queen b]

thanks everyone! unfortunately, my mom can't come to our house, as we live seven hours away and my mother works full time. i know that it's a bad idea to leave my dd, but i think i just needed to hear it from others because i want so badly for it to be a good idea. i know my dd and she will not be psyched to be without me (i've tried to go out 2 or 3 times at night with friends and my dh always ends up having to call me home to nurse dd back to sleep). i guess i was kind of hoping that everyone would respond that they did this with their kids and it was magic-yeah right! so we'll just go out for a few hours or maybe i'll just send dh off on a little vacay of his own!

thanks!

 

[Ornery]

I am in your situation too. We are planning an overnight trip for our anniversary in June and my youngest ds will be 17 months old then. We really need it but I am also worried about my son's reaction (he is also a major night nurser). One good thing for us is that I was forced onto bedrest last week due to a complication during my pregnancy, and ds had to go to a friend's house during the days. I was so worried about how he would do because he really didn't know her very well but he loved it. I know how important it is to have some alone time with dh but maybe you could try an overnight trip with you to grandma's house first? That might smooth things over a bit. Or, if possible, have her come to your house to stay with him? We are having a good friend stay at our house while we are gone. Then, at least, he will be in familiar surroundings. Good luck.

 

[subrosa]

it sounds like you need a date night, but maybe not a night away. I know my daughter (22 mo) doesn't sleep well in strange places regardless of whether or not I'm with her.

Good luck to your husband with the bar--it is a nasty and exhausting experience, so be kind to him

. You will BOTH deserve a celebration when it is all over! Have a nice dinner together, maybe a movie, and just enjoy the pool of empty space where his studying used to be. (I've taken 3 different bar exams, and I think my DH has perfected his supportive husband skills!)

 

[Carley]

She's going to be great!! You are obviously comfortable with your mother & her ability to parent... it's wonderful that you are giving your daughter & her an opportunity to form a grandparent bond, especially since they don't get to see each other often! Think of how excited your mom must be... she probably has all sorts of ideas in mind for how they are going to spend the time together. Your daughter is in for a treat!

Here are some things we do before our daughter spends the night with someone:

We talk about the sleepover beforehand & read a lot of grandparent books

We put together a photo album of baby sydney with us (she especially loves the pictures of us nursing, DH giving her a bottle & rocking, & her birth pictures) & all of her family & friends (including the animals) & we always take it with us

We ask for her help to pack her bag for her overnight & make sure to bring her baby, blankets & bedtime books.

I also pack her a special brown bag with her name on it with her favourite "road snacks" for familiarity & to help out Grandma

We have "bye bye mamas" (nurse) before we leave & then help her transition into an activity she really really likes, such as riding the hobby horse or coloring, hand her baby, tell her that she's staying with Grammy & Papi to play, to please look after baby for us, then we ask for bye bye kisses & then we leave!

She has a great time & so do her Grandparents. I'm so thankful to have such wonderful loving people in our lives... I feel my daughter is so lucky to have Grandparents that want to be there for her!

Have an amazing time!!! You all deserve it... Grandparents are a wonderful thing!

 

[Carley]

I forgot that we also include her soft "night night" music cd... oh where would any of us be without that!?!??!

Quote:

Originally Posted by subrosa it sounds like you need a date night, but maybe not a night away. I know my daughter (22 mo) doesn't sleep well in strange places regardless of whether or not I'm with her.

Awww... that sucks!!

 

[Nan'sMom]

From what you've said, it sounds like she's too young to be away from you for the night. In my experience, night time tends to be a particularly vulnerable time for children. I have an 18 month old now and I can't imagine spending the night away from her, absent a true emergency. Maybe your child is different--it's hard to tell from your post--but it sounds like she's not yet ready, especially if she's not used to being away from you. Can you come up with another way to get the time you need with dh? I know how hard it is but a little creative problem solving can go a long way!

 

[Carley]

To any of the PP, why do you think your children would not thrive in different conditions with other caretakers? Have you had poor experiences before? Do you have trustworthy parents friends or family?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nan'sMom In my experience, night time tends to be a particularly vulnerable time for children.

Both of my daughters grandmas have bedtime routines they do at there house that incorporate her routine at home, such bathtime & then snuggling with her blankets & reading books while her soft music is on. They also have special grandparent books that I bought for all of us to have at our houses. We also look at her pictures books all the time & she points out her family (including friends). When we're gone she points us out too. Sydney has great nights when she's at her grandparents' houses... sometimes better than when she's here!

I hope if any of you want some couple time you have the best overnight caretaker experience ever. I realize now how lucky we are. It really is a gift to all of us!

 

[GracesMama]

When DD was 14 months old, I left her with my parents for most of one night. I was my sister-in-law's matron of honor and it was her bachelorette party. I was gone from 8 until 2 or 3 in the morning.

DD was fine even though she was accustomed to nursing to sleep and several times a night. To get her to fall asleep, my mom pushed her around in the stroller for a very long time. Then she let DD sleep on her chest. When I came home, I couldn't believe she was actually asleep!

My parents live across the country, so DD doesn't know them very well, but I think it helped that we were staying at their house for a week before I left her for the night.

I would suggest spending at least a day with your mom before you leave your child over night.