Anybody else single, or sort of single? Or not?

396 Views 6 Replies 5 Participants Last post by *MamaJen*, Jun 20, 2007

MamaJen

Discussion Starter · Jun 19, 2007

I'm wondering what other single, or semi-single, or unmarried but partnered, or other non-traditional-family mamas-to-be there are in the December DDC. And more importantly, what their whole philosophy is on the baby in their belly.

Me, I feel really upbeat about this whole pregnancy thing. Generally speaking, I'm in a good place in my life in all the big arenas: I'm sorted financially and able to put a huge down payment on a house, my family's great and thrilled for me, I love my job of four years and my bosses are super-supportive, and I have a solid social network all around me. My boyfriend and I are both all giddy and excited about the baby. I don't have a relationship crystal ball, but whatever happens between us, because he's an all-around good guy, I think he'll be a positive factor in the baby's life. It's cool.

I've been lurking on the single-parenting board, but it's kind of a scary read. The posts tend to be about issues or problems from mamas who already have kids, and from the sound of it, a lot of really awful exes. Me, I'm in "woo-hoo, I'm having a baby!" land. And I'm not so naive as to think it'll be all bliss and ease being a semi-single mama, or even a married mama. But more than any other forum, I've been jiving on the joy and excitement and anticipation of the DDC.

So what's y'all's take on it?

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Nic 1103

· #2 · Jun 19, 2007

Well .. i know its different but im 21 and hubby 26 ... i was married at 19 the big wonderful wedding and alot of people still frown up on it that im even married already and then being pregnant at 21 ? and especially when we lost the first 2 .. some responses were shocking and i got sick of hearing 'your sooo young you have so much time to have a baby' .. especially when it was all planned by me and hubby?? doctors and nurses even said that to me too ... they even gave me condoms once when leaving hospital to 'prevent it happening again' !!!!! and one nurse once said to me when swapping shifts after my D&C 'so you have had an abortion then?' im surprised i didnt knock her head off !! but i just look at it .. we have been together 5 years, very much in love, married, both working in good jobs, have our own house .. and we have never been so happy and others can just think what they like ... my twin sister had her little boy at 16. Everybody had something to say about this including medical people and it was shocking .. but she has always had the support of her family and true friends .. and hand on heart she is one of the best mothers i know and her son, my nephew is such a clever well behaved little boy he's amazing and she stayed strong, the dad left her when she was pregnant ... shes always worked and provided for him and shes so strong, happy and he is about to start school now... her answer as always been its got nothing to do with anybody else ... and im proud in every way of her. And thats the way i look at it .. and like you say no one ever nows what is around the corner and we just have to go with it. Good luck to all us great mothers ... single, married, unmarried, young and everything else ..

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ohiomommy1122

· #3 · Jun 19, 2007

Well Im not officailly married ( legally) DH yes I refer to him as my husband
have been together for 9 years and and have 2 kids and 1 more on the way- we are boycottong marriage- I do not feel I need a piece of paper for him to prove his devotion to me- plus niether of us belive in God so marrige is just a tax break - but for us its cheaper for us NOT to be married DH is self emoloyed so his medical is SKY HIGH- so we have medical through the state and I get to get single mom grants from the state to go to school ! Some people think this is wrong but Im not lying about anything if you are not married you are considered single. We do not ever plan on getting married ONLY because I hate how society thinks i should BE MARRIED IF I live w/ a man and have kids.Maybe someday we will get married legally if it seems more tax benifical but otherwise we are boycottong marriage. I will not let society influance me into something I do not want to do.

We do consider eachother husband and wife though- I dont need a piece to tell me that.

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SheBear

· #4 · Jun 19, 2007

Totally hijacking here (sorry!) but:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nic 1103

....and one nurse once said to me when swapping shifts after my D&C 'so you have had an abortion then?'...

Ohmigosh! PLEASE tell me that there really AREN'T people out there who are so cruel and inconsiderate!!!

I mean, she had your freaking chart in front of her, right???? sheesh!

I'm so sorry you had to hear such a thing at such a sad time!

I would have turned it back on her.... "so, you have had a lobotomy then?"

:

Actually, that's what I would have WISHED I'd thought to say....most likely, I'd have just lain there with my mouth gaping and my heart breaking.

Okay, sorry for butting in!

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Nic 1103

· #5 · Jun 19, 2007

ohiomommy1122 .. good for you and i think its really good how strong you feel .. marriage was importnant to us but i totally understand what you mean too and like you so forget society its got nothing to do with anyone but you and your DH.

SheBear - thanks - she really was that cruel ! and i look back now and wish i had have decked her .. but i was still recovering and crying alot .. she didnt even apoligise for what she had said .. it was just pure 'oh right then' attitude not 'eeesh im really sorry' or nothing .. crazy hey but never mind what goes around comes back around (i hope) ..

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AGlimmeringHope

· #6 · Jun 20, 2007

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nic 1103

This is sort of my story as well. I was married at 19, DH was 22 (2 months shy of 23). We'd been together since I was 16...in fact in Sept we'll have been together for 7 years. Never a break up in there, either. I had Anna-Lee 3 weeks before my 21st birthday. Many people have told me if I were their child they would be so upset with me for being married and having a child already...because I guess they don't want their kids to do what's best for them as individuals and to be happy??? After my 3 losses this past year I heard a ton of "well you have plenty of time to have more kids...you're so young, enjoy your youth while you can" @@ It gets annoying and I just want to lob people upside the head sometimes! LOL

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MamaJen

Discussion Starter · #7 · Jun 20, 2007

Guess I'm kind of the opposite...I'm 28, my boyfriend is 31, and when I got pregnant I guess for the first time I thought, hey, I'm not getting any younger. Not that I couldn't have babies for another good decade, but it's easiest now. I've always felt really youthful, and with the exception of the professional job I've lived sort of like a teenager up till now. Lots of partying, dating, travel, fun. Now I feel ready to settle down a bit. If I was less established profesionally and education-wise I think I'd be more worried about being unmarried.
There are a million different ways to live your life while being a mother, and some are easier than others, but you can make all of them work. Younger, older, married, single, whatever.

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