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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
We've been living about 45 minutes from town for the past couple years. It has always been our dream to buy land and build our strawbale house and raise goats, etc. I think it still is, but I'm definitely having doubts right now. We live in an amazingly beautiful area, only about 30 miles from the coast. The problem is, the kids and I are feeling really lonely and isolated. I just found out I am pregnant and that seems to make it worse. I feel like a real whiner, but I'm kind of miserable here. I miss friends and potlucks and community and my midwives and long walks at night without worrying about mountain lions.<br><br>
Anyway, I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any input on the subject (convince me to move to the city<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Or, if anyone has any ideas on how not to feel so isolated!<br><br>
We're reading the Little House books right now and they make me feel so silly. Laura and Mary never had other kids to play with, and the family only saw other people once a year sometimes!<br><br>
Ok, I'm an emotional wreck right now, so forgive me.<br><br>
Help!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:
 

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hi there! i felt the same way when we were living in the country.... we were about 45 min. from town - where we have a business. we moved there when dd was just 1 month old. it had been our dream for a long time to move to the country. so, it was a bit disheartening to realize that we weren't really happy there - too isolated! dd hated the car, which made it all the worse. and winter was cold, dark and lonely for me alone w/an infant - dh would leave early in the morn. to go to work and come back about a half hour before i was in bed w/dd...... we were there one year and one month. we moved back into town, into our old house that we'd rented out. i've never regretted it! it felt great to be back in town with other kids for dd to play with, adults for me to talk to, and yes, sidewalks! if you'd told me 3 years ago that i'd love being back in town with sidewalks, i'd have told you that you're nuts! but somehow, for me anyway, having a child changed so much. my time and energy are better spent here, where i can walk to the store, park, library and it doesn't become an all-day event! and if i want to see dh, i can go to our shop in 5 min. in the car, or 20 min. walking.... anyway, don't know if that helps you feel any better.... it's such a personal thing. i wanted a strawbale house, goats, etc... but for us, it's just not in the cards at this time in our lives. i'm a much happier camper in town - much to my surprise. i hope you can find what works best for you! best wishes,!!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
p.s. where in norther CA are you? just curious...
 

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Hi shalom! I met you at SolFest last year. I've changed my username and I'm back in Minnesota now. I'm living out in the country but I guess here I'm close enough to town that I don't feel too isolated, and I'm the type that just can't live in town. I do know what you mean, though. When I was in CA I felt the same way, like it was such a big deal driving anywhere because of the terrain, and I didn't know many people. Even going to the nearest small town I had trouble feeling "connected". And yes, there were the mountain lions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><br><br>
Maybe you could compromise and build your dream place somewhere just a few miles from a medium size city?<br><br>
It's nice to talk to you again and I hope you find what works out best for you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
thanks for your reply. where in MN are you? I don't know what we are going to do???? I am having a much harder time in this area than when we lived rurally in MN- not quite sure why. We still haven't quite decided- now I am pregnant which is wonderful but also complicates things <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br>
Well, thanks again- nice to chat with someone about it.<br><br>
Krista
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
thanks for sympathizing steph! we're experiencing all that same stuff! my husband is a huge bicyclist (actually rides to work every day even from here!) and hates driving so much! it is ridiculous. I waver all day between "I should be so grateful that we are here, how lucky we are, etc" and "I am so lonely and bored and HOT! everything is brown, I'm sick of driving an hour to see another adult"<br><br>
anyway, your post definitely helped! I have a big problem with feeling guilty every time I feel like moving (we are like a gypsy family) and I don't want to feel guilty anymore. I guess I do feel like philosophically we SHOULD live in the country and that this is the best place for the kids, etc. But in my day to day life I just find myself hating it and wishing I were in the city <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/confused.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Confused">:<br><br>
So, thanks again. I'm sure it will all work out (hopefully before May 3, my due date!)<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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I am a city girl. Living in Seattle was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. Moving to Olympia, which is a smallish city, has really pushed my limits. I have twice lived as an older teen/adult in the country, and both times were unhappy. I see no philosophical problem with raising my children in the city, be it a large or medium-size city. While I want my kids to experience open spaces and slow living, I also want them to experience strong, integrated diverse places, riding the bus and walking for transportation, cultural activities, and the joy of living close with other people. I also think I personally have a lower environmental impact when living in the city (smaller footprint on the earth and in an area already inhabited by humans, daily use of alternative transportation and even living car-free while in Seattle, access to nice co-ops where I can get organic locally grown produce since I am not much of a gardner, etc). There are a lot of advantages to city living, and I truly believe my children will receive many of the benefits they might receive from country living by camping, visiting friends who live in the country, etc. So I've decided to live where I feel most comfortable. While I couldn't afford to stay in a big city, I live not far from downtown in my current location.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
THANKS SIERRA! I love these posts. I'm starting to feel more and more sure that this is just not the place for us. We are leaning strongly towards Portland. Any input?
 

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I am having this exact dilema. City or country? Hard to choose.<br><br>
I love portland. I have some good friends in that neck of the woods. My favorite portland points are that they have a pretty solid urban sprawl line so you don't have to drive as far to get away from the city. They have an awesome light rail system that makes commuting so nice and smooth. They have some kind of universal health care system...and while I'm sure it has it's problems, I would take it if I could.<br><br>
Take care
 

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Shalom, Portland is great! I'm a native, but I've lived in Chicago, Oakland and Olympia and I definitely think Porland is the best of all worlds. I never, ever expected to come back here and live as an adult but after college I couldn't wait to get back. It's small enough that you can get around quickly, which means that people whine if they have to drive more than 15 minutes to get somewhere! But it's big enough that there are lots of choices for entertainment, cultural events, cheap food and outdoor activities. We have the biggest urban park in the country--Forrest Park--great waterfront walkways, and we're an hour to the mountain, the beach and a few hours to the desert.<br><br>
The one thing you'll want to start thinking about before you move hear is how you'll deal with education. School budgets are already practically nothing and are still getting slashed. One reason is our taxes are relatively low (no sales tax, low property taxes, comparatively), but I expect that to change soon. So we're in this dance now between low cost of living and education. Personally, I'm ready to pay more in taxes to ensure all kids have a shot at a decent education, but this is something you'll want to consider. There are lots of alternative education options, too, but most are private or at least not free.<br><br>
As far as neighborhoods go, it depends on what your vision of community is and how much you want to spend. I live in North Portland mainly because this is where we found the house we wanted and could afford 6 years ago. Since then lots of young families have moved into the area. I like the racial and generational diversity and the scappy tenacity of the old-timers, even if I disagree with them most of the time! We're close to the freeway so we can get all over town quickly and we have the new light rail system that will open in the Spring. And a New Seasons in a few years (great grocery chain).<br><br>
I work full-time and I'm not quite a mom yet (due with my first 10/1) so I'm not the best to ask about mom's groups, but I know they're here. Many seem to be in SE and SW Portland.<br><br>
And if you decide you don't want to be right smack in the city it's not that hard to live in the outlaying suburbs, many are really green and quiet, and still be able to get into the city. In fact, there are still buslines and the light rail to some parts of the suburbs.<br><br>
I really hope you find something that works for everyone in your family so that you can feel less isolated. Good luck, and congrats on your pregnancy!
 
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