[tinyblackdot]

Just wondering if there are any other partners of musicians out there.....

 

[tinyblackdot]

none?

 

[oolongtea]

I am! He has his own band, is in another band, and writes music for films and commercials.

 

[tinyblackdot]

Yay!

DH has a band and works at Guitar Center......i am in CONSTANT competition with music! LOL!

 

[east carolina]

DH is a drummer in 2 local bands. He just got back from band practice now, actually!

How often to your DPs have shows? My DH has a show about once a month. Sometimes I struggle with feeling of jealousy because I am inevitably the one staying home while he's out having fun at concerts

Also, DS is nocturnal, which means that if DH is out all night I end up being the daytime and the nighttime parent and I get really exhausted.

Other than that, I'm really proud of him, I think he's a kickass drummer and I can't wait til our DC are old enough to go to shows with us!

 

[lrpurro]

My DH is a bass player and plays in several different blues groups here in New England. He gigs two or three times a month all year and up to as many as six or more times a month in the spring and summer.

When I worked full time, it could get very difficult to keep our work schedules and family needs in a good groove but we managed!

I do miss being free to just go to as many of his shows as I want, but the trade off is our wonderful DD!

Nice to see other music families here

 

[Drummer's Wife]

oh, I could've joined this tribe last year... I mean, DH still plays his drums but it's only for fun at this point. Not sure why I am even posting but I caught this from hitting new posts.

He was in a local band in Denver for 3.5 years and another one before that. So, for our whole relationship his drums (and bands) were his other love. His first band was considered hardcore music and his recent band was alternative/rap/rock (think hed-PE). They've done really well, actually and just opened up for wu-tang last week

but they have a new drummer as we moved out of state for a job promotion.

I have to say that as much as I want to support his talent (he really is a kick-ass drummer) I got upset when he mentioned auditioning for a couple local bands here. It was a long hard road at times balancing the commitment (time, energy, money) he had with his band and his responsibilities with his family. "But babe, it will all be worth it some day when we're really rockstars and you'll be living the good life!"

I know other dad's and husbands do a better job balancing the two but I am so happy with our life we have now that risking it by adding such a big thing makes me feel uneasy. SO, he's decided to take an extended break and concentrate on his family and career and I am beyond thrilled about this.

I do miss some of the excitement and when we had a sitter, rocking out watching my man do his thing but the drama and negative stuff that came along with it was too much at times (and thus, not missed at all, yk?) The practice 3 nights a week and 2-6+ shows a month sucked at times.

oh and man my kids used to get down to their music, they had several outside gigs like at car shows or festivals and it was cool cause the singer would make the explicit lyrics *family friendly* at those shows

They were the biggest smallest fans, for sure.

 

[tinyblackdot]

Well i am so glad im not the only one here that is stuggeling with a bit of um....resentment? twards Dh band........its be the ONLY thing we ever fight about! Seriously the ONLY thing!

Dh only plays show randomly, sometimes 2 shows a month sometimes no shows for 4 months, it just all depends.....but he does have practice one day a week for about 5 hours.....

 

[tinyblackdot]

Hey ill post my DH myspace link if yall will post yours...

 

[Drummer's Wife]

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinyblackdot Well i am so glad im not the only one here that is stuggeling with a bit of um....resentment? twards Dh band........its be the ONLY thing we ever fight about! Seriously the ONLY thing! .

ah, big

I feel ya, I do. It was the biggest thing we fought over (and often) and would have been the only thing besides money... but again, the lack of money had a lot to do with the band. well, money he invested into it constantly and the fact that I couldn't get a evening job or he a part-time because of the bands schedule. Any compensation they earned (you know, besides free drinks) usually went right into merch, recording, etc. so it wasn't helping our family out financially, more the opposite.

and sorry! didn't mean to sound all negative on your thread

clearly, I still have a bit of resentment... even though it's been almost a year since we moved. It's one of those, you can't get back the time you missed out on things I guess.

His band was this one: myspace.com/no1leftstanding

not in it anymore of course but it was is baby that he started and put a million percent of his effort into.

I'd love to check your DH's band out

 

[tinyblackdot]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife ah, big I feel ya, I do. It was the biggest thing we fought over (and often) and would have been the only thing besides money... but again, the lack of money had a lot to do with the band. well, money he invested into it constantly and the fact that I couldn't get a evening job or he a part-time because of the bands schedule. Any compensation they earned (you know, besides free drinks) usually went right into merch, recording, etc. so it wasn't helping our family out financially, more the opposite. His band was this one: myspace.com/no1leftstanding

OMG totally! I have to work my working around DH working with music at Guitar Center, and his band practice! Oh it makes me so mad!

