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Discussion Starter #1
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">Hi I am a mom to a wonderful 5 month old daughter and we practice RIE <a href="http://www.rie.org" target="_blank">www.rie.org</a> techniques with her. We may start taking RIE parent-infant classes in September too!<br><br>
Any of you mams familiar with RIE & Magda Gerber?</span>
 
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I just joined a new RIE playgroup at a local Waldorf school. I've read through some of Magda Gerber's books, and it is a challenge for me to incorporate her teachings into my parenting. That is why I joined the playgroup. I am learning a lot about quietly observing dd and trying to facilitate uninterrupted play. But I'm not so sure I agree with some of her teachings on sleeping, etc.<br><br>
Do you think Magda's teachings conflict with AP? It seems that she is not a fan of co-sleeping and tons of babywearing, for example. What do you think?<br><br>
Thanks for starting this thread! I am hoping to learn more from you and other mamas about this topic!
 

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I'm familiar with RIE because we practiced it at the infant toddler center where I used to teach. I feel it worked well in that sort of group setting, but now that I'm a mom I have concerns about it because it seems antiAP espcially in regards to babywearing and co-sleeping. how do you incorporate RIE into your parenting?
 

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Discussion Starter #4
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">I don't personally feel RIE or Magda Gerber is anti-AP she does encourage independance which is the ultimate goal in every house at some point.<br><br>
I don't view that as anti-AP, I feel AP is about being "aware and attached" to your child and I feel RIE gives parents the tools to observe so they can be aware and attached. If you choose to co-sleep there will come a day your child will have to sleep alone... I think RIE just encourages your starting that way from day one. I view this the same as weaning from breastfeeding to the cup instead of to the bottle, then the cup....<br><br>
We are attached parents and have co-slept since day 1, we also practice RIE. My dd and I stand out at our AP playgroup becuase of the RIE class... in many WONDERFUL ways.<br><br>
One big difference between RIE and AP is the babywearing element that is where RIE and Waldorf are more in sync. Waldorf is much more RIE than AP!</span>
 

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Discussion Starter #5
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><span style="color:#800080;">Co-sleeping ~ In the book "Dear Parent: Caring for Your Infant with Respect" by Magda Gerber she says if co-sleeping is working for all members of your family then go ahead as I read it I did notice that is not her first choice but I also realize she was using these techniques in an orphange.... how could she say "co-sleep" when that is not what she practiced in her work... she never says where her daughter slept as a baby... they *might* have co-slept, we just don't know!</span></span>
 
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<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">RIE stresses being fully involved with your child during caregiving task that includes diapering, feeding, bathing, etc.<br><br>
In example when I change my daughter's diaper it is an event and it can take a few extra minutes to change her. This is an example of a diaper change with my daughter & I:<br><br>
"Mackenzie are you wet?" I ask. I wait for some response and even though she is 5 months old she does respond. Then I say "I am going to pick you up and get this wet diaper off you." and I reach my arms out to pick her up waiting again for a response from her. Then I pick her up, put her on her changing pad and tell her step by step what I am doing as I diaper her. Since my dd has very dry sensitive skin I often give her a quick massage w/ lotion again telling her step by step what I am doing. Then once we are done I may read a few books with her then put her down on a blanket w/ some toys near me so she can resume exploring... of course I am near by.<br><br>
Here is an example of a GREAT AP mom from my playgroups diapering process when I was over her house:<br><br>
Crystal and I are sitting on the couch and she is wearing her daughter Samantha. All of a sudden Crystal jumps up and says I think Sam has a poppy diaper. She then ask me if I mind her changing Sam's diaper in front of me, I respond it is okay with me...so she takes Sam out the sling puts her on the changing pad where Sam gets all squirmy, Crystal is prepared and has a mobile over the changing pad and turns it on... with Sam staring at the mobile Crystal changes the diaper picks Sam up and puts her back in the sling w/o saying a word to Sam.<br><br>
Now neither Crystal nor myself are perfect parents and both of these diapering times can be built upon however I personally really think that the "quality" of time matters. Both Crystal and I are WAHMs so this is not a WOH / SAHM debate.... Crystal gets her work done by babywearing and I allow Mackenzie to play on a blacket near me and take special times out to play with, read or caretake.<br><br>
Another example of this is breastfeeding.... I don't talk on the phone during feedings, I don't feed in a room full of people if I can avoid it (I just go off to a special corner, just me and my dd.), I don't watch TV or read email and type.... I am 100% with my dd, I may rub her legs or talk to her or examine her skin, but I don't rush thru it and I don't multi-task.<br><br>
Does them mean I am not attached? I don't think so. Actually I can read my baby amazingly well and I know when she needs to be held a bit more or a bit less and I take those cues from her.</span>
 

