[mags]

Just curious. I just announced my pregnancy to my side of the family about a wk ago. I found out this wk, that my brother's wife is also pregnant. Her edd is only a few days from mine. My mom called me to bug me about when my edd is, so she can, "plan." I got really annoyed with her, b/c with a 3 day difference in edd btwn my sil and I (this will be sil's first baby too, my third), I think it's dumb for my mom to try to, "plan" anything out, since there is no telling when either one of us will have our babies. In the past my mom has gotten on my case about the edd, she acts like it is accurate, when we all know it isn't. My last two babies both arrived 7 days prior to their edd, non-induced. We live an hr from my parents', my brother and sil live several states away, it would req getting on the plane to go to my brother and sil's (sil's family are in the same city as my parents' so they would have to travel as well). I think it is kind of ridiculous at this point to even try to plan anything and I'm already feeling like this is going to turn into some sort of competition of whoever has a baby first will be the one who my mom will help and the other person is just going to be SOL and I'm resenting it. When I was pg with my first, my cousin found out she was pg too. Her edd was several wks after mine, but her son was born premature. It was a big joke that they, "beat" us and we, "copied" them, b/c we had a boy, just like they did. What is the deal with family acting like idiots when there are two women who are both pregnant and due about the same time???

 

[Quindin]

My sister had a baby around the same time as my brother's wife.
My sister had 2 children already, and this would be a c-section (a medical necessity... ut it means a much longer recovery time)
My SIL only had 1 kid and this would be a vaginal birth.

Anyway, not only did my mom stayed with my brother and his wife for over 2 weeks, cooking cleaning and doing all kinds of things to help (poor J and C out ), my sister, who was recovering from huge stitches and an infection, was only visited for a few days, and ended up having more work than help

It sucks how some parents take side, but it sucks even more when it is a daughter-in-law getting more help than the daughter, because the son happens to be mommy's favourite...

I think you are lucky she is even considering coming to help both

I am luckily far, far away from all this drama.
I have given birth around the same time as my relatives, but DH and I are always by ourselves anyway because of distance.

 

[DizzyMissLizzy]

I totally feel your pain and send some

s your way!

When I was pregnant with my first, my sister, my brother's wife, 3 of my cousins were all due within 6 weeks.

With all 3 of my kids I have been due with either my sister or my brother's wife.

This one I'm finally alone and it seems lonely so TRY to have some fun with it!

 

[mags]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quindin My sister had a baby around the same time as my brother's wife. My sister had 2 children already, and this would be a c-section (a medical necessity... ut it means a much longer recovery time) My SIL only had 1 kid and this would be a vaginal birth. Anyway, not only did my mom stayed with my brother and his wife for over 2 weeks, cooking cleaning and doing all kinds of things to help (poor J and C out ), my sister, who was recovering from huge stitches and an infection, was only visited for a few days, and ended up having more work than help It sucks how some parents take side, but it sucks even more when it is a daughter-in-law getting more help than the daughter, because the son happens to be mommy's favourite... I think you are lucky she is even considering coming to help both I am luckily far, far away from all this drama. I have given birth around the same time as my relatives, but DH and I are always by ourselves anyway because of distance.

Well, what sucks is that if I get ANY help from my mom, it will *only* be if I happen to have my baby first and only until my sil has her baby. If my sil has her baby first, I will not get any help from my mom, I know it. Her attitude will be that this is my sil's first baby, so she will need more help, nevermind that I have two other children to care for. Not like she offered me the type of help she is already offering my brother and his wife when I had either of my other two babies either. It is very much the resent of feeling like the dil is going to get more help than the dd.

 

[sdejje]

I'm right there with ya. With my fourth baby, I was due one week before my very spoiled, very favored SIL. All we ever heard about was how SIL's pregnancy was going. I don't even think MIL remembered I was pregnant. Right after our babies were born, we were both at a big family event and people kept looking at SIL's baby and saying, "Oh, this is the baby I've heard so much about." Then they would see our baby and say, "I didn't know you had another one." On the bright side, my baby was MUCH cuter. (Yes, I am evil sometimes.)

This time, we are due within days of each other AGAIN. What are the odds? I'm almost 22 weeks along and we haven't even told the in-laws. There's just no point.

