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<p>Sooooooo....</p>
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<p>This is # 3 for me.  First was a planned c-section due to bleeding/vasa previa at 35 weeks.  2nd was a homebirth with an illegal DEM who was nothing but wonderful and amazing (no legal homebirth midwives in Chicago will take on a HBAC unless you have had a previous vaginal delivery)- though because she was illegal and did not offer any sort of testing or backup, I shadowed care with a hospital group of midwives until I was ABSOLUTELY SURE that I had no placenta issues as in the previous pregnancy.  I wanted a level 2 ultrasound and needed some type of 'legal' care to go about it.  At that time I had maternity coverage on insurance and we were not in a bad place financially, so I could afford the DEM and the midwives at the hospital.</p>
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<p>Fast forward to today... I am just about 17 weeks now.  I have been seeing a legal, CNM who does homebirths and lives right around the corner from me.  We no longer have maternity coverage on insurance and are in the poorhouse, so paying for her is a struggle, but totally doable.  The thing is, I do not see my self giving birth with this woman present.  She is lovely - really, a very nice, warm, pleasant person who I am sure is a very good midwife.  I just get the feeling that she might be a little more into the intervention than I would like.  As I was leaving my last appointment (literally coat on and keys in hand) she asked how I would feel about a student participating in my care and birth.  Now, I am an RN and have had to 'practice' on my fair share of patients so I very much understand the need for education.  But she also, in the same breath, said this would be IN ADDITION to the assistant she would be bringing.  A whole big audience!!  I already know she does a cervical check when she arrives and listens to the heartbeat during contractions in transition - 2 things I am not at all fond of.  Put it all together and I do not think this is the right provider for me.</p>
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<p>I have been thinking about UC for a while now... it has pretty much creeped its way into my brain and slowly taken over.  I am going to talk to my DEM from last time around and see what she thinks (I think she would be a part of the birth if I asked pretty please, but she is EXPENSIVE and we moved much further away from her since the last birth).  I know she will tell me that she has faith in me and my body and I should do what is in my heart.</p>
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<p>So, thus, here I am... on the fence but definitely leaning towards the UC side...</p>
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<p>Is anyone else struggling with their decisions?</p>
 

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<p>I was where you were literally w/ my third pregnancy. I had a c/s for twins, then a HB w/ a great hands off CNM. Third pregnancy we moved at 5 months. I saw a team of two midwives, loved one, did not click w/ the other. She was more medically actually as LM goes, more so than my CNM w/ my second pregnancy. Anyway, I secretly desired a UC, but was worried about all things how to cut the cord. Back then there was no internet or barely. I had my UC since I went so fast. I feel there was God's hand right there. It was just lovely. After the midwives arrived an hour later it felt like such an intrusion. They were kind, but just were in our intimate space and it felt wrong. Long of it is I've UC'ed ever since.</p>
 

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<p>After thinking about it a LOT, and visualizing my ideal birth, the conclusion that I came to is that I will be UCing as well. My oldest two were vag, unmedicated hospital births and the whole time I knew that I didn't need to be there for birth, but I couldn't afford a HB MW. My 3rd was a c/s for a breech. This will be a VBAC/UBAC. I am seeing a group of CNMs that only do hospital births and my insurance only covers hospital birth. There is absolutely NO way for me to afford a HB MW this time around either, and honestly if I could I still wouldn't want one present.</p>
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<p>I feel like I need to birth completely on my terms, in my own space, in order to feel safe and comfortable and for things to go well. I had been considering UC with my birthdaughter, but I was sure that her adopting parents would (a) totally freak out and (b) not allow me to feel comfortable in my own space so I decided against it. She was the breech baby so it ended up being a moot point anyway.</p>
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<p>The UC section here on MDC has a lot of great info. I've learned that, for myself, I need to feel confident in my choice and sure of what I'm doing and that is more important than pretty much anything else.</p>
 

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<p>Yes, I've found my tribe.</p>
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<p>I had a great (for what I knew at the time) home birth with my first. The midwife was pretty good personality-wise but I didn't feel the connection everyone talks about. I would have rather preferred her not be there but my husband was very uncomfortable with a UC being my first birth and pregnancy.</p>
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<p>Fast forward to now, I've grown a lot in 5.5 years and I really feel led to a UC. We are with another midwife who (as the OP said about her midwife) is simply lovely, nice woman, I think she's good at what she does, I "like" her and everything. It has nothing to do with that. I just feel very led to a UC. Not to mention that we have an incredibly high deductible (insurance changed on the 1st) and can barely pay her. Since I want her completely hands off, I feel kind of resentful paying someone to act as a witness and a "just in case".</p>
<p>Just in case of WHAT? Anything they would transfer for, I would transfer for. Anything they would call 911 for, I'd call 911 for, know what I mean? I don't even know if she is willing to be completely hands-off. She is very hands-off so far...Not to mention she is bringing her assistant which I don't care for very much <span><img alt="eyesroll.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="width:15px;height:15px;"></span>. Argh.</p>
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<p>Still, there are some fears from 30 years of society basically telling me women can't give birth without <em>someone</em> there, even a midwife.</p>
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<p>Do you want to make a UC tribe in our DDC? No pressures, even if some of us decide otherwise, it would still be a great place to chat/work things out.</p>
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<p>Thanks for starting this thread :)</p>
 

