Mothering Forum banner

1 - 10 of 10 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,069 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I thought I asked this question before, but I can't find my old post, so I'll ask again. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Are there any other SAHMs who had to *fight* (for lack of a better word) with their DP for the job?<br><br>
In our family, both DH and I wanted to be the SAHP, and we spent a LOT of my pregnancy working out who would be doing it. There were definitely reasons it would have made sense for DH to SAH. He's a teacher, which is a profession that is fairly easy to go back to later on. Also, he could substitute occasionally, for very good money, if we needed him to. And he would be an amazing SAHD. Truly.<br><br>
However, there were lots of reasons for me to be the SAHP, too. My job had really long hours, and I had a commute of 2+ hours per day. I also had to travel occasionally and work overtime on short notice. It wasn't a very family-friendly job at all. Plus, DH's job has a LOT of time off, which means that eventhough he's the working parent, he still gets a lot of time with DD - more than many, many working parents. I probably had the ability to make more money sooner than DH did, but his job was far more stable and predictable than mine.<br><br>
So, ultimately, we both decided that I'd be the SAHP. But it was a battle to get to that point! And I know that there isn't a day that goes by when DH doesn't get up out of our bed, and look at DD and I still sleeping, and wish he was the one getting to spend the day with her. If I could win the lottery, I'd want DH to retire, and maybe sub occcasionally if he wanted, but otherwise get to spend the day with DD and I. I feel so incredibly lucky that he *let* (for lack of a better word) me be the one to be home with her.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,773 Posts
No, I didn't have to fight. I have to fight with him to do any childcare for me, in fact. It is not his thing. I have a friend whose DH wanted to SAH but they are both working now. Of the SAHMs I know, the only fight most of them had to put up was to be "allowed" not to work and to SAH.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lurk.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lurk">:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,121 Posts
I think it was the right choice for you to stay home! It sounds like your working hours were too long. Your DH will have weekends, all those long school holidays, summers, etc with your baby. My DH is the major breadwinner so it never was an issue. I also babysit to make some extra cash.<br><br>
Your baby is really lucky to have 2 parents that love her so much and want to be with her all the time!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,570 Posts
Yep, I have to fight and I'm going to have to fight more in the future. Dh has this idea that I'm going to run out and get a job and leave the kids. He also has this idea that when they're "in school" I can work, as if they were ever going to be in school.<br><br>
We have a lot to discuss...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
865 Posts
Well, my dh kept saying he wanted to stay home!! But when it came right down to it, he felt I was the better choice.<br><br>
I could not agree more!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,231 Posts
It took a lot of negotiation. Both of dh's parents are doctors and pretty much never around so it took a while for him to see the value. Actually, I'm just now about to officially become a SAHM since I have to go in and quit my job this week before my maternity leave ends.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
742 Posts
Well, I'm still "fighting", but we're not fighting over who gets to do it - we're fighting over whether or not we have the $$'s for me to do it. I think we have the $'s, dh thinks I need to work a little longer - possibly till the next dc is born (dd is 6 months old and we're not planning on a sibling for at least another year and probably two years).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
612 Posts
This never was an issue with us. In fact, dh would be very upset if I decided to up and get a job outside of the home. It was also his idea to homeschool. We are lucky because these things are important to me too but sometimes (ie now, when dd has been whiney and clingy for weeks, all my college friends are doing fun and interesting things, we could really use the money...) I start thinking, maybe a part time job would be nice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,421 Posts
I don't think DH ever wanted to be the SAHP, although we both felt it was ideal for our son to be cared for at home by a parent. But the first four weeks after DS was born, DH really hated going to work every day (he hated his job anyway) and I think he was really struggling with feeling like I had it "easy" just being at home all day. Then he got laid off. I went straight back to work and he spent the next 9 months being a SAHD. It was really brutal for him at first and he basically got severe PPD. It was very hard on him to be the fulltime caregiver all of a sudden of a little creature who he loved to death but who couldn't talk to him or interact a whole lot and was also prone to long periods of barely-consolable crying. DS has been in daycare since 10 months old while DH is getting his business off the ground, and our goal is that within the next 3-6 months I will resign and stay home with him. At this point DH will *never* assume that I will have it "easy" not working, and he is glad that I want to do it. He has said tho that he hopes we can build up enough savings before we have our next baby that he could take a long-ish paternity leave himself and we could *both* parent the new baby together.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,322 Posts
It was never an issue here that I would SH. We decided that before we got married 8 years ago. Although DH is an awesome Dad and loves his little girl, he belongs working since he was the breadwinner and it would be brutal on him SH.<br>
He is wonderful about doing things and has always had DD on his own for at least 1-6 hours a week while I volunteer at church on Sun and a few hours a week I help out a Mary Kay director. Yesterday I was gone all afternoon with my mother so he came home early. They had a blast as he put it. But all day everyday- no!
 
1 - 10 of 10 Posts
Top