 

[mags]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdejje I'm right there with ya. With my fourth baby, I was due one week before my very spoiled, very favored SIL. All we ever heard about was how SIL's pregnancy was going. I don't even think MIL remembered I was pregnant. Right after our babies were born, we were both at a big family event and people kept looking at SIL's baby and saying, "Oh, this is the baby I've heard so much about." Then they would see our baby and say, "I didn't know you had another one." On the bright side, my baby was MUCH cuter. (Yes, I am evil sometimes.) This time, we are due within days of each other AGAIN. What are the odds? I'm almost 22 weeks along and we haven't even told the in-laws. There's just no point.

Lol, I had to laugh about how your baby is cuter, I would feel the same way too. However, I am so sorry you are having to go through this same thing again with your current pregnancy.

 

[organic-mama]

I totally understand where you are coming from. It's nice that your mom even helps out after, even if it's only for a short time. I would love for my mom to just come over and help for 1 day, this is baby #5 and my mom has never helped me, nor my MIL. I think both of you are lucky even if she only helps out a short time.

 

[Quindin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mags Well, what sucks is that if I get ANY help from my mom, it will *only* be if I happen to have my baby first and only until my sil has her baby. If my sil has her baby first, I will not get any help from my mom, I know it. Her attitude will be that this is my sil's first baby, so she will need more help, nevermind that I have two other children to care for. Not like she offered me the type of help she is already offering my brother and his wife when I had either of my other two babies either. It is very much the resent of feeling like the dil is going to get more help than the dd.

Arghhhh! That sucks! I am sorry

I can't stand it this mentality!
My mom also said something similar to my sister, that it was her 3rd and only SIL's 2nd, so she could handle it better

:
It is obvious that mom with more than 1 need more help! How are we supposed to care for and feed little ones properly while recovering from birth? No offence to first time moms, but it is clear that there is MORe work with MORE kids...

 

[mags]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quindin Arghhhh! That sucks! I am sorry I can't stand it this mentality! My mom also said something similar to my sister, that it was her 3rd and only SIL's 2nd, so she could handle it better : It is obvious that mom with more than 1 need more help! How are we supposed to care for and feed little ones properly while recovering from birth? No offence to first time moms, but it is clear that there is MORe work with MORE kids...

I know. Sometimes I feel that family members who act more helpless or consistently act like they don't know what the hell they are doing, get more sympathy and, "help" from other family members. My brother and his wife who are pregnant are the most, "helpless" among all the siblings and consistently get more help (esp financially) from my parents, even though they both have good jobs, etc., they appear to lack common sense and since they have always been coddled, they seem to basically expect it. My other brother and I are already taking bets that my parents will pay the downpayment for our brother and his pregnant's wife's house. They decided to get pg while my brother was unemployed, despite being warned that it would be a stupid idea (thankfully he got offered a job last wk), but now that they know a baby is on the way, they want to buy a house in one of the most expensive areas in the country, which they CANNOT afford. We have told them that, but they don't seem to believe us. They want to sell both of their cars to buy a new one too. My parents are being supportive, my other brother and I are rolling our eyes, b/c this is a very typical pattern of my brother and sil to go down this path and then someone has to dig them out.

 

[arahzel]

You never know though. Your SIL might not WANT your mom's help, and may in fact find her overbearing. Also, her own mother might be first on the list to help.

 

[mags]

Quote:

Originally Posted by arahzel You never know though. Your SIL might not WANT your mom's help, and may in fact find her overbearing. Also, her own mother might be first on the list to help.

Her own mother cannot even get on a plane by herself, b/c her English is so poor (lived in the US for over 35 yrs and doesn't know ANY English). By the time they find another family member to accompany sil's mother with her to sil's place, my mom will have probably have taken the opportunity to just go on her own. You're right though. Now that I am thinking about it, since my brother and his wife never want to listen to what anyone wants to say, they might just refuse my mom's help, lol, which is ironic, seeing how my mom seems much more eager to help them.

 

[springbride]

I am due 15 after my SIL. Our moms have already discussed how they're going to work it out. So DH's mom will go to SIL first. My mom will come here for 2 weeks, and when she leaves DH's mom will come.