I guess i am just supposed to word 2 jobs go to school, and take care of my DD the 1 day a week i will have with her, all so he can have music! ARGH!!!

Ok...let me collect myself before i go in the living room and start yelling at him to quit the band.......again! LOL!

www.myspace.com/itsunamericantobesad

 

[east carolina]

Cool, myspace links! Here are DH's bands:

Zeroking: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...endID=69011787

Ism: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm...ndID=366964714

I think being the partner of a musician is pretty hard if kids are also in the picture.

I'm a complainer by nature (trying to work on that), so I usually just whine to my DH about always being the one at home. But I wouldn't dream of discouraging him from doing what he does, and it's not like it he plays shows all that much anyways. Like I said, about 1 per month. But it's really more me venting rather than wanting him home. Practices I don't care about, and he has one on Saturday during the day and once a week in the evening on the same night I go to my tai chi class.

What I mind more is the actual shows. That's why I can't wait til my DS grows up a bit and can go to shows with me, because I just miss being the one with no social night life, especially since I really love going to shows and most of the people he is in bands with are also my friends and I never get to see them and he does.

Drummer's Wife, I hear ya on the money issues. My DH is in local indie bads, so "making it big" isn't even on the radar, but aside form free drinks, all the extra money he gets from shows (really not much), has to be spent on taxis for his drums. We also have the drums in our dining rook stacked on a bookshelf, because there are no secure practice rooms that he could afford where he could keep them.

But DS loves having drums in the house, and he definitely has a great talent for rhythm. looks like he's following in his Daddy's footsteps and it's so awesome. So I definitely don't want DH to stop playing. Just like if I was a musician or painter or whatever that took me out of the house I wouldn't expect him to stand in my way either.

But it is tough if you don't have a grandma/babysitter/nanny or whatever to help with the house and kids, cause if you don't, it's always you caught holding the bag, so to speak.

 

[Drummer's Wife]

Quote:

Originally Posted by east carolina I think being the partner of a musician is pretty hard if kids are also in the picture. But I wouldn't dream of discouraging him from doing what he does, and it's not like it he plays shows all that much anyways.

I agree it can be really hard when you have children. Pre-kid, I enjoyed it a lot more as it meant a lot of fun and new friends for me. Throw kids into the equation, consistent babysitter or not, and it gets a bit more rough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by east carolina But DS loves having drums in the house, and he definitely has a great talent for rhythm. looks like he's following in his Daddy's footsteps and it's so awesome.

aw, my kids love that daddy's drums are set up too. They are now occupying what is supposed to be the office and they enjoy banging on them. My DD is actually really quite good!

Quote:

Originally Posted by east carolina So I definitely don't want DH to stop playing. Just like if I was a musician or painter or whatever that took me out of the house I wouldn't expect him to stand in my way either.

This is a great point and one that I always reminded myself. Like when DH was talking about touring and I was like, uh no freakin way! you have a family you can't just up and leave to go hang out with the band and see the world! (not that they would have done it to that extreme w/out being signed, but still) Anyway, what put it into perspective for me was thinking if I had written a book and needed to go on tour to sell it like many authors do, I can't imagine DH standing in my way of fulfilling my dream! But to be honest, even if that was what I desired, I wouldn't be able to do it while my kids were young and I think that's part of the big difference. He on the other hand would likely drop everything at the chance of doing what he loves.

Quote:

Originally Posted by east carolina But it is tough if you don't have a grandma/babysitter/nanny or whatever to help with the house and kids, cause if you don't, it's always you caught holding the bag, so to speak.

and i would say it was about half and half for a while. We had someone to watch the kids for a couple shows a month, other times I was home for a good amount of them in a row. It wasn't so much the shows alone but the practices that went on for 3+ hrs/3 nights a week. AND then he was promoting and working on the website or obsessing about the band a great portion of the rest of his free time....

and fwiw, the shows his band plays tend to not get over until the bar closes or they play the last slot at a bigger venue (so 11:00ish if the noise curfew is midnight) SO add in tearing down time, saying hi to fans/friends, waiting around to count tix to get paid, getting equipment back to their practice site (we had a tiny apt), then driving home mean he was often out until 3 am or later. THAT was hard on me.