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What about things like baby seats? My baby (3 mo) doesn't usually enjoy having her space on her blanket to herself. If I lay her down she usually gets antsy if I'm not interacting with her. If I bring her into the kitchen and put her in the booster seat though she is happy to just be with me while I clean. My understanding is that Magda Gerber feels that babies should not be put into babies seats and that they should have time/space to themselves laying on a blanket. Somehow this doesn't seem to work for my baby. I do try to spend sometime everyday though sitting near her while she lays on the blanket and just watch her. Also in considering the two diaper changes I don't always feel that one way is better than the other. Their are times when a distraction from a boring task is perfectly respectful. It sometimes is respectful of their desire to keep playing to allow them to bring their toy with them when they go to get changed, even though they are then distracted from the situation. An adult example is when my husband talks to me and tells me jokes to distract me while a nurse draws my blood. I don't want a step by step explanation of what the nurse is doing because I know the routine. I want it done quickly and I want to be distracted from the pain. I guess my questions are: which parts of RIE do find the most useful/appealing? Are there elements of RIE that you don't believe in? Which ones? Outside of caregiving routines, how does RIE look in your home? Do you choose never to babywear? I'm really curious because I would love to be able to practice RIE and AP.
 

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OT but we're in SoCal too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter #9
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">Glad to have another Southern CA mom ~ I agree for the most part with my girlfriend's diapering example with one exception... I think it would have been nice for her to tell her dc she was going to change her, instead of talking to me like her dc was not there. Crystal is one of the BEST moms I know which is why I used her as an example.<br><br>
I don't have time right now to go into detail about what is RIE and not RIE in my parenting style but I will do so in my next post... tomorrow, okay.<br><br>
I do think RIE and AP can blend well to create balance and harmony. Many AP moms burn out at a point and RIE in my opinion gives tools to avoid burnout.... but that by far does not mean detached.<br><br>
This is a great article on AP and RIE<br><a href="http://www.onehotmama.com/ask-rox/question3.htm" target="_blank">http://www.onehotmama.com/ask-rox/question3.htm</a></span>
 

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I had never heard of it before... i'll have to look into it more... soumds like somthing i'll like, doubt there is a groups for it here though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LoveOhm</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8010417"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">Glad to have another Southern CA mom ~ I agree for the most part with my girlfriend's diapering example with one exception... I think it would have been nice for her to tell her dc she was going to change her, instead of talking to me like her dc was not there. Crystal is one of the BEST moms I know which is why I used her as an example.<br><br>
I don't have time right now to go into detail about what is RIE and not RIE in my parenting style but I will do so in my next post... tomorrow, okay.<br><br>
I do think RIE and AP can blend well to create balance and harmony. Many AP moms burn out at a point and RIE in my opinion gives tools to avoid burnout.... but that by far does not mean detached.<br><br>
This is a great article on AP and RIE<br><a href="http://www.onehotmama.com/ask-rox/question3.htm" target="_blank">http://www.onehotmama.com/ask-rox/question3.htm</a></span></div>
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Thanks for the article. I thought it was interesting tha she said she thought i was better for toddlers than non-ambulatory infants in some ways because I also feel this way. When a child can move away from mama that seems like a time when they need to be given space to be alone. I know the book <span style="text-decoration:underline;">You Are Your Childs First Teacher</span> also talks about both AP style parenting as well as RIE and says that finding a balance between the two is best, but to trust your mothering instincts. Unfortunately that was a very brief section, and I wanted to hear more on the subject. I wish there was a whole book on the subject of balancing the two styles.<br><br>
As far as the diaper changing, I agree that it's important to let them know that youre going to change their diaper and wait until an appropriate break in their play to do so. I guess where my issue came from was working in a particular childcare center where were not allowed to let a child to bring a toy with them to the changing area because they considered it against RIE philosophy. So here you have a toddler that is happily playing, you have to interrupt them from their play (of course you give them a few minutes warning, but eventually they need to come get changed) and they are afraid someone will take their toy while they're in the bathroom getting changed. My instinct says let them bring the toy with them as a reminder that they get to return to their play when they're done. However at this center we were not allowed to let the child do this because it was a distraction, and so un-RIE. I felt that ignoring the child's feelings in this way was disrespectful.<br><br>
But I think I will purchase one of Magda Gerbers books because I am still very interested in trying to incorporate RIE into my parenting. I am also looking forward to your next post.<br><br>
By the way do you live in LA? we live in the valley.
 

