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Not sure if this belongs here...<br><br>
My dh works while I am SAHM with our 11 week old. He sleeps in a separate room because our dd wakes frequently at nighttime. Usually, I let him sleep when she wakes, but last night (or early this AM) I had been up for 2 hours with her and just was so frustrated that I woke him to take care of her. I felt guilty about it because he didn't sleep from the time I woke him to when he had to leave for work. Anyone else encounter this?
 

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I've done it once or twice. I don't think it's that unfair (although, yes, I did feel guilty about it at the time) as long as it's only when you are really at the end of your rope and it doesn't happen all that often.
 

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I didn't feel guilty about it. I wouldn't have made it through those early weeks without dps help. And as far as I'm concerned, we both had to work the next day-he had to go out and I had to look after the kids <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">.<br>
A
 

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Yeah, it's a tough one. I do feel guilty about it, but sometimes I also feel angry that no matter how much I am up at night he never gets up and offers to help.<br><br>
Dd is pretty attached to me and usually won't fall asleep or even calm down for dp; especially at night. I can't sleep while she's crying, so it seems kind of dumb for me to bother waking him up.<br><br>
I do wake him up when I really need him, and early on he would stay up until 2am or so taking care of her/watching her sleep/napping with her in the living room while I got a good stretch of sleep. That was awesome! But then he went back to work.<br><br>
I don't think we should feel guilty, I mean, we parent all day on not enough sleep, so why shouldn't they work all day on not enough sleep from time to time?
 

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I feel guilty when DD wakes DH, esp. since he usually has to be up at 5AM for work.<br><br>
So I'm usually walking the circuit w/her through the house at all hours since I feel horrid if she wakes him.
 

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I do feel guilty about it and have avoided it for the most part, even though I think it's only fair that dh should help, I mean taking care of a baby is hard work too! I do ask him to hold her after the last feeding of the evening (she has reflux and has to be held upright after eating) to give me a head start on sleeping, but that's at 10PM and he'd usually be up then anyway. He's grumbled about it though! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll"> Having him help that way, earlier in the night rather than later, makes me feel less guilty about depriving him of sleep.
 

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No, I don't. DS is his son too. I work all day taking care of DS and the house just like he works all day out of the home. I don't think that just because he makes money and I don't that he should get out of parenting during the night.<br><br>
But - he won't get up anyway. When I wake him he says, "I'm too tired, I can't get up" or he likes to shove me and say, "DS is crying, better go take care of him" even though I'm already awake and taking care of it. Makes me a bit resentful even though he's a fabulous dad during the day. Once in a while, if I really can't take it anymore and DH won't get up, I'll rip off all his covers (wakes him up a bit more so he's a little more coherant) and tell him I really NEED him to help, and then he usually will.
 

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No I don't feel guilty. I need to be able to sleep and be functional the next day too. Taking care of children is no less important than working for pay.
 

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I don't feel guilty about it. We both know I only do it if I really need the help, and of course if there's a chance he -can- help. (Like a PP, I can't sleep if dd is crying anywhere in the house, and she doesn't take a bottle or paci, so...)<br><br>
Now, I -do- sometimes feel like a bad mom, or like I'm failing when I wake him. Like I'm not living up to the challenges of a not-particularly-difficult child. But, what are you going to do? There's no point in martyring myself.
 

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SAHM is a job, too! We need sleep to care for our little ones. Don't feel bad about it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And the night waking doesn't last forever! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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My DH works shifts away, so when he's home, I don't feel guilty about that. I used to feel guilty about it when DD was nursing at night, just because it was so easy for me to get her back to sleep, but once in a while we'd have a bad night and I'd leave them in the bed and go sleep on the couch. No guilt there. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
He always wanted me to wake him up if I needed him.
 

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I have had a big problem with this since DD2 was born.<br><br>
She is now 9 mos old and I still haven't gotten comfortable with waking DH when the nights get too difficult. Even though I have been on the brink of nervous breakdown due to sleep deprivation...even though I've gone 72 hours without sleep...I just can't bring myself to wake him.<br><br>
Because he is the one who has to get up and go to work. He's the one who has to be out of the house as a specific time and doesn't have the option to take a nap.<br><br>
We were having a particularly difficult time because he was always making plans for himself (or all of us) on the weekends, and the plans would require him to be up and out of the house before DD2 would wake up, meaning that even though he went to bed at an early hour and could have gotten up with the baby so I could actually get more than 3 hours uninterrupted sleep, he was gone and I was still the one waking with the baby in the morning.<br><br>
I'm hoping we've turned a corner after this past weekend where he stayed home all weekend and took care of the babe all day on Saturday and Sunday so I could sleep...and sleep I did. Whew! I can't believe I actually got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I even felt rested when I woke up!!
 

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I definitely feel guilty and I rarely do it. Dh has to be up and out of the house early in the morning. He has to stay awake all day, despite how much sleep he gets at night. I can sometimes get all the kids to nap/have quiet time at the same time and sneak in a nap. So, I don't wake him.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>the_lissa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10733753"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">No I don't feel guilty. I need to be able to sleep and be functional the next day too. Taking care of children is no less important than working for pay.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
ETA...he can always power nap at lunch for 30min to an hour, and he can go to bed early if he needs extra rest. I just don't think it matters either way. Of course there are crunch times when more rest is needed, but overall...it's his baby, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I don't feel guilty. DH and I share the nighttime parenting - neither of us gets the opportunity to nap during the day, so we take it in turns usually.
 

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I would much rather wake DH then have my son being taken care of by a frazzled, barely-hangin-on, totally frustrated mama.<br><br>
Our most stressful time has been that prior to bed time, sometimes as late as 12 and I have often done the hand off so I can lay down for a bit. DH understands that I need a break too. In the middle of the night I dont really wake dh to help, because I would just lay there listening and awake, but I have woke him up just to say "He's making me crazy tonight." I am calmer when I get it off my chest.<br><br><br>
Also, all mothers are working mothers, as my clever diaper bag button says.
 

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I've found that my husband is a better night time soother than I am. (With the exception of nursing.) With our first child it was more of an issue, who needed the most sleep, but this time he knows how it is for me and offers to help even when I don't want him to! I think it became a special time for him to be plugged in and get some good bonding time with the baby. Plus he drops back to sleep in an instant and it takes me forever!<br><br>
I never feel bad. Being a stay at home mom is like 2 full time jobs. The least your partner can do is share night duty.
 

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I generally try not to wake DH up, the babes don't want him any way, they usually just want to nurse. So whats the point of waking him up? Even our newest who thinks the sun rises and sets on DH will scream bloody murder if he tries to soothe her at night. Day time is Daddy time, night time is nursing time.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>isabel'smommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/10732023"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Not sure if this belongs here...<br><br>
My dh works while I am SAHM with our 11 week old. He sleeps in a separate room because our dd wakes frequently at nighttime. Usually, I let him sleep when she wakes, but last night (or early this AM) I had been up for 2 hours with her and just was so frustrated that I woke him to take care of her. I felt guilty about it because he didn't sleep from the time I woke him to when he had to leave for work. Anyone else encounter this?</div>
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I wouldn't feel guilty at all. I used to be the WOH parent and DH was the SAH parent and I was up all night with DD cause I was the one with the boobs. Since when does he get a "get out of parenting free ticket" just because he leaves the house for a few hours a day? If it were you trust me you wouldn't get one.
 
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