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Any other blended familes??

306 Views 3 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  MsDolphin
I don't have any major concerns but curious if any of you have BTDT.
As I have mentioned this is baby #5 but first w my SO. He loves my kids and is great w them but they have made statements that this is going to be his real baby and such. I have also thought about the chance of him "favoring" this baby because it will be his first biologically.
He is cluueless about babies or anything to do w them so I don't even see a way to discuss it w him. I know that he loves my kids but I also know the overwhelming love and protective feeling that you have when you have this little person that is a part of you.
So any thoughts, advise will be much appreciated.
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I'm in your situation, but reversed, so I don't have advice, just a different point of view.

This is my first little one, and DH has two kids. I feel like he has some of the same concerns that you have. I do love his kids, but I don't feel the same bond that he has with them, and I don't interact with them the same way that he does, especially DSD who is 7 and very much a daddy's girl. He worries that I will be standoffish with our child, but I've tried to explain to him that even though I've know DSD since she was 2, I'm still not mommy to her just as she is not daughter to me. I still love and care about her as a person, and I look after her and protect her as if she were my daughter, but in terms of bonds its just not there. I guess what I'm trying to say is that the relationship and feelings between a stepparent and stepchild can never be the same as a biological parent/child relationship, and its okay for this to be. I sometimes worry that I'm going to favor my child over the step kids, but I know this isn't fair to the kids, so its something that I will be conscious of.

I'm also interested in hearing from others who have BTDT.
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im in your shoes AND your childrens shoes.

This is DFs first child. He loves my kids and is an AWESOME father to them... but hes not biologically their dad. He has been in their lives for almost 3 years and has been more of a father than their biological one has. To DD he IS her dad. She has even stated herself (and we told her that its her choice not ours) that she has two dads... her old dad and then DF. DS has stated that he wishes DF were his actual father (and last week for show-and-share bring a picture of someone you love he brought a picture of DF)

I dont see it as really being much of an issue for us. Yes, DF will love his child in a different way than he loves mine... and his family will likely favor this child over my own... but they still care about my children. They spoiled them rotten this year at Christmas!

As for how my kids are already reacting... they were asking me to have a child with DF from about a year after I started dating him! Half because they both want another sibling and half because they just REALLY like him that much... lol.

Now... from your childrens perspective... I would have to go back to see how old your kids are but when my mom remarried I was 7 and when she had my little brother I was 8.

to be 100% honest I never once felt like my step father hated us (unlike my step-mother who makes it clear often but I was already 20 when she married my father) and his family accepted us though to the non-bio kids yes... we always knew we werent #1 in their eyes... but in our mothers eyes we were ALL #1 and that is what mattered. We were still important to our step-family... still accepted and cared about. Adding my little brother into the mix actually seemed to have them accept us even more.

My step father is a very quiet man. He hardly talks to anyone... even his own kids. Its just how he is. Yet he has shown many times that he is proud... like when I joined the army, when I graduated high school, when I had both of my kids (he was hoping to have DD on his 50th birthday... although not his bio grandkids he loves them as if they were) when I started dating a Marine who actually treats me good, when DF proposed and I said yes... (he wasnt so proud about my XH... nor was my own father and they both love DF so maybe I should have taken that as a sign? LOL)
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We are starting our blended family. DP had 2 kids. His kids are great and I think everything will be fine going forward. Both parents are a big part of their lives and they already have a step-father. The kids had said more than once they hope I will be their step-mother.

I do have concerns about DP favoring his first 2 kids over the baby. He has said things that make we worry about it. I just hope once the baby is here, he will treat all his children equally.

We told the kids about the baby this week, they are excited, but I don't think the younger one full understands yet. I think it will be more real for them when I start showing.
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