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<p><br>
 </p>
<div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Tumble Bumbles</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291108/anybody-feeling-unsure-about-their-choice-of-birth-location-provider#post_16181891"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Yes, I've found my tribe.</p>
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<p>Do you want to make a UC tribe in our DDC? No pressures, even if some of us decide otherwise, it would still be a great place to chat/work things out.</p>
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<p><span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);">I think a UC tribe in our DDC would be so great! I'm in!  :)</span></p>
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<p><span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);">I hear you on still having some lingering doubts about UCing after hearing for your entire life that women need the medical system "just in case". Even after working as a doula and everything I've learned through my midwifery apprenticeship and nursing school and what I know from my family (I was a homebirthed baby), I still have a tiny part of me that doesn't trust all the way. I'm working on that, but it's really hard to undo 30 years of cultural conditioning.</span><br>
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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>jshannyn519</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291108/anybody-feeling-unsure-about-their-choice-of-birth-location-provider#post_16181936"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>    Quote:</p>
<div class="quote-container">
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Tumble Bumbles</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291108/anybody-feeling-unsure-about-their-choice-of-birth-location-provider#post_16181891"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a>
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<p>Do you want to make a UC tribe in our DDC? No pressures, even if some of us decide otherwise, it would still be a great place to chat/work things out.</p>
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<p><span style="color:rgb(128,0,128);">I think a UC tribe in our DDC would be so great! I'm in!  :)</span></p>
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<p>Already done!</p>
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<p><a href="http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1267384/anyone-else-planing-a-unassisted-birth">http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1267384/anyone-else-planing-a-unassisted-birth</a></p>
 

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<p>I knew about that one, I just thought because the OP of that thread had a loss :( it might bring up some painful stuff if she saw it (in new posts or something). I have no idea, but if everyone is cool with that one, I'm fine with it!</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>Tumble Bumbles</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1291108/anybody-feeling-unsure-about-their-choice-of-birth-location-provider#post_16181959"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>I knew about that one, I just thought because the OP of that thread had a loss :( it might bring up some painful stuff if she saw it (in new posts or something). I have no idea, but if everyone is cool with that one, I'm fine with it!</p>
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<br><br><p>I didn't realise. How sad <img alt="greensad.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/greensad.gif"> I think your line of thinking and a new thread is best.</p>
 

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<p>I saw this earlier but couldn't post because of the kiddos.  I'm very relieved (?) to hear your feelings about your midwife.  I was with a group midwife practice last time and there were some I wasn't as fond of, etc., but I was just so absolutely thrilled not to be seeing an OB and having to go to the hospital that I could deal.  I knew I would do a homebirth this time around, but I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy about my midwife.  She's nice, kind, calming, etc. and she said she is very hands off (has been so far and I hope that is as hands off during labor as she says).  However, she has said a few things that simply do not settle well with me.  One of these being a transfer.  She wants me to go to the county hospital, that is far away from me (closer to her) and said that I wouldn't be able to room in with baby, nor will I be able to have my own room.  I am so very much not okay with this.  If I have to get transferred it's going to be traumatic anyway, I don't want the entire stay to be traumatic as well.  When I probed further into the subject, I felt like she just blew me off.  As much as I know the likelihood of getting transferred isn't great, dh and I simply can not live with going to that particular hospital.  I've since researched and found one closer that meets more of our qualifications and from what I've seen, is a bit more natural birth friendly.  All in all, though, she put all these negative thoughts in my head about the birth that I just haven't been able to shake and I know that is not good going in.</p>
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<p>I've read all your posts along the way about UC and honestly, think I could do it, but I'm just so worried about dh freaking out.  I don't think he would ever agree to it beforehand, but maybe if it just 'happened' he wouldn't object too much.  I would freak if he called an ambulance or something.  He doesn't seem like the type, but I have no idea what he would do in a stressful situation.  I felt so upbeat and positive the entire pregnancy last time and this time is just filled with anxiety.  That concerns me about how it's going to turn out.</p>
 
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