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I know I can't be the only one juggling eldercare, childcare, and being a good partner to my dp... I'd like to find some other folks to compare notes with.<br><br>
My MIL has been sick for years (cancer). She doesn't drive and she lives alone in a split level house. She's reached the point where she really needs to move out. If she didn't have stairs she could probably manage for a bit longer but with all of the stairs it's just not working anymore.<br><br>
Of course she doesn't want to move. We're not really sure how to deal with that.<br><br>
We also aren't sure what the best living arrangement would be. We have a full bathroom on our first floor (2-story house) and a first floor study that could be converted to a bedroom for her so moving in with us is a possibility. Some kind of assisted living apartment is also a possibility. Any pointers on pros and cons we should consider?
 

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Moving to Talking Amongst Ourselves since you're asking specific questions, and FYT is for daily chatter. Hope you find the answers you're looking for.
 

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She posted in Questions and Suggestions and was told to post in FYT <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 

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Thanks for letting me know! I'll look into that.
 

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I don't have any answers, but I'm kind of dealing with that now with my mom, and there has been a lot of emotional upheaval.
 

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Discussion Starter #6
I don't mind having it posted in TAO but I'm also hoping to find a "tribe" of people working through similar issues. Caring for MIL has been and will continue to be a long-term issue for my family.
 

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I found some good stuff at the AARP website. My mom is 82 and in okay health, but my dad is in a nursing home. She goes and visits him and stays most of every day with him. They live about 1.5 hrs from us. I try to go down every other week or so. We've talked a bit about them moving (my brother also lives in the same town I do and my sister lives 5 hrs away), but they're not ready to. They've lived in their town and the same house my mom still lives in for more than 50 years and I think it is daunting to think about leaving their whole network of friends, not to mention what to do with the stuff. I don't know if your DH has siblings, but the three of us have had some really tense times over this which I think is very common.<br><br>
I'll be in your tribe!
 

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I posted to your Q and S thread and linked to the Parenting Our Parents tribe. HTH!
 

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If she did come live with you, you could apply to see if your eligible for home care. I've worked in home support and it's an incredible service.
 

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Discussion Starter #10
Thanks, the parenting our parents tribe (<a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=796388" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=796388</a>) sounds like exactly what I'm looking for.<br><br>
Ultimately I don't think she'll decide to come live with us. I think I'd like it (I'm really blessed, she's a great MIL) but I think if you're not feeling well the last thing you want to deal with is 2 kids running around. We'll see. Right now she still wants to stay in her house. She's just not ready to accept leaving her house.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">My MIL has been sick for years (cancer). She doesn't drive and she lives alone in a split level house. She's reached the point where she really needs to move out. If she didn't have stairs she could probably manage for a bit longer but with all of the stairs it's just not working anymore.<br><br>
Of course she doesn't want to move. We're not really sure how to deal with that.<br><br>
We also aren't sure what the best living arrangement would be. We have a full bathroom on our first floor (2-story house) and a first floor study that could be converted to a bedroom for her so moving in with us is a possibility. Some kind of assisted living apartment is also a possibility. Any pointers on pros and cons we should consider?</td>
</tr></table></div>
Look into the cost of in-home care. My fil has this here in our small town. A gal comes in for 4 hours each day, monitors his meds and makes his meals. It has been a big help for him and an improvement in his overall health. We have him over for dinner on weekends.<br><br>
My Mom had a minor stroke a few years ago and we moved her into a retirement living residence from their home (my Dad refused to move with her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> ). She could no longer maintain the house or deal with the stairs. We bought into the place for $120,000 with $900 per month maintenance fees. We paid for the buy-in and my Dad paid the monthly fee.<br><br>
This was 90 miles away from where we live.<br><br>
The retirement apartment was great for several years. She could clean it herself and had nobody she had to cook for daily (meals in a central dining room, great food!). She thrived. We visited her every two weeks, at least.<br><br>
Then, in July 2006, she had another, bigger stroke. This one affected her memory and we were greatly concerned about her ability to care for herself and if she would wander. She had to go into a dementia care facility. We had room her at our home. However, at that time, I was going through some health problems and knew this would not work. She has done okay at the dementia care place, but not wonderfully. We continued to visit her every two weeks and I talked to her every day.<br><br>
The day after Thanksgiving 2007. I called the local assisted living residence here in our small town. An apartment was available and she moved-in on Dec. 1st. She is now 8 minutes away from our front door and we can see her every day. If I don't go out, I call her twice that day.<br><br>
Assisted living isn't cheap. Where my Mom is now, in a studio apartment, with minimal care needed (she's doing great), runs around $3,000 per month. That's out-of-pocket as she doesn't qualify for Medicaid (my parents are worth too much!). It was almost $4,000/month at the previous place.<br><br>
Having your mil move-in will be difficult. Do you have a wonderful relationship already? Becoming her caregiver will change whatever dynamic you have now. It will not be easy, either way and, if you are a sahm, it will affect <span style="text-decoration:underline;">you</span> the most. Are you up to this? Will your dh really help and be supportive? How will this affect your children. You need to be realistic and sit down with the family and discuss the entire plan and listen to everyone's feelings on it. Are there siblings that will help financially, as well?? What kind of assistance will she need (bathing, dressing, monitoring medications)? Is your home set-up for whatever she may need (handrails, non-skid walking surfaces, handicap-accessible fixtures in the bathroom). You say she has cancer (I'm so sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> ). As her condition worsens, what affect will that have on your dh and children? This puts an incredible strain on any family, and even more so when it is right in front of you, 24/7. Hospice care can be of great help.<br><br>
Feel free to pm me if you have any questions.
 
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