I think it can work out wonderfully if the musician can find a way to balance all the important things in his life. For the most part, I was very supportive but I do feel like I sacrificed a lot for the band, in a way I was married to them as well. The good thing is that if and when (I say when because I know DH will play again) he joins another band, I believe now he has a different perspective after being out of it and having heart to heart discussions with me. It's one thing when you are in the thick of it and it's another thing when you look at as an outsider. It's like when you are in love you are often oblivious to how things really are, yk?

now that I've rambled on enough

(thanks, this is like therapy for me

)

Tinyblack, I like their music, it's more my style. I didn't think there could be a longer name than no 1 left standing

the money or scheduling problems just adds to the stress and in a perfect world, where bills all get paid, babysitters are for sure thing while you work, go to school, get to go on dates with DH AND see as many of his shows that you want.... that would have made things much easier for me.

ha, and I still hide the guitar center ads when they come out of habit

please don't spend your paycheck there, please don't

 

[east carolina]

Yeah, therapy, this thread is great for me too (my post was pretty long as well).

I'm pretty lucky that DH's practices are 2 hrs. He's in two bands, so it's 2 hrs twice a week, but sometimes one of the bands will cancel practice if they don't need to for whatever reason.

Oh, yeah, when DH plays a show he often has to be there early because he lets the other band use his kit. And his bands usually go on last and they often play in little clubs that have no curfew (curfew here for noise is 10pm, so when he plays in a little joint that has to comply I'm always secretly relieved

). And then he has to take his kit apart and wait for a ride (usually FIL, who is often late), or call a taxi which will eat his share of the proceeds if there are any.

And then he comes home smelling like cigarettes and booze (you can still smoke everwhere here

, so he usually gets kicked out of bed because we co-sleep and I refuse to let DS breath his bar stinkiness

 

[Drummer's Wife]

Quote:

Originally Posted by east carolina And then he comes home smelling like cigarettes and booze (you can still smoke everwhere here , so he usually gets kicked out of bed because we co-sleep and I refuse to let DS breath his bar stinkiness

oh man, yeah that! alcohol + smoke + sweat (he would get completly soaked by the end of a set) = uke

I know you are exhausted and all but please go take a shower!

the drummer has the hardest set up and tear down, for sure. Plus he couldn't just get a ride with someone else or leave early cause he would never leave his gear anywhere...so same for showing up at like 5 pm for soundcheck even when they didn't go on until midnight.

It sounds like your man does well with managing two bands and his other commitments. I think that's great and reminds me that it definitely can be done.

 

[east carolina]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife oh man, yeah that! alcohol + smoke + sweat (he would get completly soaked by the end of a set) = uke

Oh Yeah! Pheeeeewwwww!

Do any your DPs have groupies? DH plays in 2 local indie bands, so it's not like that's a big groupie scene. Plus it's really small, everyone knows each other and he's totally not a flirter, everyone knows he's married, most of them know me. But once DH told me that after a show, some girl he didn't know came up to him and chit chatted and then said something about how he played really well and she liked his shirt. DH can be really oblivious and he came home and was like "huh, I guess she was hitting on me, wow!"

 

[oolongtea]

Wow, nice to see so many of us on here! I look forward to your wisdom because our baby isn't here yet...

My DH only tours once a year for a month or two at a time, so it's been the kind of thing we can plan ahead for. Luckily for me he hates playing in bars and rehearsing, so the whole "out late, coming home stinky" thing doesn't come up very often! Locally he'll only accept gigs opening for other bands at bigger venues and festivals, which seems to be better payoff for the work -- more exposure, better sound, more press, etc.

But when the baby comes he's going to have to find someone else to be a roadie, I think!

I would love to keep going to see him play but I will have my hands full.

www.myspace.com/camphorsongs
www.myspace.com/timesbold

 

[east carolina]

Oolongtea, sounds like your DH has a great band schedule. Sure, you won't be able to be his roadie anymore, but you could probably go with the baby to the open air festivals, most of the them are really kid friendly.

 

[almadianna]

moving to Parents are partners.

 

[ewink]

Hmm, not sure I belong on here, since both DH and I are musicians. We're classical musicians, if that makes any difference.
The only resentment I ever felt about him playing music (he plays for our church almost every Sunday and is the music director, also directs the choir) is mostly jealousy, in that I was/am jealous that he gets to play more music than I do!!! LOL
Now that the kids are getting older it's getting a little better though. I haven't been able to play my flute since December, but that's just b/c I had a groin hernia and then surgery. In 3 weeks I can play again, which I'm looking forward to. I'm hoping to start playing for weddings and some other gigs soon too. I also have been learning violin for almost a year now and just started taking some lessons.
Like I said, not sure that I exactly belong here...