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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Just wondering if anyone else in our DDC has lost their mom? My mom passed 11 years ago (I was 20 years old) and I've gone through a wide range of grieving and emotions over this time. I felt very depressed when we were planning our wedding but that was nothing compared to how sad I'm feeling without her now. I'm sure it also has a lot to do with hormones, but there is nothing like the bond between a mother and daughter when she is going to become a mom for the first time. I'm really thrilled to be having a girl so that I can begin to rebuild that relationship with my own little person.

I'm really having a lot of anxiety around post-partum. I'm scared about PPD and I'm worried that I'm just going to be completely alone. DH is going to take a couple days off from work and I'm sure my MIL will be around too (but she also works full-time). Neither of us are close with our dads. I just have this vision of me being home alone with our little babe and not knowing what to do. I know intuition will kick in and I have a masters degree in early childhood, but almost all of my friends have their mothers nearby (or they will travel in to stay with them for an extended period after the birth) and I won't have that.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling really sad tonight. :(
 

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I'm sorry for the early loss of your mama. While not the same, I'm working through mother-daughter anxiety myself. My mother is alive and lives close by, but I have a very difficult relationship with her. I carry a lot of resentment about my childhood, but being an only child of a single mom who now is disabled I am her sole care taker. She has alienated every person who has ever cared about her and now it's just me.

I long for a strong, loving mother-daughter relationship. One like she had with her own mom.

I have worked hard to set appropriate boundaries with mom regarding our sons and she is respectful of those. We've been in a decent groove for a bit now, but the news of having a daughter has brought so much old baggage. I'm doing lots of introspection, reflection, and personal development work in order to embrace the opportunity to come full circle and create with my daughter what I always needed from my mother.

Hugs to you, I'm confident that we'll make our way through this :smile:
 

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So sorry about your mom, @mamadance84. I am in a similar situation to @MulberryMom where my mom lives somewhat close by but we have a pretty strained relationship. I know that's very different from not having a mom at all, but I'm also saddened knowing that I'll be pretty much going it alone with our newborn. I have family that I am close to but they are three states away--it's them I'll be missing in those difficult first weeks. I have a few close friends in the area, but they are all childless and pretty aloof when it comes to spending time with us when we have DSS (and I only envision it getting worse with TWO kids instead of one). Being a parent, for me, has been isolating and lonely. When I visit my friends with kids who live near their extended families, it brings tears to my eyes to see how much help and support they get with raising their kids. I grew up with a big extended family, too, and it breaks my heart that my kids won't have that experience at all.

One way I'm trying to improve my situation is to sign up for a childbirth class (so that we can get to know other parents who are having babies around the same time we are) and to join local mom's groups on Facebook. Often the FB groups organize baby-friendly group activities. If we don't have a family tribe close by, then I'm going to do my best to create one!

I guess this is off-topic from your original post, but I did just want to say that you're not alone in your fear of being on your own once your baby is here. Do what you can now to establish a "mommy network" in your area so that you have options for support and socialization once baby is here. It's not the same as having your mom there to help, but it's a start.

:Hug
 

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Sorry about your mom and sad feelings @mamadance84. I can sympathize with worries about being alone and feeling isolated.

Although my mom is well, she lives in New York, and DH and I are in LA alone. :( I worry a lot about the post partum period as well, and considering the difficulty my friends (with huge extended networks), have had...I imagine it's going to be very tough for us as well. Nothing will ever make up for the relationship you were hoping to have with your mom as you become a mother, but have you searched for some mommy networks in your area, for support? You're in a good location for it! I know you will find a bunch of groups, even if you have to travel into the city to find one you like. I have been trying out different prenatal yoga classes in the hopes that I can find a mom friend I click with!

As for PPD, it's not a cure or anything, but have you thought about placenta encapsulation? So many of my mom friends had wonderful experiences with their placenta encapsulation and truly felt a huge difference on days where they would take their pills and not. I'm definitely doing it because I feel like it's one little thing I can do to help improve the likelihood of depression after baby, but of course it isn't the support you're hoping for, just a boost to your mood perhaps? It's so good that you're aware of the possibility and concern, and I'm sure your husband will be a huge help and also stay alert for signs of PPD. I think it's so important to have a support system, whoever that may be! Are you taking a childbirth class of any kind? Would be good to connect with some other moms in the area, even to have someone to text with or meet for coffee with the babes.

Besides that, even though we're only connected through internet- we're here to listen to your worries and fears and vent with you! At least, I will be here, probably looking for someone to cry with when I'm so tired and have no one to lean on besides DH...feel free to find me here! :grin: Hahah
 

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Lean on this DDC when you can too. We're all here together at least virtually. :Hug
 

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Just wondering if anyone else in our DDC has lost their mom? My mom passed 11 years ago (I was 20 years old) and I've gone through a wide range of grieving and emotions over this time. I felt very depressed when we were planning our wedding but that was nothing compared to how sad I'm feeling without her now. I'm sure it also has a lot to do with hormones, but there is nothing like the bond between a mother and daughter when she is going to become a mom for the first time. I'm really thrilled to be having a girl so that I can begin to rebuild that relationship with my own little person.

I'm really having a lot of anxiety around post-partum. I'm scared about PPD and I'm worried that I'm just going to be completely alone. DH is going to take a couple days off from work and I'm sure my MIL will be around too (but she also works full-time). Neither of us are close with our dads. I just have this vision of me being home alone with our little babe and not knowing what to do. I know intuition will kick in and I have a masters degree in early childhood, but almost all of my friends have their mothers nearby (or they will travel in to stay with them for an extended period after the birth) and I won't have that.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just feeling really sad tonight. :(
I feel you @mamadance84 - I lost my mom unexpectedly last year. She was the center of my world, and a really brilliant human being. My childhood was a beautiful adventure, with her as my buddy, poetry teacher and magic-maker.
I'm just trying to remember all the things she did with me so that I can do them with my daughter.

It's going to be tough in those first few months, and yeah, PPD is a real threat.
We have to remember our great moms had to figure this out from scratch, too. Like them, we'll bumble and stumble and then quickly become the great mothers we're meant to be. Like them, we'll have beautiful daughters who know what it's like to be loved immensely. Take heart, my dear!
We may not have our moms around to care for our newborns or give us advice on what to do - and that sucks (especially if you're working fulltime+ like me). We do have mom friends, and we have the support of our DHs. That's a lot to celebrate. :love
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks to everyone! It helps to know that I'm not alone and I have been looking into signing up for a class or group in my immediate area. DH has been really supportive, though he sometimes just doesn't know how to help. But he lets me be sad, and cry, and talk, and holds me through it all. He tells me it's ok. That's all I really need right now. I'm grateful to have a long weekend to relax a bit.
 
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