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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm almost 34 weeks, and I often cringe when I hear myself speaking to dd lately. I feel good overall with this pregnancy (no big stressors, etc), but just don't feel I have the coping skills I should have for normal pre-school behaviour. I think that it is normal for me (maybe most pregnant women) to get really internal toward the end - and there is nothing like an almost four year old to keep you from getting too deep within yourself


I feel horrible that during our last weeks together I'm so snappy and impatient and resorting to parenting that is so out of line with my principals (and what she is accustomed to).

Just looking for a listening ear I guess, and to hear that maybe others went through the same thing in their third trimester....

Jeanette
 

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I'm in my second, and having the same problems... DD is two and VERY spirited, with sensory issues - my nights are often spent alone (DH works later shifts) and I'm often feeling really burnt out by her.

Before, I had so much more patience, but now I feel like my fuse is nonexistant!! Especially since nursing is one of the only ways she'll calm down, and it's SO painful. It feels like knives cutting through me. I want to cry every time she latches on!

Anyway...
for you, mama.
 

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I am 24wks and have experienced a drastic decrease in my patience, mental energy and often my resourcefulness. I can only assume this will continue. . . I'm wondering if this is nature's way of transitioning from our full attention on one child to two? Hang in there - try to take a deep breath (or 50) before answering.
 

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I experienced this with dd #1 during my second trimester, and it continued until just after dd #2 was born. One day I realized how distant I had become from dd#1, and I made an effort to reconnect. That being said, now that a bit of time has passed and dd#2 is almost 3 months old, I do have days when I feel VERY disconnected with dd#1 again. I think it's learning how to juggle, and also, it's just impossible to have the same relationship with dd#1 that I used to have. There's a whole other person in the mix who needs me now. Am still trying to figure out ways to give them both what they need all the time. Most likely, it's impossible.
 

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Oh god yes! I'm 40+ weeks and it has been VERY hard to summon the patience and playfulness through this pregnancy!

The biggest problem is that it creates a death spiral where I'm pissy and he's pissy, and I'm pissier and he's pissier, etc., etc.... UGH. We all do so much better when I'm feeling better.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
So good to hear I'm not the only one experiencing this - thanks so much mamas...sometimes not feeling alone makes all the difference in the world - even if nothing else changes.

Monkey's mom - the DEATH SPIRAL...I like that, and can so relate. WE do feed off each others moods - and I think that dh has been having an easier time with their relationship lately just because of this...she knows her mommy is different somehow and she's reacting to it. I wonder - is a transfer of allegiance to the other partner also normal toward the end of pregnancy/with the birth of a second baby?

Jeanette
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by JeanetteL
So good to hear I'm not the only one experiencing this - thanks so much mamas...sometimes not feeling alone makes all the difference in the world - even if nothing else changes.
:

I really did think it was just me. I'm only 22wks & I have days--like today---where i'm so irritated with toddler behavior. I feel like a bad mommy when I snap. I just hope it gets better.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by JeanetteL
I wonder - is a transfer of allegiance to the other partner also normal toward the end of pregnancy/with the birth of a second baby?
I would vote "yes." A baby must have his/her mama, must have his/her needs met, NOW. I think it's natural for the instinct to be to take care of the baby first, and everything else...including your other children...can get taken care of whenever you can fit it/them in.

I wish this weren't the case, because I do have to fight my instinct to coo and smile at the baby all day long. I must make sure I am giving a lot of attention to my 2 1/2 year old, because she needs and deserves my attention too. And yet I want to give most of my attention to my baby...my oldest gots tons of attention as an infant, I want to do the same for my second daughter.

So in the end, I struggle daily with trying to give my all to two different people (my poor husband comes in third these days), and I end up losing my pateince with my oldest more often than I'd like. And yes, the spiral begins for us in the late afternoon/early evening, when we all get tired and cranky.
 

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You are not alone! I usually lurk on the birth boards, and though of posting there, but then saw your thread on the way down and just had to read through. I am 37 weeks, and have two boys, 5yrs and 2 yrs, and feel guilty nearly all day long because of my sudden lack of patience with them.

I think you're exactly right about the need to turn inward at the end of pregnancy -- that's definetly a part of it for me. I get extremely tense these days at loud noises, especially constant loud talking/arguing and that's hard to get away from with my two boys! I find that if we can get outside I feel much more at peace and less bothered by the noise, but it's been hot here, and I'm having a hard time finding a comfy way/place to sit outside.
 

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You're normal.


In my case, I didn't have that issue during pregnancy, since mine were very easy pregnancies. I found I had that issue after the baby was born, b/c of the affect of sleep deprivation, and trying to now care for more than one child.

So, word of warning... just be aware of that possibility after the baby comes.

Tammy
 

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... not only in the last trimester, but also the 4th trimester, too
seriously, i found myself with *very* little patience and GD during the first few months after ds was born. (i still struggle, but on the whole, feel much better about my use of GD now than late preg. and early infant stages)

hugs to you...you're perfectly normal!
 

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I'm in the same situation. I feel guilty about my lack of patience with ds and my temper over stupid little things that ordinarily wouldn't bother me.
 

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You are not alone.

I am 30 weeks and have a 22MO son who has way more energy than I do right now. I find I ride emotional waves....sometimes smooth and peaceful, other times, a bit rocky and rough. I work on being the best mommy that I can be RIGHT NOW to him.

And the nursing thing? Although the PAIN has lessened immensly, I still have moments where I just want him OFF MY BODY.

The protective instinct is for survival of the newborn and makes sense to me, but does not stop the worry and saddness I sometimes have when thinking about my DS and HIS needs. Then there is DH...who is, as PP said....last on the list to be cared for. *sigh*
 

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Hey Jeanette! Congrats on your pregnancy. New bum to diaper, huh??


My third trimester was hellish. We moved from the US to Canada when I was 32 weeks pregnant. I had to set up a home. DD suddenly started waking every hour bawling, wanting to nurse, my nipples hurt like hell and my whole body was sore from lack of sleep. Turns out her molars were coming in - 3 at once!! It was a really rough time, and I did a lot of crying about how I was handling things in the middle of the night.


It did pass, thankfully. But you know, with two kids I found my stress levels were much higher. Or maybe my threshold was lower. It was a rare day before DS was born that I ever raised my voice. In fact, I'd never yelled at DD before my son was born. Now it happens from time to time, and mostly what I've learned to do is give myself permission to be stressed out, to have not-so-much control over my emotions and my tongue. I do try to recite "mantras" when I feel I'm about to say something I'll regret...seems to work some of the time. Or I tell DH that I'm in crisis mode and if he doesn't take over for a minute I'm going to say something I'll regret. "Honey! 9-1-1!"
 
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