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So, I recently chopped off all my hair. It was to about the middle of my back before. I have had it varying lengths, but never ever as short as I have it now. I think about 2" below my ear lobes was the shortest I've had it til now.<br><br>
So I have had this exact same conversation with probably 10+ people:<br><br>
Me: So I'm thinking about chopping my hair really short.<br>
Them: Oh yeah? I've always been too scared to do that....Will your DH be <i>okay</i> with that?<br><br>
Not "What does he think?" or "Does he like short hair?" but "will he be okay with that?"<br><br>
The fact that this many people think that way really irks me. It's MY hair!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"> And besides, DH encouraged me to do it because he thinks it's more practical unless it's cold <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">.<br><br>
Not to mention 5 or so people who have told me that I'll need to "girlie" myself up some kind of way to keep from looking too masculine. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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I have chopped all my hair off in the past, and it hasn't bothered me when people asked me what DH thought.<br><br>
It's a big change. DH shaved off his goatee a couple of weeks ago, and it was so hard to look at him because he looked SO different to me. In 12 years of marriage it was the first time I'd seen his chin! I was thrilled when it grew back!<br><br>
So I can kind of understand others wondering what your partner would think of drastically changing your look. Saying that you would need to "girlie" yourself up however...that's just weird!
 

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"Well, if he's NOT okay with it, it'll look pretty silly as his justification for divorcing me and I'll get all the money."
 

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My MIL asked me if my husband was okay with our first child being a girl. I was pissed.<br><br>
I can understand the hair question. While it's undeniably your body, I would prefer to not have hair my husband hates. Try and think of it being phrased in a way you'd prefer. Asking if he likes short hair doesn't bother you, and that's likely what they really mean anyway.
 

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On the one hand yes, but on the other hand when my DH grew a beard apparently the most random people said "are your sure your wife is okay with that?" or "what does your wife think of it?" in a jokey/disapproving way.<br><br>
I think it's a way for people to passive aggressively air the fact that they themselves don't like a style. Whatever their motives, it's an obnoxious thing to say.
 

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<span>Who cares if your dh would be ok or not it's your hair, madness <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br>
i died my hair black knowing my at the time partner (my lo's dad) wouldn't like it because he preferred my hair blonde, did i care? no way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">l<br>
why would need to "girlie yourself up" do girls/ladies not have shourt hair</span>
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>InMediasRes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15396099"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
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Me: So I'm thinking about chopping my hair really short.<br>
Them: Oh yeah? I've always been too scared to do that....Will your DH be <i>okay</i> with that?<br><br>
Not "What does he think?" or "Does he like short hair?" but "will he be okay with that?"</div>
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Yes, it definitely bugs me. I buzzed my hair a couple of years ago, and I got the same thing. I didn't mind it when people asked if he liked it, but when they put the emphasis on his opinion, as if his opinion should be my <i>mai</i>n consideration, it really bothered me.
 

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Yes, I know what you mean! I keep my opinions to myself about his clothing and hairstyle choices (if the t-shirt with a wolf on it met an untimely death, I may not be able to contain my joy... but that will never happen. He won't see this <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">) and I expect him to do the same. That is, unless either of us asks in which case we both expect an honest answer. His mom wants him to shave his beard off and keeps trying to get me to weigh in in her favour. I told her I don't want his opinion on what *I* should shave, so she's on her own <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/whistling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="whistle">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>blizzard_babe</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15396164"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">"Well, if he's NOT okay with it, it'll look pretty silly as his justification for divorcing me and I'll get all the money."</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumbsup.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbsup">
 

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I cannot tell you how many times people have asked if I was "OK" with dh beard. I love it! I suggested it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> won't tell you why.<br><br>
I do think dramatic changes in looks should be discussed........at least forewarning is nice.<br><br>
I know one woman who wanted to change and brought it up to her husband. He told her the cut would look horrible. He scoured the mags and found a hair cut that looked AWESOME on her. She agrees his assessment was correct.<br><br>
I shaved my head once. My son was very disturbed by my drastic change. I would consider my kids opinion after that experience.
 

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I was asked <i>in a job interview</i> whether or not my dh would be "ok" with me taking the job.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
OP here. Yeah, I'm totally on board with discussing big changes with DH. But the tone of these comments doesn't seem to be about that. To me, it feels like it's about me not being able to make my own decision.
 

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hate that...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> aggggh dont even get me started LOL LOL . I do whatever I want. My dh just deals he's a good sport lol <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">
 

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I just had to respond because something my 'ahem' crazy mother said reminded me of this situation. When I was about 4 months pregnant and on bedrest with my first pregnancy she asked my DH "what do you think about Tracy getting to lay around and get fat for the next 5 months?" And she was not kidding! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I think that in a healthy marriage, the most likely scenario would go something like this:<br>
Wife "I am thinking about cutting all my hair off. What do you think"<br>
Husband" You are beautiful no matter what hairstyle you have."<br>
The End. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>tracymom1</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15396893"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I just had to respond because something my 'ahem' crazy mother said reminded me of this situation. When I was about 4 months pregnant and on bedrest with my first pregnancy she asked my DH "what do you think about Tracy getting to lay around and get fat for the next 5 months?" And she was not kidding! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"><br><br>
I think that in a healthy marriage, the most likely scenario would go something like this:<br>
Wife "I am thinking about cutting all my hair off. What do you think"<br>
Husband" You are beautiful no matter what hairstyle you have."<br>
The End. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"></div>
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at the last bit lol<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/angry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="angry"> @ your mom wth!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>neetling</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15396228"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">My MIL asked me if my husband was okay with our first child being a girl. I was pissed.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bigeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bigeyes"><br><br>
STBX had/has a full beard. Very Grizzly Adams like. I once went with him to the barber and the man asked ME what I wanted him to do to STBXs beard and hair <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> And everyone was always asking him if I was okay with his beard the way it was, etc. For the record, I preferred the beard and I hated it when he did shave it because honestly, it did not look like him at all.<br><br>
But anyway, he hated my hair short, so every time he was mean to me, which was often, I would trim it!<br><br>
ETA: Now that we are divorcing, I am growing it out again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I cannot tell you how many times people have asked if I was "OK" with dh beard. I love it! I suggested it won't tell you why.</td>
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EXACTLY! I asked my DH to grow a beard and it's beautiful. He told me that people ask him if I'm OK with his beard. He says, "It was her idea" and they are always shocked.
 

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People asked me if I was okay with dh shaving his beard when he did that. Same difference.<br><br>
It's a matter of "you're going to look totally different than you did when your SO met you. are they okay with that or do you need to talk with them so more?"
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15396809"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I was asked <i>in a job interview</i> whether or not my dh would be "ok" with me taking the job.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"></div>
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A job where that's relevant? Like lots of travel time, long hours, mandatory spouse attendance at company events??<br><br>
I know I was asked about dh joining the National Guard, because, well, duh <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> But even more normal jobs can have stress factors where it's necessary for the whole family to be on board or the employer risks having the person leave because they didn't realize how disruptive it was going to be.<br><br>
Now, if I got that sort of question with a normal 8-5 sort of job, I'd look at the interviewer incredulously and ask them to clarify the duties and hours. Because it'd be horrible to think I was interviewing to be a receptionist (e.g.) and then end up with a job as a traveling salesperson (e.g.), y'know?
 
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