[meowee]

Yes, me. I was classic HFA as a child, my son is HFA, my baby is probably HFA. She is nonverbal at 19 months. I was viciously bullied in school and have always had a hard time socially... an eternal outcast.

I type a lot at the keyboad but I am practically mute IRL.

I have three other kids who seem NT but definitely have their quirks.

 

[meowee]

I'd like to ask the other AS/ HFA mothers how they can do things cooperatively/ as a team with their kids? I find it unbearable to do anything with a partner/ on a team and this is a constant struggle for me... I want to do science experiments and cook with my kids but I'm on the verge of melting down every time I try. I've always been like this-- I can work either in complete isolation, or not at all.

 

[meowee]

natalia-- a neurologist or psychiatrist can diagnose Asperger's but be prepared for complete ignorance on the part of many clinicians. Also you might want to reconsider a formal diagnosis as it could be considered a "pre existing condition" if you ever need new health insurance, and (god forbid) it could be used against you in a custody dispute if you ever found yourself in one, or (again god forbid) if you are ever targeted by social services.

Also: bipolar is THE most common misdiagnosis for aspies, especially male aspies. Borderline (for females) and somewhat so schizophrenia are probably second and third as misdiagnoses for adult aspies.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brigianna I mostly do things alongside my kids (parallel play, if you will). That doesn't bother me as much as actual cooperative work.

I usually do that ("I'll do my thing, you do your thing, we'll just enjoy being in each other's company) but my kids are all so clingy and needy, they're always begging for more... I feel terrible because I know my NT daughter especially would love to do teamwork things. I really want to teach them all to cook but the closest I've been able to come is to give them directions from across the room. I only have the severe issues with physical proximity when I'm trying to "do something"/ i.e. complete a task. I can cuddle them and hug them, but if I am even doing something as simple as straightening out the sofa cover, I go bizerk (usually just inwardly!) if someone tries to interact with me, talk to me, or even be physically close to me.

 

[meowee]

Oh-- I love chatting with my kids via MSN. We're just lazy about scheduling it because they like using their computer time for video games. IMing is great because I can have contact and privacy at the same time.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sparklemama And now, as an adult, I just can't/won't do playdates and you won't ever find me striking up a conversation with a stranger somewhere like another mom in a park.

Same here-- I tried twice, and gave up. Zero playdates and I can't even do homeschool get togethers because it makes me feel sick to be near the other moms, it's like my brain is being attacked.

 

[meowee]

I don't do confrontation, except occasionally online I can voice (type) my opinion. I am extremely dependent on my husband because he does stuff like answer the phone/ talk to other people for me. I never answer the phone, I never answer the door, I never make lefthand turns... the other day my husband tried going to the bank for me but they said I had to come in myself. He requested that I not have to wait in line, they agreed... HAHA like I could ever cut in front of anyone. I put my name on the list and waited. Sometimes even the smallest confrontation will leave me shaken for weeks or more. Interacting with people is just too much for me...it's gotten much worse over the years. I feel attacked just bythe presence of other people near me-- it's like my body and mind hurt all over just from having to interact with people.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by EarthMommy80 I never thought of these things for myself. So, I know this isn't a diagnosis, but do you think that is why i have possibly had so many difficulties wth the millions of meds i have taken and not had good outcomes? Because that wasn't really what the problem was? Just a thought. Great thread

I think it makes a lot of sense. Meds did zero for me too (and I have been med free for 10+ yrs).

The psychs never knew what was going on with me. Two suggested (but did not officially diagnose, as far as I know) schizophrenia. A few suggested depression. I was on SSRIs and antipsychotics for a while, a few times with horrible side effects. I'm surprised I was never diagnosed borderline. I am semi-mute around people so maybe that is why. I think I seemed way too quiet and serious to be borderline.

 

[meowee]

I don't know if there are any AS moms here who post on wrongplanet, but a beautiful young lady who was a member there took her life last week. You can PM if you have questions. I am just crushed by this news.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by feebeeglee I actually didn't read all of it, because you had me at "lack of empathy." That's an utter (commonly spread) lie - autistic people have as much empathy as anyone, or as little. They frequently have a hard time verbalizing their emotional states, or with figuring out what to do or how to behave regarding the emotions they are feeling. But they absolutely DON'T lack empathy. Welcome to the thread!

I definitely lacked empathy as a young child. I just felt blank most of the time, and to this day I have tremendous emotional blunting and often have no idea, really, how to identify my feelings. However, this doesn't mean I don't feel empathy now, as an adult. But often it is a delayed reaction and/or it takes me a long time to identify it.

I did, as a child, develop a sense of empathy around age 7-10, hard to tell exactly where. But I have clear memories of being very young and just being "flat." I remember injuring animals, but later in life I came to feel a lot of sensitivity and sadness for homeless animals.

 

[meowee]

Oh... about being an easy child... I was a very, very strange child and my strange behavior outraged my mom. But I didn't have many temper tantrums and I wasn't "disobedient." I was pretty obsessive about following rules and keeping order.

But I would horde things, created an imaginary world and insisted that world was real and this world was not, refused to change my clothes, self injured (I would bite myself and head bang, and when I was older I would cut/scratch myself with my nails or knives), I often wouldn't talk to anyone who came over, I would quietly destroy things when no one was looking because for a while I was obsessed with fire.

So I wasn't a typically disobedient child but I wasn't exactly a dream child either. And I did turn into a very "troubled teen." I calmed down and normalized a lot around age 22/23, when I met my husband. I'm kind of surprised I made it out of childhood/ being a teenager alive!

 

[meowee]

bjorker my DH dismisses the concept of high functioning autism too (or at least in relation to our family). For him, you're either profoundly autistic or you're not autistic at all. However, interestingly, between my son (HFA dx'ed), DD (PPD dx'ed) and me (AS not dx'ed), he is more willing to believe I've got "issues" than he is willing to believe our kids do. But even then, he won't go so far as to accept that this is something real.

He did once ask me, "Why didn't you tell me this before I married you" and of course I told him I didn't even understand the concept of an autistic spectrum until recently.