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<div style="font-style:italic;">I had never heard of it before... i'll have to look into it more... soumds like somthing i'll like, doubt there is a groups for it here though. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"></div>
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They may not have a group in your area, but you could order a book off amazon. Just search Magda Gerber. By the way my babe is a february '07 babe as well.
 

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I just wanted to see if anyone else out there was using RIE?
 

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Discussion Starter #14
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">Ooops I miss all this going on on this thread.<br><br>
I "do" feel there are some RIE parents that are extreme but I also feel that way about some AP parents too! I think you have to go with your gut feeling as a mom. Most people just want guidance but there is no PERFECT parenting path. For me blending the two styles is pretty natural....<br><br>
I naturally like to co-sleep, love to breastfeed, CD, be with my dd 98% of the time, etc. but I personally don't love babywearing (I am tiny w/ a huge ebf baby). Additionally I am the primary caregiver for my dd 24/7 since Dad works 16+ hour days and I'm a perfectionist so I would honestly have baby burn out if it were not for the RIE tools that I use.<br><br>
I have "seen" a difference of how my dd responds to someone that bends down to say "hi" to her vs. someone who speaks towering over her... I have seen her push herself to suck er toes, roll over, attempt to scoot but she does have a good amount of down time which works for us. At 5 1/2 months she helps me changer her diaper... it shocks people she will grab her feet and lift her bottom pretty much right on cue in the diapering process... the first time she did it I was in shock.<br><br>
btw - I personally like Your Self Confident Baby more than Dear Parent by Magda Gerber it just it a more clear read IMHO.</span>
 

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Discussion Starter #15
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">I doubt they have a group in Alaska but I would suggest maybe a Waldorf Toddler/Parent program when your child is of age if there is one in your area.<br><br>
While I am not quite sold on Waldorf yet, their Toddler/Parent program was not created by Steiner and is actually adjusted from RIE principles... it has MOST of the RIE principles in practice.<br><br>
Also "Your Self Confident Baby" by Magda Gerber is a great resource and good first step toward applying RIE in the home.</span>
 

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Discussion Starter #16
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>junipermuse</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8012968"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My instinct says let them bring the toy with them as a reminder that they get to return to their play when they're done. However at this center we were not allowed to let the child do this because it was a distraction, and so un-RIE. I felt that ignoring the child's feelings in this way was disrespectful.<br><br>
By the way do you live in LA? we live in the valley.</div>
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<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';">I personally feel it is not RIE to hand a child a toy while on the changing table or to hang a mobile over the changing table to "distract" them from a "boring" task. But I agree that it is rude to pull a toy from a child to change their diaper. What would I have done? Let's see, I would not let my dd sit in a pooey dipe too long and I am sure she would lose interst soon because that is what babies do <b>so I would wait</b>....<br><br>
If I could not wait (and that can happen sometimes) I would bend down tell Mackenzie that mommy wanted to change her diaper so we could get her nice a clean and then ask her could I pick her up.... if she still had the toy in her hand I would be 100% okay with that but if she dropped it, I would not pick it up and hand it back to her, I would however return her to her same play area after the diaper change.<br><br>
btw - I am located in Pasadena and love the Valley. What part of the Valley are you in? I may have a few resources for you.</span>
 

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Discussion Starter #17
Any other mamas use RIE?
 

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Hi, I'm an LA pregnant mama with a good book suggestion. I've been reading "trees make the best mobiles ( simple ways to raise your child in a complex world)" It incorporates a lot of the RIE philososphies but it doesn't seem so strict. There are things that make sense to me about both RIE and AP.
 

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Discussion Starter #19
<span style="font-family:'Comic Sans MS';"><b>That sounds like a neat book...</b> I love elements of RIE and AP but hate extremes. I will see if they have this book at the local library.<br><br>
Since you are in LA I suggest signing up for a RIE parent infant class I would say call when you baby is 3 months old and sign up when your baby is 6 - 8 months old ~<br><br>
I know some of the instructors are more extreme than others but the "tools" RIE helps parents with are a real life saver once they are becoming mobile. I am in Pasadena and have a GREAT instructor but my 1st one was.... off putting to put it nicely! Feel free to PM too.</span>
 

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You might have more luck posting in the Tribal Area (California/Nevada).<br><br>
I'm in Ventura County. I found out about RIE a few years ago and simply couldn't make the drive to LA for the class. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I think the problem is... it's not widely available.<br><br>
Does the RIE website have national class listings?<br><br>
I love learning about new things, so was really eager to find a local class. There is a local woman who is certified, but she couldn't find a place to teach it (that wasn't visually overwhelming I suppose.)<br><br>
Oh well. I would have liked to learn more about it in a class setting. I think I would have gotten more out of that then just the book alone.
 
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