Any suggestions on helping dd sleep alone *a little bit*?

I was totally in the same position you are in a few weeks ago.

This is what worked (is working? it isn't totally fixed...) for us... First of all, we have her nap in the middle of the big bed. I would lay down and nurse her down and then carefully get up. At first, I had to pretty much stay in the same room as her (I read, or did painting projects) and if she stirred or made a sound, I had to jump over there and soothe her or she would wake. As time went on, I was able to move out of the bedroom, and her number of wakings has also gotten fewer. I'm still in the place of leaping up the stairs every time I hear her make a sound, but at least she's mostly sleeping by herself for that gap between her bedtime and mine, and it really is leaping up less than I used to be.

Good luck finding something you can use! Have you read NCSS, by the by? I found it pretty helpful, actually.

Julia

well 10months old is still pretty young - so I guess when you are trying to transition her she is still in 'light sleep' mode and has not yet moved into deep sleep ?? I cannot remember exactly my dd's pattern at that age but it might help if you can sort out how long it takes her to move into deep sleep - I think it maybe was around 45 mins for dd - and then you can try to leave her.
If she is deeply asleep she will not be aware that you have gone. Also, if you come to bed for the night before she comes into the next phase of light sleep then she will not be waking up suddenly and wondering where you are ....

this might not give you exactly the couple of hours that you want but it will give you maybe and hour or hour and a half to yourselves before going to bed

signs of deep sleep would be ; a change from light to heavier, slower breathing/in light sleep the eyes are in motion under the eyelids but this stops in deep sleep/ when you move away from her in light sleep she will stir and move/ in deep sleep she will just lie there and continue sleeping ....

Our DS is the same age as your daughter, and their sleeping habits sound very similar -- though in reverse! In only a very recent phenomenon, he'll sleep on his own in his crib (side-carred to our bed) for *maybe* an hour or so before DH and I go to bed. This is after I nurse (or, when that doesn't work, DH walks) him to sleep. On these occasions when we lay him down in his crib for bedtime, he seems to know where he is and allow himself to fall back to sleep. He doesn't sleep alone during the day. I hold him for naps (still trying to make time to make a mei tai, in which I hope he will nap), since he too *knows* when I lay him down -- even when it seems he is in deep sleep mode. I'd love to lay him in our pack 'n' play for naps, but he'll awaken instantly when I try to lay him down -- maybe something in the way I'm leaning over and laying him that long way down. ???

I've tried laying him down on the boppy next to me, and that used to work, but he's getting bigger and seems to want to stretch out and roll over if he's laying down (during which transition he'll often stir or awaken), so the boppy's out. (sorry -- way too many commas there!)

I've also tried (though not too recently) a suggestion I read here at MDC to make a little nest for him on the floor with blankets or something akin to that, but he'll only sleep there for maybe 20 minutes. In the interest of him getting more sleep, I've continued to hold him. Do you think your daughter might sleep on a little nest like that in the same room as you? It might help even more to scent the nest like you, as yogachick79 suggested, by lying on the blanket or whatever you're going to use.

All this to say -- keep working on it! We will too!

(VelmaLou: NCSS = No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley )

Thanks for the advice and commiseration (sp?) folks

I don't think deep sleep is her problem, or rather, that I am putting her down before deep sleep...sometimes one of us will be holding her for well over an hour, she'll seem like she's in a deep sleep... and I will attempt to put her down and she instantly wakes up!

Trust me, I will NEVER EVER cry it out or do anything else that is harmful to her emotionally to get her to sleep etc... I was just looking for a half hour with my husband

I will try the *nest* on the floor thing in the same room with us, but it seems (imo) not so much where she is sleeping, but where she ISN'T sleeping (in our arms LOL) that wakes her....

Oh well, I have read that around 10 months is the peak of attachment for babies (not that they need you less after, but at this time they are usually the most wanting of *togetherness* lol) ...so I guess we will just ride it out either way

Thanks again

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I have not read through all the comments so sorry if I'm repeating. I went through the same thing with DS. He is almost 16 months now. Where you choose to do this (because you said she moves alot?) is up to you. To get DS used to not being held at night while sleeping, I would wait about 30 minutes after he fell asleep. This is about how long it takes for deep sleep to occur. Then, if we were up at night and watching tv, I would just lay him beside me, on the couch, the floor, wherever. This way I could keep an eye on him if he woke up. After doing this for awhile (and it took alot of waking up because I was no longer holding him) he did get used to it. At the same time, he realized that we were right beside him so it wasn't a big issue. Transitioning to the bed took alot of attempts as well, but you'll get there. At 10 months, you may want to start (if you have not) playing alot of "peek-a-boo". It teaches your child that just because they can not see you does not mean you are not there. We also found that carrying him around all day (in a sling or what have you) had a positive impact as well. Good luck!

Ds is 20 mos now, and we are rarely far away when he's sleeping. I mostly am holding him or beside him, actually. lol He wakes up if he's put down too (unless I time it just right- 20 min sounds right. If I wait an hour, he wakes up immediately). Oh, something that helps now to put him down after he's asleep is to lay down on my back, with him laying on me. Then slowly rolling and moving him to the bed. Its less of a big transition that way. But then, if you don't want her alone in the bed, that won't help.
I swear he knew when I wasn't there, even in his sleep. And it freaked him out!! He won't sleep alone for naps either. lol
He was well over 1yo when he started being ok with waking up alone. And even then, I was there right away on hearing him stir. At 10 mos, the best I got was rolling over to read until I went to sleep. lol

Best thing I can tell you, is try at the right time of her sleep cycle, and try to make it a really smooth transition. If it upsets her, don't try again for a while (a week? longer?). Try again when you think she's ready.
When I was having the same issues, everyone kept telling me to "keep trying. He'll get used to it eventually" but that wasn't something I was willing to do. He'd get so upset if I left him, that he'd refuse to unlatch for the next few times he slept! He was making sure I didn't go anywhere.