:

s to the OP That's sad that your mom might just ignore your LO

 

[amnda527]

That is unfortunate that you have to go through this with your own mother.
My cousin's wife is due around the same time I think. I'm actually not sure of her due date, but she announced her pregnancy shortly after mine. It really isn't a big deal, they only come around for Christmas, so I'll see her in a couple weeks, and then not again after that until our babies are crawling around. I'm sure when we see everyone in a couple weeks at our Christmas party there will be dumb little comments made, but whatever. I only have one day of it.
With my first baby, my friend had a friend who was due like, a month after me. My dd ended up coming over a week after my duedate, and her baby came very early. When her friend had her baby before me, she sent me a myspace message saying something like, 'You were due x days ago and N still beat you!'

I didn't know it was a race...

 

[amnda527]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mags Well, what sucks is that if I get ANY help from my mom, it will *only* be if I happen to have my baby first and only until my sil has her baby. If my sil has her baby first, I will not get any help from my mom, I know it. Her attitude will be that this is my sil's first baby, so she will need more help, nevermind that I have two other children to care for. Not like she offered me the type of help she is already offering my brother and his wife when I had either of my other two babies either. It is very much the resent of feeling like the dil is going to get more help than the dd.

I think if this was the case, I would probably decline all help from her, if she happened to offer. But I'm a brat like that.

 

[Fujiko]

with my dd, i found out I was due three months after my SIL was due. I actually felt bad, because she had been TTC for awhile and had several losses, and then I had to go and steal her thunder!

She was most gracious. And since we live <1500 miles from our mutual MIL and they only live a little bit away from her, they definitely got more help than we did. Although I was actually happy about that.

 

[Carlin]

My SIL's EDD is 11 days before mine. Unfortunately she lives in Halifax, I live over 3000 miles away in Edmonton and MIL lives in central BC. I have lots of family here, including my Mom for help, so I think MIL should probably go spend some time with SIL. I feel bad for DH though, as I think there's going to be more excitement about his sister's baby on his side of the family than about ours.

 

[javilu]

My several-years-younger sister is due 9 days before me. She lives with my mom and my mom is obsessed with my sister's health, her baby, her pregnancy, since she had a bit of a rough start (she kept her pregnancy a secret until she started spotting and cramping, but she's doing fine now). It makes me sort of sad. I don't want to sound bitter, but my baby and I matter, too. I know my sister will also have "priority" when it comes to delivery-time, since I have a supportive partner and my sister does not, and I certainly don't want my little sister to be alone, so I understand my mom needing to be with her, but I can't help but feel a little sad that my mom might not be here with me because of my sister (we're hundreds of miles apart right now). My mom is really preoccupied these days and it seems like she only asks me how I'm doing as an afterthought. It's also always about my sister's baby or "the babies" and I feel like my kid isn't going to ever be an individual in my mom's eyes.

 

[birthangeldoula]

My new SIL is due three months after I am. It's taken us a while to get pregnant after losing our son. She got pregnant like one month after getting married to my BIL.

I'm excited to have a new niece or nephew. After losing my first born, I realize that babies are such a blessing and a gift! I wish her an uneventful and easy pregnancy.

 

[evening start]

My SIL is due a month after we are, which came as a total surprise to us since she is in her first year of residency and we didn't think they would be trying so soon. We also got engaged within a couple of months of each other (she actually got engaged a week before DH planned to propose, but he put it off not to rain on her parade

), and then got married within a few months of each other. I felt a little annoyed when I first hear she was also PG, but then I think it will be nice for the cousins. In some ways I feel bad for her because her parents live in Boston were we are, and they just moved to Nashville, so we might actually get more help from ILs. I asked MIL if she would be going down to Nashville for the birth and she said "Why would I do that?" I felt sad for SIL because I know I want MY MOMMY at my birth. Luckily there is no one on my side of the family PG right now, so I will get my mom to myself (and I kind of would rather her help anyway). What I'm most worried about is that SIL has a very medicalized view of birth (being a new doctor and all), and we had agreed to go visit them (with ILs) for a week after Christmas before either of us had announced the pregnancies. I am worried about getting a week of unwanted or unneeded "advice" from SIL, and that some of her worries and attitudes about birth will completely spook DH (who is already very hesitant about natural childbirth). I was already a little worried about this before I found out she was PG, but thought I could maybe evade a lot and smile and nod the rest of the time. However with both of us PG, I can't see avoiding baby and birth talk.